Saturday, January 31, 2009
Shameless Plug for Reviews
For those readers who follow my LMM fanfiction, I have a few new chapters of Weeping May Tarry up, and another that, if Carl lets me near the computer any more today, should be posted this afternoon. I am determined to finish this story!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Day Off
Carl took a personal day from work today (he drove to MA and back yesterday after work, so he's a little tired), so I won't have much time for blogging--I'll be enjoying the unexpected day with my husband! Plus, I didn't sleep too well until he got home last night, so my brain is too fuzzy to put together a coherent post anyway.
Enjoy your Friday!
Enjoy your Friday!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Pregnancy Misery
I should be taking a shower ... or washing dishes ... or giving Bug her bath ... or tidying and sweeping ... or praying for my husband (dealing with some family stuff) ...
All I really want to do is take a nap.
I thought I was getting hives last night. My legs had been itching all day, and by the time I was making supper I had a rash. I got hives for the first time last winter (Bug was three months old and miserably colicky--worst stress of my entire life), and I was worried that it was going to become a yearly winter affliction.
Hives are awful.
Thankfully, as soon as I mentioned the possibility to Carl, he made me put my feet up and take it easy for the rest of the night. I put aloe on my legs before bed, and they aren't itching at all today, so hopefully it was just a false alarm. Still, though, I can sense how stressed I am, and how overtired, and trying to balance my need for rest and relaxation with getting necessary things done around the house, like fixing meals and taking care of Bug, and maybe even occasionally cleaning.
I don't know, I honestly don't, how women do it who get pregnant every two years or so, and already have multiple children at home. I have one, and I don't know if I'm going to survive the next four months.
People smile slyly when Carl and I say we only want two children, and make cute little jokes about how yeah, I said after Dasha was born I only wanted one, and now look at me, and of course we'll end up with a house full of children.
They wouldn't say that if they saw me through the nine months of pregnancy. My mother doesn't make any such suggestions. She knows me better than that.
Obviously, if God wants us to have more children, we will. But so far as both Carl and I are concerned, this is it. I can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this.
Is it any wonder I like the idea of adoption so much?
All I really want to do is take a nap.
I thought I was getting hives last night. My legs had been itching all day, and by the time I was making supper I had a rash. I got hives for the first time last winter (Bug was three months old and miserably colicky--worst stress of my entire life), and I was worried that it was going to become a yearly winter affliction.
Hives are awful.
Thankfully, as soon as I mentioned the possibility to Carl, he made me put my feet up and take it easy for the rest of the night. I put aloe on my legs before bed, and they aren't itching at all today, so hopefully it was just a false alarm. Still, though, I can sense how stressed I am, and how overtired, and trying to balance my need for rest and relaxation with getting necessary things done around the house, like fixing meals and taking care of Bug, and maybe even occasionally cleaning.
I don't know, I honestly don't, how women do it who get pregnant every two years or so, and already have multiple children at home. I have one, and I don't know if I'm going to survive the next four months.
People smile slyly when Carl and I say we only want two children, and make cute little jokes about how yeah, I said after Dasha was born I only wanted one, and now look at me, and of course we'll end up with a house full of children.
They wouldn't say that if they saw me through the nine months of pregnancy. My mother doesn't make any such suggestions. She knows me better than that.
Obviously, if God wants us to have more children, we will. But so far as both Carl and I are concerned, this is it. I can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this.
Is it any wonder I like the idea of adoption so much?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Winter Day
Afternoon tea with my friend was canceled due to a muchness of snow. We've reschedule for next week, though, and I don't really mind having a quiet day. Bug's up to her usual tricks--whiny and cranky and clingy one moment, happy and giggling the next, until I can't keep up and my poor head is in a whirl. I didn't sleep too well last night, either, so I'm slightly groggy today. With the white piling up outside my windows, it's a good day to transfer old skating tapes onto DVDs, make some blueberry coffee cake, think about sewing (maybe tomorrow), and read through my pile of library books.
I told Carl I'd make homemade macaroni and cheese for supper tonight--it's one of our favorite winter comfort foods. Last night we had lentil casserole and pork--more comfort food! Carl's having to build up a taste for lentils, but he told me it's growing on him (like a fungus?, I always want to ask). I grew up eating lentils, so I have no problem snarfing down huge portions of the casserole. I still remember going to the West Indies, where we had been told not to refuse any food because it would be viewed as an insult, and almost all the other kids having to force themselves to gag the lentils down, while I was begging for seconds! They used some sort of delicious spice in them ... someday I want to return to the Islands, if for nothing else, then just for the food!
If I have time (which I probably won't during the day, but maybe tonight, since I don't care to watch American Idol or Lost), I also want to get some more writing done. Inspired by Cath's quick work on completing her LMM story, I've been trying to get through Weeping May Tarry and Cup of Joy. I've really lost interest in both these stories, but I am determined to finish them.
Besides, finishing those provides me with a good excuse to neglect my fantasy work which is still being completely uncooperative!
I enjoy snowy days. Come March, I might not, but for right now ... I'm content.
I told Carl I'd make homemade macaroni and cheese for supper tonight--it's one of our favorite winter comfort foods. Last night we had lentil casserole and pork--more comfort food! Carl's having to build up a taste for lentils, but he told me it's growing on him (like a fungus?, I always want to ask). I grew up eating lentils, so I have no problem snarfing down huge portions of the casserole. I still remember going to the West Indies, where we had been told not to refuse any food because it would be viewed as an insult, and almost all the other kids having to force themselves to gag the lentils down, while I was begging for seconds! They used some sort of delicious spice in them ... someday I want to return to the Islands, if for nothing else, then just for the food!
If I have time (which I probably won't during the day, but maybe tonight, since I don't care to watch American Idol or Lost), I also want to get some more writing done. Inspired by Cath's quick work on completing her LMM story, I've been trying to get through Weeping May Tarry and Cup of Joy. I've really lost interest in both these stories, but I am determined to finish them.
Besides, finishing those provides me with a good excuse to neglect my fantasy work which is still being completely uncooperative!
I enjoy snowy days. Come March, I might not, but for right now ... I'm content.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Does This Irritate Anyone Else?
"Relatives had literally come out of the woodwork to be in attendance at Jasper Davis's funeral." -The Jasmine Moon Murder, by Laura Childs
Really? The guy was related to termites or wood lice, who literally crawled out of the walls?
I hate it when people misuse words to make a point.
And don't even get me started on the unnecessary use of words. "... to be in attendance at ..."
If I was this author's editor, I would change that sentence to: "Relatives had poured in from all over to attend Jasper Davis's funeral."
Oh, Agatha Christie, why did you have to die? Nobody writes mysteries like you! Good plots (occasionally the same plot used three or four times, but still interesting), good characters, and good use of the English language!
"I often wonder why the whole world is so prone to generalize. Generalizations are seldom or ever true, and are usually utterly inaccurate." -Murder at the Vicarage, by Agatha Christie. The irony hidden in those two sentences cracks me up every time. Who writes with such subtlety anymore?
Nobody, that's who.
Really? The guy was related to termites or wood lice, who literally crawled out of the walls?
I hate it when people misuse words to make a point.
And don't even get me started on the unnecessary use of words. "... to be in attendance at ..."
If I was this author's editor, I would change that sentence to: "Relatives had poured in from all over to attend Jasper Davis's funeral."
Oh, Agatha Christie, why did you have to die? Nobody writes mysteries like you! Good plots (occasionally the same plot used three or four times, but still interesting), good characters, and good use of the English language!
"I often wonder why the whole world is so prone to generalize. Generalizations are seldom or ever true, and are usually utterly inaccurate." -Murder at the Vicarage, by Agatha Christie. The irony hidden in those two sentences cracks me up every time. Who writes with such subtlety anymore?
Nobody, that's who.
Miscellany
I have learned an important lesson: when Bug drinks three large sippy cups full of water in the afternoon/evening, NO diaper, disposable or cloth, is going to be sufficient. She had an early morning sink bath as soon as she got up this morning!
It is actually quite fun to see her drink now. Her old cups were quite small, and had a nasty tendency to dump water everywhere when she would hold them upside down and shake (I know, unbelievable!). They also dribbled water all over the inside of the diaper bag when I would take them when we'd go out. So I bought ones with closeable lids, which I didn't realize until I had them out of the package also required the child to drink out of a straw. Bug had never even tried that, so I put them away for when she was a bit older.
Then I watched her suck water out of my Nalgene bottle the other day and realized that a straw probably wouldn't be so difficult. So I sat down on the floor across from her and demonstrated, first by drinking out of the straw myself, then by handing the cup to her and sucking my cheeks in while she drank. It only took about five minutes for her to get it, and she's been so delighted with her new accomplishment that now I can't get her to stop drinking!
In other news, my new presser foot for my sewing machine came yesterday, so I can FINALLY get those leg warmers sewn up! I was so upset about losing my presser foot in the move, and I'm still wondering how exactly it happened that someone released the lever to drop it and didn't notice, but at least I have a replacement. It took me so long to find one (apparently my machine, bought in '03, is considered practically obsolete now) that I was almost afraid I was going to have to get an entirely new machine--just for a presser foot!--but I finally found one and ordered it. The shipping cost more than the foot, but the entire thing was less than ten dollars, which is way better than a new machine.
Besides, I like my machine. It's simple, yes, but I don't need it to do anything fancy. Straight seams and zigzags, with the occasional buttonhole and invisible zipper, and that's pretty much it. I would love a Serger someday, but they are so expensive that for now, when I need to serge, I just borrow Mom's. Or rather, pry it out of my sister's unwilling grip. One serger+three women who sew=many conflicts of interest. (Technically that should be one Serger divided by three women who sew, but my keyboard apparently doesn't have the division symbol.)
I am hoping to have a friend over for tea tomorrow. We had tentatively decided on Wednesday, but I was waiting to hear back from her, and I haven't yet. Hopefully I will by this afternoon--I want to bake a batch of cream scones if she's coming. After the discussion regarding tea a few posts back, I decided to take matters into my own hands and start inviting people over for afternoon tea. Of course, this friend is one I've known for years, who already doesn't think there's anything odd in afternoon tea, but at least it's a start.
I had many scintillating thoughts bursting through my brain at various points of the day yesterday, and now I can't remember any of them. The curse of spending a full day cleaning house--one's brain and body is dead by the end. And, as my mom so helpfully reminded me, the backache lasts longer than the clean house will!
Thanks, Mom.
It is actually quite fun to see her drink now. Her old cups were quite small, and had a nasty tendency to dump water everywhere when she would hold them upside down and shake (I know, unbelievable!). They also dribbled water all over the inside of the diaper bag when I would take them when we'd go out. So I bought ones with closeable lids, which I didn't realize until I had them out of the package also required the child to drink out of a straw. Bug had never even tried that, so I put them away for when she was a bit older.
Then I watched her suck water out of my Nalgene bottle the other day and realized that a straw probably wouldn't be so difficult. So I sat down on the floor across from her and demonstrated, first by drinking out of the straw myself, then by handing the cup to her and sucking my cheeks in while she drank. It only took about five minutes for her to get it, and she's been so delighted with her new accomplishment that now I can't get her to stop drinking!
In other news, my new presser foot for my sewing machine came yesterday, so I can FINALLY get those leg warmers sewn up! I was so upset about losing my presser foot in the move, and I'm still wondering how exactly it happened that someone released the lever to drop it and didn't notice, but at least I have a replacement. It took me so long to find one (apparently my machine, bought in '03, is considered practically obsolete now) that I was almost afraid I was going to have to get an entirely new machine--just for a presser foot!--but I finally found one and ordered it. The shipping cost more than the foot, but the entire thing was less than ten dollars, which is way better than a new machine.
Besides, I like my machine. It's simple, yes, but I don't need it to do anything fancy. Straight seams and zigzags, with the occasional buttonhole and invisible zipper, and that's pretty much it. I would love a Serger someday, but they are so expensive that for now, when I need to serge, I just borrow Mom's. Or rather, pry it out of my sister's unwilling grip. One serger+three women who sew=many conflicts of interest. (Technically that should be one Serger divided by three women who sew, but my keyboard apparently doesn't have the division symbol.)
I am hoping to have a friend over for tea tomorrow. We had tentatively decided on Wednesday, but I was waiting to hear back from her, and I haven't yet. Hopefully I will by this afternoon--I want to bake a batch of cream scones if she's coming. After the discussion regarding tea a few posts back, I decided to take matters into my own hands and start inviting people over for afternoon tea. Of course, this friend is one I've known for years, who already doesn't think there's anything odd in afternoon tea, but at least it's a start.
I had many scintillating thoughts bursting through my brain at various points of the day yesterday, and now I can't remember any of them. The curse of spending a full day cleaning house--one's brain and body is dead by the end. And, as my mom so helpfully reminded me, the backache lasts longer than the clean house will!
Thanks, Mom.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
My Weekend
The Us Figure Skating Nationals have kind of taken over my life this weekend. I stayed up until 11:00 last night to watch the Ladies Free Skate! (I'm usually sound asleep by 9:30, but it was SO worth it) I scorn the Super Bowl--but boy do I get obsessed over skating season.
In other news, Mom and I were on the phone yesterday, trying to figure out a recipe for something resembling cornbread that didn't require eggs, seeing as how I had used all our eggs to make popovers for brunch. We finally came up with something called cornmeal crackles, and Mom's comment as she finished reading off the recipe to me was,
"If it turns out well, you can blog about it."
My family knows me WAY too well.
(For the record, they were okay, but we're getting eggs today and I'm making REAL cornbread. Cornmeal crackles just didn't quite live up.)
In other news, Mom and I were on the phone yesterday, trying to figure out a recipe for something resembling cornbread that didn't require eggs, seeing as how I had used all our eggs to make popovers for brunch. We finally came up with something called cornmeal crackles, and Mom's comment as she finished reading off the recipe to me was,
"If it turns out well, you can blog about it."
My family knows me WAY too well.
(For the record, they were okay, but we're getting eggs today and I'm making REAL cornbread. Cornmeal crackles just didn't quite live up.)
Friday, January 23, 2009
Promise of Spring
As I walked out into the kitchen this morning, praying once again for patience with my cranky child (the edge of her left upper incisor poked through last night, so at least I have an explanation for the temper, although it doesn't make her constant fussing any easier to endure), I stopped short, not quite trusting my ears.
A group of birds was out on my snowy pocket-handkerchief of a lawn, squabbling. It has been so long since I've heard birds! Just the sound of their cheeky little chirps brought an instant smile to my face.
It may be only the end of January, but spring is coming. Warmer days are on their way. Sunshine and flowers, rain and green growing things, mud and birds--it won't be winter forever.
Bug won't be teething forever. Carl won't be studying for his PE forever. I won't be pregnant forever.
Nothing in this life is eternal. Only God. He endures through all, and gives us hope and promise of joys to come. Praise his name!
A group of birds was out on my snowy pocket-handkerchief of a lawn, squabbling. It has been so long since I've heard birds! Just the sound of their cheeky little chirps brought an instant smile to my face.
It may be only the end of January, but spring is coming. Warmer days are on their way. Sunshine and flowers, rain and green growing things, mud and birds--it won't be winter forever.
Bug won't be teething forever. Carl won't be studying for his PE forever. I won't be pregnant forever.
Nothing in this life is eternal. Only God. He endures through all, and gives us hope and promise of joys to come. Praise his name!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I Have a Husband?
Bug woke up on the wrong side of the crib this morning. When she threw a temper tantrum over the fact that I was not going to feed her every one of her banana slices individually, echoing her temper tantrum over eating supper last night ... she went right back to bed, where she fussed for a while, and is now entertaining herself. I'll get her up in a few minutes and try her on the bananas again.
It's always so hard when the day starts out poorly. As long as Bug starts out fairly cheerful, and I've managed to get a decent night's sleep, the rest of the day usually follows well. When she starts out defiant, and I am already dealing with frustration over temper from yesterday, it's much more difficult.
Carl takes his PE exam in April, which means he's started studying for it this week. I am happy to support him in this, but I didn't quite realize that him studying for the PE would mean me pretty well being a single mom for the next three months. He usually puts Bug to bed--I had to do it Monday and Tuesday, because he was working on a particularly tricky problem. When she started getting cranky before supper last night, he went upstairs and closed the door, leaving me to deal with her. Monday night I had to make supper with her on one hip, because he couldn't watch her for me. You get the picture.
I have so much respect for single parents. How do they do it? I'm already thinking wishfully of going back to Mom and Dad's for say, two months or so just so I can have some help with Bug. I remember my friend Sarah talking about how difficult it was when her husband was preparing for his PE--she had to take care of their two-year-old son all on her own while he studied. At least Bug isn't quite that old yet--although then at least she should be able to tell me what she wants, instead of just screaming.
On the other hand, who could ever stay frustrated for long at a face like this?
It's always so hard when the day starts out poorly. As long as Bug starts out fairly cheerful, and I've managed to get a decent night's sleep, the rest of the day usually follows well. When she starts out defiant, and I am already dealing with frustration over temper from yesterday, it's much more difficult.
Carl takes his PE exam in April, which means he's started studying for it this week. I am happy to support him in this, but I didn't quite realize that him studying for the PE would mean me pretty well being a single mom for the next three months. He usually puts Bug to bed--I had to do it Monday and Tuesday, because he was working on a particularly tricky problem. When she started getting cranky before supper last night, he went upstairs and closed the door, leaving me to deal with her. Monday night I had to make supper with her on one hip, because he couldn't watch her for me. You get the picture.
I have so much respect for single parents. How do they do it? I'm already thinking wishfully of going back to Mom and Dad's for say, two months or so just so I can have some help with Bug. I remember my friend Sarah talking about how difficult it was when her husband was preparing for his PE--she had to take care of their two-year-old son all on her own while he studied. At least Bug isn't quite that old yet--although then at least she should be able to tell me what she wants, instead of just screaming.
On the other hand, who could ever stay frustrated for long at a face like this?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Midweek Snippets
I started a new blog today, one specifically for poetry. I'm trying to get back into writing poetry, and I'm hoping having one special place for it will encourage me in my efforts. We'll see!
My energy spurt of the last couple of days has faded. Not too surprising, considering it is the middle of the week. Hopefully if I rest up today, that will give me the energy I need to get through the rest of the week! Thankfully Bug is finally starting to get a little less clingy and needy and whiny. One tooth is showing in her upper gum (Hallelujah!), and though we can't feel it yet, I think the fact that it is breaking through is bringing considerable relief from fairly constant pain. I think she's also starting to recover from all the craziness of moving and holidays. It's still hard for me to believe that so much has happened in so few months! November 3rd--that's when all this started. That's been less than three months, and in that time we packed up one house, found a new one, moved, unpacked, went to Massachusetts for Thanksgiving, went to northern NY for Christmas and New Years, and then had family here the second weekend in January. No wonder she's been off. No wonder I'm still so tired!
I did not watch any of the inauguration yesterday. I am so sick of politics and overblown fuss that I've just shut it out of my life. I feel somewhat like Susan Baker in "Anne's House of Dreams" when Captain Jim tells her the Liberals are in.
"Now, are they?" she said, with beautiful unconcern. "Well, I never could see but that my bread rose just as light when Grits were in as when they were not. And if any party, Mrs. Doctor, dear, will make it rain before the week is out, and save our kitchen garden from entire ruination, that is the party Susan will vote for. In the meantime, will you just step out and give me your opinion on the meat for dinner? I am fearing that it is very tough, and I think that we had better change our butcher as well as our government."
The transfer of power has occurred, and yet, the real power is still in the hands of the One in whom it has always been. Presidents come and go, but God is always in control. I will not say "God bless America" because I don't see that any nation has the right to claim God's blessing, especially one that has gone so far from God as this one has. Rather, I pray that God will enlighten the people of this country and all others to his truth, that he will open eyes and bring hearts to repentance. May he show mercy to all those who have strayed from his way.
I am so politically incorrect.
Despite my lack of energy, I am going to try to make bread this afternoon (I said I felt like Susan Baker, didn't I?). I made a big pot of potato and carrot soup yesterday, and enough was left over to take care of tonight's dinner as well, so that frees up cooking time. Besides, I like making bread. It is very soothing and relaxing, and so rewarding. I'm also hoping, if not today then at least before the weekend, to make Bug a few pair of leg warmers. Thanks to Jillian, I found a great tutorial online on how to turn socks into leg warmers, and I have four pair just waiting to be converted. Mom and I are also knitting her some, but they are a bit bulkier, so I'll save those for going outdoors or just those really cold days. At least, I'll save Mom's. I'm not even halfway through my first pair. At the rate I knit, they might be ready for #2 next winter!
Speaking of #2, my ultrasound tech is flying back to PA today after her winter break. Not this weekend, but hopefully next weekend we'll be able to go out there and find out this child's identity! I am ready to give a name to him or her, instead of just #2.
And then I'll have to figure out a way to tell all the people online I trust the name without letting it too public. Maybe a post that is deleted after a few days? Some of you I know through facebook and can tell that way, but there are a few who aren't on there. This will require some strategy ...
My energy spurt of the last couple of days has faded. Not too surprising, considering it is the middle of the week. Hopefully if I rest up today, that will give me the energy I need to get through the rest of the week! Thankfully Bug is finally starting to get a little less clingy and needy and whiny. One tooth is showing in her upper gum (Hallelujah!), and though we can't feel it yet, I think the fact that it is breaking through is bringing considerable relief from fairly constant pain. I think she's also starting to recover from all the craziness of moving and holidays. It's still hard for me to believe that so much has happened in so few months! November 3rd--that's when all this started. That's been less than three months, and in that time we packed up one house, found a new one, moved, unpacked, went to Massachusetts for Thanksgiving, went to northern NY for Christmas and New Years, and then had family here the second weekend in January. No wonder she's been off. No wonder I'm still so tired!
I did not watch any of the inauguration yesterday. I am so sick of politics and overblown fuss that I've just shut it out of my life. I feel somewhat like Susan Baker in "Anne's House of Dreams" when Captain Jim tells her the Liberals are in.
"Now, are they?" she said, with beautiful unconcern. "Well, I never could see but that my bread rose just as light when Grits were in as when they were not. And if any party, Mrs. Doctor, dear, will make it rain before the week is out, and save our kitchen garden from entire ruination, that is the party Susan will vote for. In the meantime, will you just step out and give me your opinion on the meat for dinner? I am fearing that it is very tough, and I think that we had better change our butcher as well as our government."
The transfer of power has occurred, and yet, the real power is still in the hands of the One in whom it has always been. Presidents come and go, but God is always in control. I will not say "God bless America" because I don't see that any nation has the right to claim God's blessing, especially one that has gone so far from God as this one has. Rather, I pray that God will enlighten the people of this country and all others to his truth, that he will open eyes and bring hearts to repentance. May he show mercy to all those who have strayed from his way.
I am so politically incorrect.
Despite my lack of energy, I am going to try to make bread this afternoon (I said I felt like Susan Baker, didn't I?). I made a big pot of potato and carrot soup yesterday, and enough was left over to take care of tonight's dinner as well, so that frees up cooking time. Besides, I like making bread. It is very soothing and relaxing, and so rewarding. I'm also hoping, if not today then at least before the weekend, to make Bug a few pair of leg warmers. Thanks to Jillian, I found a great tutorial online on how to turn socks into leg warmers, and I have four pair just waiting to be converted. Mom and I are also knitting her some, but they are a bit bulkier, so I'll save those for going outdoors or just those really cold days. At least, I'll save Mom's. I'm not even halfway through my first pair. At the rate I knit, they might be ready for #2 next winter!
Speaking of #2, my ultrasound tech is flying back to PA today after her winter break. Not this weekend, but hopefully next weekend we'll be able to go out there and find out this child's identity! I am ready to give a name to him or her, instead of just #2.
And then I'll have to figure out a way to tell all the people online I trust the name without letting it too public. Maybe a post that is deleted after a few days? Some of you I know through facebook and can tell that way, but there are a few who aren't on there. This will require some strategy ...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Simple Gifts
Inspired both by Rachael Flatt's lovely performance to this piece in Sunday's "Skating and Gymnastics Spectacular" and my friend Jo's most recent blog post, I looked up this video. I've loved this song ever since hearing it on Aaron Copeland's "Appalachian Spring" as a kid (what, not everyone grew up listening to Copeland? I bet you all didn't have John Denver sung to you for lullabies, either.). I especially love the message--we don't need a lot of junk, a lot of material things, fame, fortune, or anything like that to be happy. If we are humble and looking toward the Author of all good things, we can find joy in the simple things of life.
Here are some simple gifts I'm enjoying today:
A clean house.
A happy baby.
Finishing "Thrush Green" last night.
A good night's sleep.
White snow out my window.
The smell of clean laundry.
Anticipation of spring.
Ending yesterday with prayer, and starting today the same way.
What brings you joy today?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Just Schleppin' Around
I am turning into such a schlep. I used to insist on showering every day, wearing decent clothes, making sure I looked presentable, even if I wasn't going out. I wasn't obsessed with my appearance--I rarely bothered with makeup, for example--but I liked to be clean and look neat. I also used to take Monday as my cleaning day, so I'd start the week with a clean house.
Now ... showers are completely optional. I'm not planning on one today, even though my hair is greasy and I look like I haven't showered. I'm wearing lounge pants and a sweatshirt, and I'm not planning on changing. I think I'll start cleaning tomorrow (although laundry must be done today).
I can't wait until I'm not pregnant, so I'm not so tired all the time.
But a part of me likes having the freedom to be a bum if I want, and be able to blame it on the baby.
Of course, if I had people around here that I saw on a regular basis, like my quilting days with my friend Sarah back in PA, that would be different. Here, though, for right now, anyway, the only times I go out or see anyone is when Carl and I have to run errands after work or on the weekends (we spent three hours grocery shopping yesterday--that's just wrong). We've been gone so many Sundays that we haven't yet found a good church, and the friends I have around here work, so they don't have much free time just to drop in.
I'm not complaining--like I said, right now I like having the freedom to be a bum. I know, in time, I'll start to get lonely and want friends. Hopefully by that point I'll know more people and will have the option to go do something fun if I want.
For now, I'm enjoying hibernation.
Update: Well, I'm still being a personal bum, but I have managed to get the house clean. All that's left is the kitchen. I find this page very helpful. I can't do it in 19 minutes, but I figure an hour is reasonable to get the house basically clean. And I'm planning Chicken Broccoli Fettuccine Alfredo for supper. Suddenly I feel like a productive member of society--even if I haven't showered!
Update again: I think I ought to just delete this post--I just finished showering. The house was clean, Bug was napping, the story I'm trying to write wasn't gelling ... suddenly a shower seemed like the perfect thing. I am still in my grubby old clothes, though, so at least one part of this post holds true.
Now ... showers are completely optional. I'm not planning on one today, even though my hair is greasy and I look like I haven't showered. I'm wearing lounge pants and a sweatshirt, and I'm not planning on changing. I think I'll start cleaning tomorrow (although laundry must be done today).
I can't wait until I'm not pregnant, so I'm not so tired all the time.
But a part of me likes having the freedom to be a bum if I want, and be able to blame it on the baby.
Of course, if I had people around here that I saw on a regular basis, like my quilting days with my friend Sarah back in PA, that would be different. Here, though, for right now, anyway, the only times I go out or see anyone is when Carl and I have to run errands after work or on the weekends (we spent three hours grocery shopping yesterday--that's just wrong). We've been gone so many Sundays that we haven't yet found a good church, and the friends I have around here work, so they don't have much free time just to drop in.
I'm not complaining--like I said, right now I like having the freedom to be a bum. I know, in time, I'll start to get lonely and want friends. Hopefully by that point I'll know more people and will have the option to go do something fun if I want.
For now, I'm enjoying hibernation.
Update: Well, I'm still being a personal bum, but I have managed to get the house clean. All that's left is the kitchen. I find this page very helpful. I can't do it in 19 minutes, but I figure an hour is reasonable to get the house basically clean. And I'm planning Chicken Broccoli Fettuccine Alfredo for supper. Suddenly I feel like a productive member of society--even if I haven't showered!
Update again: I think I ought to just delete this post--I just finished showering. The house was clean, Bug was napping, the story I'm trying to write wasn't gelling ... suddenly a shower seemed like the perfect thing. I am still in my grubby old clothes, though, so at least one part of this post holds true.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Adoption
As soon as I see the word "adoption" in a blog post title on my sidebar--or anywhere, for that matter--, I should stay away. I just spent the last twenty minutes looking up international adoption--again. I know this isn't something that is possible for us for many years--if ever. So why do I torture myself seeing which countries would be the best, what we would need to be eligible, how much money it would cost, where we would go for assistance?
Probably the same reason women who are broke go window shopping.
Someday, Lord willing. Right now I have my hands full with one and another on the way.
Probably the same reason women who are broke go window shopping.
Someday, Lord willing. Right now I have my hands full with one and another on the way.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Imperfection Striving
After all your comments on my last post, I really wish we lived closer together so we could have one big tea party! Or I suppose we can all just go visit Andrea sometime :)
The end of the week. I am so relieved it is here. My stress levels have been high lately, compounded by cranky Bug and short-tempered Carl. Yesterday, we went to switch our driver's licenses and car registration from PA to NY (which didn't end up happening, due to a discrepancy between what they said you needed on their website and what you actually needed for proof of ID), and spent most of the trip in silence. Stony silence. On my part, because Carl had blamed me for something that wasn't my fault, and I knew that if I spoke, I'd let him have it. On Carl's part, because he thought I was unreasonably upset.
Thankfully Bug was singing in the backseat, so the car wasn't a complete tomb.
By the time we left the DMV, we had thawed slightly (nothing like inefficient government to bring people together), and we managed to have an agreeable supper, but after supper, we had a nice, calm discussion about how much we both hate it when I'm pregnant. Me, because I feel Carl has unreasonable expectations of me. Carl, because I can't seem to do ANYTHING, and he knows it's not my fault, but it still frustrates him.
I do not have an organized mind. I TRY, really I do, but inevitably something slips. This is why I'm a terrible chess player. I see most of the options and possiblities, but I never see all of them. I told Carl before we even got married that he needed to be in charge of the finances, because I would make a hopeless mess of them. When I'm pregnant, of course, this issue gets even worse.
Carl tries to understand, but he has such an organized mind himself that he really can't comprehend how someone can NOT have one. So it often seems to him, when I've forgotten to put something essential on the grocery list, and only remember AFTER we get home, or when I forget to do something he's asked me to do, or when things are not taken care of because I just don't notice them being out of place, that I simply don't care enough to try.
Naturally, this causes tension. Right along with my clumsiness, which he also doesn't understand and often misinterprets as a lack of care.
I was hesitant to put something this personal up on my blog, but I don't want to present a false image of who I am, and how my marriage is. We argue. We misunderstand each other. Sometimes I tell him he should have married someone else. Sometimes I think he agrees. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have married anyone. And again, sometimes I think he agrees.
But through it all, God is good. He is gracious and loving. And no matter what, Carl and I work through our problems. We're not perfect, and we'll never have the perfect marriage. But after every fight, we tell each other how much we love each other, and we pledge to try harder, do better.
I try harder to be organized. Carl tries harder to be understanding and compassionate, and appreciate what I DO do.
Last night ended with us laughing together, watching an old Victor Borge special on PBS. And while I did sleep on the couch, that was only due to pregnancy discomfort that makes the couch more comfortable than the bed right now. He called me this morning, just to tell me he loved me and make sure I was doing okay.
By God's grace, I am. And so are we.
Now, if only the NYS DMV would gets its act together ...
The end of the week. I am so relieved it is here. My stress levels have been high lately, compounded by cranky Bug and short-tempered Carl. Yesterday, we went to switch our driver's licenses and car registration from PA to NY (which didn't end up happening, due to a discrepancy between what they said you needed on their website and what you actually needed for proof of ID), and spent most of the trip in silence. Stony silence. On my part, because Carl had blamed me for something that wasn't my fault, and I knew that if I spoke, I'd let him have it. On Carl's part, because he thought I was unreasonably upset.
Thankfully Bug was singing in the backseat, so the car wasn't a complete tomb.
By the time we left the DMV, we had thawed slightly (nothing like inefficient government to bring people together), and we managed to have an agreeable supper, but after supper, we had a nice, calm discussion about how much we both hate it when I'm pregnant. Me, because I feel Carl has unreasonable expectations of me. Carl, because I can't seem to do ANYTHING, and he knows it's not my fault, but it still frustrates him.
I do not have an organized mind. I TRY, really I do, but inevitably something slips. This is why I'm a terrible chess player. I see most of the options and possiblities, but I never see all of them. I told Carl before we even got married that he needed to be in charge of the finances, because I would make a hopeless mess of them. When I'm pregnant, of course, this issue gets even worse.
Carl tries to understand, but he has such an organized mind himself that he really can't comprehend how someone can NOT have one. So it often seems to him, when I've forgotten to put something essential on the grocery list, and only remember AFTER we get home, or when I forget to do something he's asked me to do, or when things are not taken care of because I just don't notice them being out of place, that I simply don't care enough to try.
Naturally, this causes tension. Right along with my clumsiness, which he also doesn't understand and often misinterprets as a lack of care.
I was hesitant to put something this personal up on my blog, but I don't want to present a false image of who I am, and how my marriage is. We argue. We misunderstand each other. Sometimes I tell him he should have married someone else. Sometimes I think he agrees. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have married anyone. And again, sometimes I think he agrees.
But through it all, God is good. He is gracious and loving. And no matter what, Carl and I work through our problems. We're not perfect, and we'll never have the perfect marriage. But after every fight, we tell each other how much we love each other, and we pledge to try harder, do better.
I try harder to be organized. Carl tries harder to be understanding and compassionate, and appreciate what I DO do.
Last night ended with us laughing together, watching an old Victor Borge special on PBS. And while I did sleep on the couch, that was only due to pregnancy discomfort that makes the couch more comfortable than the bed right now. He called me this morning, just to tell me he loved me and make sure I was doing okay.
By God's grace, I am. And so are we.
Now, if only the NYS DMV would gets its act together ...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tea, Anyone?
I love tea parties. One of my dreams is to someday host an old-fashioned tea party, where everyone dresses in Edwardian (or Regency, depending on whether I've been reading more LM Montgomery or Jane Austen at the time), we sit on my porch and sip tea out of delicate cups, and eat the scones, cucumber sandwiches, and lemon tart I've created.
Really, I'm just a big kid who never outgrew her love of "dress-up" and "make-believe." It's a wonder I don't still want to own my own suit of chain mail and carry a sword and go out on chivalrous adventures.
Okay ... a part of me still does.
Even apart from the dressing up aspect, I love the idea of afternoon tea ... taking a break partway through the day just to sip tea and eat a light snack. A period of rest.
We get so caught up in the busyness of our days, that we forget to just stop and breathe sometimes. At least, I do. By the time four in the afternoon comes along, I'm exhausted and (usually) stressed. I've started to think about supper, I'm tired from all the chores and chasing after a toddler (is she considered a toddler when she's not yet walking?). I usually try to snatch bits and pieces of rest throughout the day, but then I always feel guilty, because I know I should be doing something productive.
The English have it right (in so many areas besides just tea, but I'll try to contain myself here). A scheduled, deliberate time of resting, when no guilt is associated with taking a break. One's work is (hopefully) done by then, but even if it isn't, tea must come. It perks you up, helps energize you for the evening's work, for making dinner and taking care of any chores that didn't get taken care of earlier (like dishes ... cough, cough).
I also like the idea of inviting people over for tea. Nothing so fancy or elaborate as a meal, not quite so formal, just a chance to rest together, chat, talk ... it seems to me a better way to get to know each other. The hostess isn't wrapped up in meal preparations, worried about the food. It's just an easy time of friendship. Last spring I had my friend Jo and her little daughter CoCo over for a tea party. I admit, I went a little nuts with the fancy preparations, but it was fun, and our friendship was strengthened over the tea table.
So, Americans, I challenge you to let go of the Boston Tea Party. Let's bring afternoon tea back to this country! We need it!
At least, I need it. And while I don't mind being the only weirdo around, doing something nobody else does, it's always nice to say, "Oh yes, I have many friends who practice afternoon tea. No, I've never actually met any of them. Yes, I know blogging is odd. Yes, I know afternoon tea is odd. We're all odd together."
Doesn't that sound like fun?
Really, I'm just a big kid who never outgrew her love of "dress-up" and "make-believe." It's a wonder I don't still want to own my own suit of chain mail and carry a sword and go out on chivalrous adventures.
Okay ... a part of me still does.
Even apart from the dressing up aspect, I love the idea of afternoon tea ... taking a break partway through the day just to sip tea and eat a light snack. A period of rest.
We get so caught up in the busyness of our days, that we forget to just stop and breathe sometimes. At least, I do. By the time four in the afternoon comes along, I'm exhausted and (usually) stressed. I've started to think about supper, I'm tired from all the chores and chasing after a toddler (is she considered a toddler when she's not yet walking?). I usually try to snatch bits and pieces of rest throughout the day, but then I always feel guilty, because I know I should be doing something productive.
The English have it right (in so many areas besides just tea, but I'll try to contain myself here). A scheduled, deliberate time of resting, when no guilt is associated with taking a break. One's work is (hopefully) done by then, but even if it isn't, tea must come. It perks you up, helps energize you for the evening's work, for making dinner and taking care of any chores that didn't get taken care of earlier (like dishes ... cough, cough).
I also like the idea of inviting people over for tea. Nothing so fancy or elaborate as a meal, not quite so formal, just a chance to rest together, chat, talk ... it seems to me a better way to get to know each other. The hostess isn't wrapped up in meal preparations, worried about the food. It's just an easy time of friendship. Last spring I had my friend Jo and her little daughter CoCo over for a tea party. I admit, I went a little nuts with the fancy preparations, but it was fun, and our friendship was strengthened over the tea table.
So, Americans, I challenge you to let go of the Boston Tea Party. Let's bring afternoon tea back to this country! We need it!
At least, I need it. And while I don't mind being the only weirdo around, doing something nobody else does, it's always nice to say, "Oh yes, I have many friends who practice afternoon tea. No, I've never actually met any of them. Yes, I know blogging is odd. Yes, I know afternoon tea is odd. We're all odd together."
Doesn't that sound like fun?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
So Many Thoughts, So Little Coherence
We had our first major accident yesterday afternoon ... Bug fell down the stairs. Thankfully, she only fell from the fourth stair, and the only injury is a small lump on her forehead. She gave both Carl and me heart attacks, though! I mostly love living in a house with all hardwood floors, but there are times I wish my stairs, at least, were carpeted.
On the bright side, about half an hour after she fell, she finally figured out how to crawl down the stairs. We've been working on her with this, and I guess after falling she decided she'd better get a better way of coming down! This morning I helped her down the stairs (she still feels more comfortable with someone next to her, and after the fall, so do I), and she chanted "Nie" the whole way, which is her word for "nice."
I went on a baking binge yesterday, and as a result I have two loaves of English Muffin bread, one loaf of molasses/maple syrup bread (supposed to just be molasses, but I ran out and had to use half molasses and half syrup), one batch of baking-powder biscuits, and one batch of sweet cinnamon biscuits. I'm not sure how we're going to eat it all, but I think my carbs cravings got the best of me!
(Bug is now looking at me and happily babbling from halfway up the stairs. She has a toy in each hand, which makes me nervous regarding her climbing ability, but seeing as how she just made it to the top step, I suppose I don't need to worry.)
My throat is finally starting to hurt less. I took a friend's advice and mixed 1/8 teaspoon of cayenne pepper with a cup of hot lemon and honey a couple days ago, but while that numbed my throat (and lips, and tongue) temporarily, it didn't do anything in the long run. So I've gone back to lots of hot drinks, lots of lemon, and as much rest as I can get with a house, husband, and one-year-old, and I'm starting to see some recovery.
I got an email from Carpatina Dolls this morning stating that they are discontinuing Isabella, Emma, Adam, and Carter. I'm horrified. I was so looking forward to getting some of them for Bug when she's older, but now I have to try to convince my husband to take advantage of the discount price and buy one now and save it. At least Carpatina, unlike American Girl, is giving a discount price on their discontinued items!
I posted the final chapters of Frozen Dreams yesterday, and last night my dear friend Laura, a brilliant writer in her own right, reviewed it all for me. My sister is supposed to be reading it at some point, and I've another friend who enjoys romances and is extremely discerning, and doesn't let things like friendship stand in the way of truth (she's the only person I could ever count on to honestly tell me how I sounded when doing special music at church), that I'm going to send it to. Once I've compiled people's opinions, made any changes necessary, I'll start trying it on some publishers!
And those are my scattered thoughts this morning :) Enjoy.
On the bright side, about half an hour after she fell, she finally figured out how to crawl down the stairs. We've been working on her with this, and I guess after falling she decided she'd better get a better way of coming down! This morning I helped her down the stairs (she still feels more comfortable with someone next to her, and after the fall, so do I), and she chanted "Nie" the whole way, which is her word for "nice."
I went on a baking binge yesterday, and as a result I have two loaves of English Muffin bread, one loaf of molasses/maple syrup bread (supposed to just be molasses, but I ran out and had to use half molasses and half syrup), one batch of baking-powder biscuits, and one batch of sweet cinnamon biscuits. I'm not sure how we're going to eat it all, but I think my carbs cravings got the best of me!
(Bug is now looking at me and happily babbling from halfway up the stairs. She has a toy in each hand, which makes me nervous regarding her climbing ability, but seeing as how she just made it to the top step, I suppose I don't need to worry.)
My throat is finally starting to hurt less. I took a friend's advice and mixed 1/8 teaspoon of cayenne pepper with a cup of hot lemon and honey a couple days ago, but while that numbed my throat (and lips, and tongue) temporarily, it didn't do anything in the long run. So I've gone back to lots of hot drinks, lots of lemon, and as much rest as I can get with a house, husband, and one-year-old, and I'm starting to see some recovery.
I got an email from Carpatina Dolls this morning stating that they are discontinuing Isabella, Emma, Adam, and Carter. I'm horrified. I was so looking forward to getting some of them for Bug when she's older, but now I have to try to convince my husband to take advantage of the discount price and buy one now and save it. At least Carpatina, unlike American Girl, is giving a discount price on their discontinued items!
I posted the final chapters of Frozen Dreams yesterday, and last night my dear friend Laura, a brilliant writer in her own right, reviewed it all for me. My sister is supposed to be reading it at some point, and I've another friend who enjoys romances and is extremely discerning, and doesn't let things like friendship stand in the way of truth (she's the only person I could ever count on to honestly tell me how I sounded when doing special music at church), that I'm going to send it to. Once I've compiled people's opinions, made any changes necessary, I'll start trying it on some publishers!
And those are my scattered thoughts this morning :) Enjoy.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Blogging Wishes
I wish I could be one of those bloggers. You know, the ones who get their posts recommended and referred by practically everyone else on the web. The ones who are on everyone's subscription list. The ones who write either these incredibly deep, meaningful posts about life matters, or the ones who are so funny people come away from their blogs in tears from laughing.
After all, writing is my life blood. I should be able to be one of those bloggers, shouldn't I?
And yet, I'm not. I have my own infinitesimally tiny corner of the web, where I blather and babble, and occasionally get out something of worth.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing it.
And then I remember: ultimately, it's not about touching millions of people every time I write. If just once, I write something that encourages one person, it's a good reason to keep on. If I alone am encouraged, it's a good reason to keep on. I know that last sounds selfish, but lets face it, we all need encouragement. I don't see many people in my everyday life to give me encouragement, so I take it where I can.
Ultimately, I don't write for the readers. I never have, even with my stories. I write because I must. I write to get out something in me that can't stay in. And I blog to help hone my writing abilities. Well, that and I like getting comments :)
(The comments thing was a joke, but I do enjoy the sensation of being connected to a larger world, with friends from all over the globe.)
And so I continue. And maybe, someday, when I'm not pregnant and part of my brain has returned to me, I'll start writing posts that have a bit more depth to them.
Until then, I'll just keep blathering away.
After all, writing is my life blood. I should be able to be one of those bloggers, shouldn't I?
And yet, I'm not. I have my own infinitesimally tiny corner of the web, where I blather and babble, and occasionally get out something of worth.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing it.
And then I remember: ultimately, it's not about touching millions of people every time I write. If just once, I write something that encourages one person, it's a good reason to keep on. If I alone am encouraged, it's a good reason to keep on. I know that last sounds selfish, but lets face it, we all need encouragement. I don't see many people in my everyday life to give me encouragement, so I take it where I can.
Ultimately, I don't write for the readers. I never have, even with my stories. I write because I must. I write to get out something in me that can't stay in. And I blog to help hone my writing abilities. Well, that and I like getting comments :)
(The comments thing was a joke, but I do enjoy the sensation of being connected to a larger world, with friends from all over the globe.)
And so I continue. And maybe, someday, when I'm not pregnant and part of my brain has returned to me, I'll start writing posts that have a bit more depth to them.
Until then, I'll just keep blathering away.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Bits and Pieces, but Mostly Bug
Bug is now standing all on her own--with no support. She refuses to take a step without holding onto something, but I'm not in any rush. I'm enjoying watching this new development! Well okay, I would like to see her start walking within the next month or two, but I'm not freaking out over it like I was with her delay in crawling. By now, I have learned enough about my daughter to know that she'll do something when she's good and ready, and able to do it well, not when she's still shaky about it.
I am far more concerned about her darn teeth. I know I don't need to worry--and most of the time I don't--but I will freely admit to getting quite impatient for them. It's been seven months since the first two showed up! I was relieved when my sister told me about her coworker's daughter, who got two teeth at six months, and then nothing more until eighteen months, so I know Bug isn't the only one out there, but I am so sick of waiting, and always wondering if she's sick, having a temper tantrum, or teething.
I had several meaningful posts running through my head last night, but unfortunately they are all gone now. I didn't sleep well Saturday night (I KNEW I shouldn't have had that chai tea. My body does not handle caffeine after 4:00 in the afternoon, but I didn't want to be rude and refuse. Next time I'll forget about politeness), and while I slept better last night, it still wasn't good. I haven't recovered yet from my sickness.
I did start working on my fantasy book again yesterday. I've been so involved with editing Frozen Dreams that I haven't been working on anything fresh, and it felt wonderful to be creative again, not just technical (by the way, emily-in-the-glass, thank you for your review. I'm still trying to figure out if I can work in more analogy, or if it would be better to split the theology into two chapters, or what. I appreciate your insights!). Now that Bug is starting to be less clingy again, hopefully I can get more writing done this week.
I finished Part 1 of Knowing God yesterday, too. I can't believe I never read that before! Many, many thanks to my uncle for sending it to me. It's right up there with all of Jerry Bridges' books as a favorite of mine.
Carl accidentally referred to #2 the other day as "she." Now I'm really starting to wonder ... girl or boy? I can't wait until my ultrasound tech gets back from school break and we can find out! Any guesses on my readers' parts? I took one of those dorky online tests the other day that said I had an 85% chance of having a girl based on my symptoms, but I don't believe those things. For one thing, they don't provide enough options. It asked if I was craving sweet or sour, and what I'm mostly craving is CARBS LOTS OF CARBS GIVE ME BREAD PEOPLE. It also asked if I was carrying high or low, but I carried Bug higher even than most girls, so I think my body just carries high naturally.
I'll be happy with either one. Girl scares me less than boy, but it'd be fun to have one of each, too. Who knows? Less than a month to find out!
I am far more concerned about her darn teeth. I know I don't need to worry--and most of the time I don't--but I will freely admit to getting quite impatient for them. It's been seven months since the first two showed up! I was relieved when my sister told me about her coworker's daughter, who got two teeth at six months, and then nothing more until eighteen months, so I know Bug isn't the only one out there, but I am so sick of waiting, and always wondering if she's sick, having a temper tantrum, or teething.
I had several meaningful posts running through my head last night, but unfortunately they are all gone now. I didn't sleep well Saturday night (I KNEW I shouldn't have had that chai tea. My body does not handle caffeine after 4:00 in the afternoon, but I didn't want to be rude and refuse. Next time I'll forget about politeness), and while I slept better last night, it still wasn't good. I haven't recovered yet from my sickness.
I did start working on my fantasy book again yesterday. I've been so involved with editing Frozen Dreams that I haven't been working on anything fresh, and it felt wonderful to be creative again, not just technical (by the way, emily-in-the-glass, thank you for your review. I'm still trying to figure out if I can work in more analogy, or if it would be better to split the theology into two chapters, or what. I appreciate your insights!). Now that Bug is starting to be less clingy again, hopefully I can get more writing done this week.
I finished Part 1 of Knowing God yesterday, too. I can't believe I never read that before! Many, many thanks to my uncle for sending it to me. It's right up there with all of Jerry Bridges' books as a favorite of mine.
Carl accidentally referred to #2 the other day as "she." Now I'm really starting to wonder ... girl or boy? I can't wait until my ultrasound tech gets back from school break and we can find out! Any guesses on my readers' parts? I took one of those dorky online tests the other day that said I had an 85% chance of having a girl based on my symptoms, but I don't believe those things. For one thing, they don't provide enough options. It asked if I was craving sweet or sour, and what I'm mostly craving is CARBS LOTS OF CARBS GIVE ME BREAD PEOPLE. It also asked if I was carrying high or low, but I carried Bug higher even than most girls, so I think my body just carries high naturally.
I'll be happy with either one. Girl scares me less than boy, but it'd be fun to have one of each, too. Who knows? Less than a month to find out!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
For Your Amusement
You know your entire family loves Narnia when first your father uses "Puddleglum" as an adjective, not a noun ("He was rather Puddleglum about the whole thing"), and then twenty minutes later your husband, unaware of your conversation with your father, uses it the exact same way ("They can be quite Puddleglum, can't they?").
I love being part of a family of Narnia geeks.
And now my daughter is being Puddleglum about having to wait for her dinner. Gotta run!
I love being part of a family of Narnia geeks.
And now my daughter is being Puddleglum about having to wait for her dinner. Gotta run!
Safety Measures
I just spent what felt like forever (while Carl played Uno with his mom and sister) changing my daughter's name on all the posts I could get at to her nickname of "Bug." I have become more and more uncomfortable with so much personal information available to anyone. I've also started watermarking my photos, so hopefully she'll be a bit better protected. I don't mind most of you who read my blog on a regular basis knowing her name, but I'd just as soon strangers not find it out.
I'll have to send you all private emails when #2 comes along, so you can find out his/her name without me broadcasting it over the Internet!
I'll have to send you all private emails when #2 comes along, so you can find out his/her name without me broadcasting it over the Internet!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Story Help!
I just posted two of the hardest chapters to write of my story, Frozen Dreams, on fictionpress. I would greatly appreciate feedback (especially on Ch. 18, where I try to give the basics of salvation without making it too complicated OR leaving anything out OR watering it down), so if you have a moment or two, go check it out and leave me a review!
Feel free to read the entire story, by the way, not just Ch. 17 & 18. You know, if you want.
And yes, I know it's not finished yet. It is on my computer--I just have to get it all up online.
Feel free to read the entire story, by the way, not just Ch. 17 & 18. You know, if you want.
And yes, I know it's not finished yet. It is on my computer--I just have to get it all up online.
Friday, January 09, 2009
The Importance of Prayer
In recent months (almost ever since I got pregnant) Carl has been putting Bug to bed for me. This started mainly because I was too tired and too sick in the first trimester to put her to bed, and has continued as a special time between the two of them, a chance to cuddle, and for Carl to read to her. It's also a break for me from taking care of her all day long.
Last night, however, I put her to bed. I'm not sure if she's (still) teething, if she's recovering from all our traveling, if she's sick, or just plain showing her depravity, but she has been AWFUL these last few days. Clingy, whiny, screamy--she drives me distracted during the day, and starting at five-o-clock and continuing until her bedtime at seven, she is just flat-out, full-blown miserable, with nothing but supper consoling her. Sometimes even supper won't do it.
So last night, I had a raging headache, both from her and from my illness, but Carl was working on putting weatherstripping up around our door to keep cold out and warmth in, so if we wanted to get the Girl to bed, I had to do it.
I was just going to change her, kiss her, and put her down, seeing as how frustrated I was and that my supper was awaiting me downstairs, but I relented enough to sit and read her "Goodnight Moon," her favorite bedtime story. She was quiet and content enough for that, snuggling in my lap with her stuffed Pooh, that I finished up by praying with her. I prayed that God would help both her and me to feel and be better the next day, that he would give us both good night's sleeps, that he would help me be more loving and patient toward her, adn that he would help her be not so naughty.
You know what? I went to pick her up out of bed this morning with a heart full of love, instead of dreading her awake cries as I have been the last few mornings. She smiled all through breakfast. Right now she is happily playing upstairs with her wooden toys (don't worry, the baby gate is in place at the top of the stairs) while I am typing. I'm not saying this is going to be a perfect day, but I know that my heart is different, which will make all the difference in the world.
Why don't I pray every day? Why don't I take the time to talk to my Lord even once a day? I get so wrapped up in everyday life that praying--not little, rushed, in-the-moment prayers, but deliberate prayers--falls by the wayside. What is wrong with me, that I do that? A while back I had grand, lofty plans to start out Bug's day with prayer, as well as ending it. Now that Carl's putting her to bed, I don't even end my day with prayer, much less start. Not only is this horrible for me, it's setting a bad example to my daughter.
I tell friends I will pray for them, and I do--briefly. Usually as soon as I say it, I send a quick prayer up for them, and then another quick one whenever it occurs to me. I don't take the time to sit down and thoughtfully pray for people. I get worried about my spiritual life because pregnancy has sucked my brain so dry I don't have the wits to study, but I don't bother taking that to the Lord, and asking him to nourish me through this difficult time. I fret and I fume, and forget that all the time One is there to lovingly guide me through.
So I am asking you, my blog friends, to remind me to pray. Drop me a note, leave me a comment ... remind me once in a while--not every day, just occasionally--that I need to pray. And, if it is not to much to ask, pray for me, as well?
Last night, however, I put her to bed. I'm not sure if she's (still) teething, if she's recovering from all our traveling, if she's sick, or just plain showing her depravity, but she has been AWFUL these last few days. Clingy, whiny, screamy--she drives me distracted during the day, and starting at five-o-clock and continuing until her bedtime at seven, she is just flat-out, full-blown miserable, with nothing but supper consoling her. Sometimes even supper won't do it.
So last night, I had a raging headache, both from her and from my illness, but Carl was working on putting weatherstripping up around our door to keep cold out and warmth in, so if we wanted to get the Girl to bed, I had to do it.
I was just going to change her, kiss her, and put her down, seeing as how frustrated I was and that my supper was awaiting me downstairs, but I relented enough to sit and read her "Goodnight Moon," her favorite bedtime story. She was quiet and content enough for that, snuggling in my lap with her stuffed Pooh, that I finished up by praying with her. I prayed that God would help both her and me to feel and be better the next day, that he would give us both good night's sleeps, that he would help me be more loving and patient toward her, adn that he would help her be not so naughty.
You know what? I went to pick her up out of bed this morning with a heart full of love, instead of dreading her awake cries as I have been the last few mornings. She smiled all through breakfast. Right now she is happily playing upstairs with her wooden toys (don't worry, the baby gate is in place at the top of the stairs) while I am typing. I'm not saying this is going to be a perfect day, but I know that my heart is different, which will make all the difference in the world.
Why don't I pray every day? Why don't I take the time to talk to my Lord even once a day? I get so wrapped up in everyday life that praying--not little, rushed, in-the-moment prayers, but deliberate prayers--falls by the wayside. What is wrong with me, that I do that? A while back I had grand, lofty plans to start out Bug's day with prayer, as well as ending it. Now that Carl's putting her to bed, I don't even end my day with prayer, much less start. Not only is this horrible for me, it's setting a bad example to my daughter.
I tell friends I will pray for them, and I do--briefly. Usually as soon as I say it, I send a quick prayer up for them, and then another quick one whenever it occurs to me. I don't take the time to sit down and thoughtfully pray for people. I get worried about my spiritual life because pregnancy has sucked my brain so dry I don't have the wits to study, but I don't bother taking that to the Lord, and asking him to nourish me through this difficult time. I fret and I fume, and forget that all the time One is there to lovingly guide me through.
So I am asking you, my blog friends, to remind me to pray. Drop me a note, leave me a comment ... remind me once in a while--not every day, just occasionally--that I need to pray. And, if it is not to much to ask, pray for me, as well?
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Christmas Fun
I almost hate to do a new post, due to the wonderful discussion we've got going on with the last one. So feel free to keep commenting on that, my friends!
I'm also sick with a nasty bug that makes me feel like I have a handful of tiny, sharp nails pouring down my throat every time I swallow, and is, oddly enough, making it somewhat difficult to breathe. That, combined with the wriggling child in my lap, means this post will be mostly pictures of Bug with one of her favorite Christmas presents!
Getting ready to go play outside
Too many layers to move, but having so much fun!
Whee!
Riding off into the sunset with the man of her dreams
I'm also sick with a nasty bug that makes me feel like I have a handful of tiny, sharp nails pouring down my throat every time I swallow, and is, oddly enough, making it somewhat difficult to breathe. That, combined with the wriggling child in my lap, means this post will be mostly pictures of Bug with one of her favorite Christmas presents!
Getting ready to go play outside
Too many layers to move, but having so much fun!
Whee!
Riding off into the sunset with the man of her dreamsWednesday, January 07, 2009
Encouragement
I am seeing a trend lately, at least in the blogs I read, away from the parental attitude toward one's children of "you can do anything you want" to a practical, pragmatic, "You have limitations."
No doubt this is a good thing. This country is suffering from a generation of children who believe the world owes them whatever they want. But it bothers me. My husband and I have actually had many conversations on this matter, actually, because he thinks that's a good approach, and I'm really bothered by it.
Mostly, I think, it is because I am by nature an encourager. When Carl told me he only wants to continue engineering long enough to pay off bills, and then go to seminary to work toward becoming a professor of New Testament, I didn't look at all the problems and difficulties that would come from that. I said "Great, we'll make it work somehow!" I'm not saying this to make me sound like a wonderful wife: it's simply my nature. I firmly believe in encouraging everyone's dreams, child or adult. So the thought of telling a child he or she has limitations is fairly repugnant to my makeup.
Part of it, I'm sure, comes from the fact that I had one of those practical, pragmatic (New England) mothers, who didn't squelch my dreams, but didn't actively encourage them, either. I know her goal was to make us independent and strong, and it worked, and I also know she made huge sacrifices for us, such as sitting in freezing cold ice rinks while we took skating lessons and cleaning a neighbor's house in exchange for my voice lessons. She was--IS--a wonderful mother, and I'm so thankful to her for EVERYTHING. But she's not an encourager. That's Dad, and unfortunately, Dad worked so much when we were kids (part of HIS sacrifice so Mom could stay home and homeschool us), that I didn't get much encouraging to follow my dreams until I was older.
I don't like the idea of limiting your children because of physical challenges, either. Sure, a kid with two left feet might have to work harder to become a dancer, but it's not impossible. Kristi Yamaguchi had club feet when she was a child. People told Scott Hamilton he had the wrong build and style to be a figure skater. Michael Phelps had ADD. Franklin D Roosevelt had polio. If you love something, you can overcome the challenges to achieve that goal.
I don't think parents should limit their children. I think they should help them recognize natural limits, but if their children really love something, and really want to pursue it, as a parent, I want to do everything possible to help my child get there. Even if it seems impossible. I'm not talking about natural impossibilities--as Mom used to tell me, no matter how much I might want to be an animal, I never will be.
But that's just my opinion. Something I had to get off my chest. Any other encouragers out there with me on this? Or do you all think I'm completely sentimental and unrealistic?
No doubt this is a good thing. This country is suffering from a generation of children who believe the world owes them whatever they want. But it bothers me. My husband and I have actually had many conversations on this matter, actually, because he thinks that's a good approach, and I'm really bothered by it.
Mostly, I think, it is because I am by nature an encourager. When Carl told me he only wants to continue engineering long enough to pay off bills, and then go to seminary to work toward becoming a professor of New Testament, I didn't look at all the problems and difficulties that would come from that. I said "Great, we'll make it work somehow!" I'm not saying this to make me sound like a wonderful wife: it's simply my nature. I firmly believe in encouraging everyone's dreams, child or adult. So the thought of telling a child he or she has limitations is fairly repugnant to my makeup.
Part of it, I'm sure, comes from the fact that I had one of those practical, pragmatic (New England) mothers, who didn't squelch my dreams, but didn't actively encourage them, either. I know her goal was to make us independent and strong, and it worked, and I also know she made huge sacrifices for us, such as sitting in freezing cold ice rinks while we took skating lessons and cleaning a neighbor's house in exchange for my voice lessons. She was--IS--a wonderful mother, and I'm so thankful to her for EVERYTHING. But she's not an encourager. That's Dad, and unfortunately, Dad worked so much when we were kids (part of HIS sacrifice so Mom could stay home and homeschool us), that I didn't get much encouraging to follow my dreams until I was older.
I don't like the idea of limiting your children because of physical challenges, either. Sure, a kid with two left feet might have to work harder to become a dancer, but it's not impossible. Kristi Yamaguchi had club feet when she was a child. People told Scott Hamilton he had the wrong build and style to be a figure skater. Michael Phelps had ADD. Franklin D Roosevelt had polio. If you love something, you can overcome the challenges to achieve that goal.
I don't think parents should limit their children. I think they should help them recognize natural limits, but if their children really love something, and really want to pursue it, as a parent, I want to do everything possible to help my child get there. Even if it seems impossible. I'm not talking about natural impossibilities--as Mom used to tell me, no matter how much I might want to be an animal, I never will be.
But that's just my opinion. Something I had to get off my chest. Any other encouragers out there with me on this? Or do you all think I'm completely sentimental and unrealistic?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
A Little Bug Fix
What better way to start your day than cuddling with your little girl in bed, having homemade toast and tea for breakfast, and then trying to type while aforementioned little girl sings (and dances) in your lap?
Now she is tearing through the house, singing as she goes. I love that she is so vocal; the only time I have to worry about her is when she's quiet!
She's started to learn how to give kisses. It usually involves bumping her wide open mouth against one's cheek, but it's a start, and it melts my heart every time. She also, just a few minutes ago, stood quite sturdily on her own, with no support at all! She loves walking if someone holds her hands, and I'm looking forward to the day she does it all on her own. I hear other mothers claim that once your kid starts walking you wish they hadn't, but that's what they said about crawling, and I've never regretted that. I love seeing my little Bug turn every day more and more into a real person with a distinct personality, instead of just another baby.
(Speaking of "baby" that's her favorite word right now. It used to be used only for actual babies and baby dolls, but now she uses it for anything soft and cuddly--her stuffed dog (which she named Dodo instantly upon receiving), her snuggly blanket, my sweatshirt when she's cuddling with me ...)
It's amazing what little things turn babies into little people. Mom gave Bug her first haircut on Christmas Eve, and I couldn't get over how just trimming a few scraggly ends transformed and matured her appearance so much!
Now she is tearing through the house, singing as she goes. I love that she is so vocal; the only time I have to worry about her is when she's quiet!
She's started to learn how to give kisses. It usually involves bumping her wide open mouth against one's cheek, but it's a start, and it melts my heart every time. She also, just a few minutes ago, stood quite sturdily on her own, with no support at all! She loves walking if someone holds her hands, and I'm looking forward to the day she does it all on her own. I hear other mothers claim that once your kid starts walking you wish they hadn't, but that's what they said about crawling, and I've never regretted that. I love seeing my little Bug turn every day more and more into a real person with a distinct personality, instead of just another baby.
(Speaking of "baby" that's her favorite word right now. It used to be used only for actual babies and baby dolls, but now she uses it for anything soft and cuddly--her stuffed dog (which she named Dodo instantly upon receiving), her snuggly blanket, my sweatshirt when she's cuddling with me ...)
It's amazing what little things turn babies into little people. Mom gave Bug her first haircut on Christmas Eve, and I couldn't get over how just trimming a few scraggly ends transformed and matured her appearance so much!
Monday, January 05, 2009
Misery
I hate being pregnant.
I am twenty weeks along as of Saturday. This is the best stage of pregnancy for me--I'm not sick (although I have my nauseous moments and the days when my body just shuts down and refuses to function), and I'm not so huge that I cannot move. In fact, I've only gained twelve pounds thus far!
But even at this stage, I can tell that I'm just not right. My emotions are out of whack. I'm irritable. I take everything personally. Dasha's found herself dangerously close to spankings several times in the last few days--admittedly, she's been showing nasty signs of temper, but still. I reserve spankings for the absolute worst offenses--not my everyday method of dealing with issues. I snap at Carl, feel like my friends don't care about me, drown in misery and self-pity.
And I know none of this is real. I know my emotions just lie to me. Yet even knowing it doesn't make it better. I just have to tell myself to hold on, hunker down, and wait out the storm. And in the meantime, pray that God protects my family from any backlash.
Only twenty more weeks to go--God is good, and merciful, and he will show me grace!
I am twenty weeks along as of Saturday. This is the best stage of pregnancy for me--I'm not sick (although I have my nauseous moments and the days when my body just shuts down and refuses to function), and I'm not so huge that I cannot move. In fact, I've only gained twelve pounds thus far!
But even at this stage, I can tell that I'm just not right. My emotions are out of whack. I'm irritable. I take everything personally. Dasha's found herself dangerously close to spankings several times in the last few days--admittedly, she's been showing nasty signs of temper, but still. I reserve spankings for the absolute worst offenses--not my everyday method of dealing with issues. I snap at Carl, feel like my friends don't care about me, drown in misery and self-pity.
And I know none of this is real. I know my emotions just lie to me. Yet even knowing it doesn't make it better. I just have to tell myself to hold on, hunker down, and wait out the storm. And in the meantime, pray that God protects my family from any backlash.
Only twenty more weeks to go--God is good, and merciful, and he will show me grace!
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Home Again
We are back home. Our week and half of rest ended up far more stressful and busy than we had pictured, so we are coming home at least as tired, if not more so, than we left.
But it was good to see old friends and spend time with family, and especially good to see Oma and Grandpa play with their little Bug (and watch Aunt Lis with her, too, of course). She has such a special bond to my parents--Carl's mom, too, but there is really something about watching her with my dad. Dad's always been so close to both Lis and me, and I love watching him now with the next generation. He's always able to give Carl some tips on father-daughter bonding time, too.
Speaking of which, I felt horribly ill on Friday, and so stayed home from our two outings with friends. I had expected Carl to go on his own and leave Bug with Mom, Lis and me, but he said he'd take her anyway, so they had their first "date!" Mom and Lis went to Lowe's after he left, and I had the house completely to myself for the first time since Bug was born. Well, Carl's taken her for short walks without me, and I think once he ran a fifteen-minute errand with her, but those don't really count. This was about three hours of blissful aloneness. I loved it. Carl's going to have to take Bug--and #2 when he/she comes along--out without me more often, now that I remember how much I need that!
We are glad to be back home, though--glad to get settled in--happy to think that our traveling is done for a while and we can really adapt to our new home--and I'm especially excited to see two of my old and dear friends move to the area by this spring!
Now, back to unpacking.
But it was good to see old friends and spend time with family, and especially good to see Oma and Grandpa play with their little Bug (and watch Aunt Lis with her, too, of course). She has such a special bond to my parents--Carl's mom, too, but there is really something about watching her with my dad. Dad's always been so close to both Lis and me, and I love watching him now with the next generation. He's always able to give Carl some tips on father-daughter bonding time, too.
Speaking of which, I felt horribly ill on Friday, and so stayed home from our two outings with friends. I had expected Carl to go on his own and leave Bug with Mom, Lis and me, but he said he'd take her anyway, so they had their first "date!" Mom and Lis went to Lowe's after he left, and I had the house completely to myself for the first time since Bug was born. Well, Carl's taken her for short walks without me, and I think once he ran a fifteen-minute errand with her, but those don't really count. This was about three hours of blissful aloneness. I loved it. Carl's going to have to take Bug--and #2 when he/she comes along--out without me more often, now that I remember how much I need that!
We are glad to be back home, though--glad to get settled in--happy to think that our traveling is done for a while and we can really adapt to our new home--and I'm especially excited to see two of my old and dear friends move to the area by this spring!
Now, back to unpacking.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Welcome, 2009
Carl and Dad are bathing Dasha, Mom is helping Lis pack up her Christmas decorations, David is painting their spare room (or Spare Oom as I always want to call it), and I am blogging. So far, the new year is starting well. Even without ice cream.
Actually, Carl and I got into a mild tiff earlier, Dasha is showing more signs of her total depravity, and Mom is about on her last legs after working without cease during her school vacation. It's all a matter of perspective.
We saw the new year in with my grandfather and youngest uncle, after a hilarious evening playing Apples to Apples and ImaginIff. Grandpa was telling funny stories about my grandmother for the first time in years, ever since before she went into the nursing home (she is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's), Uncle Andy was in full form of cracking jokes, Lis and I were reminiscing about when we were kids playing with our young uncles and aunt, Carl and David were picking unmercifully on Lis (but it's okay, she gave back as good as she got), and Mom and dad were enjoying it all. At least, I hope they were enjoying us. It was one of hte nicest New Year's Eve I've spent in a long time.
Especially compared to last year, when I was utterly exhausted from taking care of a brand-new colicky baby.
I've given up making New Year resolutions, because they never stick, but my goal for 2009 is to have three stories out for publication. One is already out seeking a home, another is on the verge of being ready, and I've been working on writing the third. I know it's just barely 2009, but I need to get a head start, since writing/editing time with a new baby come this spring and summer will be scarce, to say the least.
I also hope to get into writing more meaningful posts, other than the frothy updates I've been giving lately, but that should get better once I'm settled in at home and life slows down marginally.
What are your goals for 2009? What do you hope to see happen, or what turns do you want your life to take? I'd love to know!
Actually, Carl and I got into a mild tiff earlier, Dasha is showing more signs of her total depravity, and Mom is about on her last legs after working without cease during her school vacation. It's all a matter of perspective.
We saw the new year in with my grandfather and youngest uncle, after a hilarious evening playing Apples to Apples and ImaginIff. Grandpa was telling funny stories about my grandmother for the first time in years, ever since before she went into the nursing home (she is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's), Uncle Andy was in full form of cracking jokes, Lis and I were reminiscing about when we were kids playing with our young uncles and aunt, Carl and David were picking unmercifully on Lis (but it's okay, she gave back as good as she got), and Mom and dad were enjoying it all. At least, I hope they were enjoying us. It was one of hte nicest New Year's Eve I've spent in a long time.
Especially compared to last year, when I was utterly exhausted from taking care of a brand-new colicky baby.
I've given up making New Year resolutions, because they never stick, but my goal for 2009 is to have three stories out for publication. One is already out seeking a home, another is on the verge of being ready, and I've been working on writing the third. I know it's just barely 2009, but I need to get a head start, since writing/editing time with a new baby come this spring and summer will be scarce, to say the least.
I also hope to get into writing more meaningful posts, other than the frothy updates I've been giving lately, but that should get better once I'm settled in at home and life slows down marginally.
What are your goals for 2009? What do you hope to see happen, or what turns do you want your life to take? I'd love to know!
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