Another Week, All of Grace

It's a grey and rainy (but not too cold) Monday, the perfect day for some baking projects of my own, and a fingerpainting project with Bug.

In an attempt to NOT be the worst mother ever, I've started trying to to think of one new project a week I can try with Bug. This week it's finger painting. I found some great online recipes for making edible finger paint with cornstarch, water, salt and food coloring, which considering that Bug still puts everything in her mouth if I take my eyes off her for a second, is perfect. I have a plastic tablecloth I bought years ago for craft projects ... I'll cover the floor with that, put Bug in an old t-shirt of mine (yeah, I'm too cheap to buy my kid a real smock), grab some paper, and we'll paint away. One of my friends even suggested making some Mother's Day cards, which maybe we'll try later this week if Bug really likes the painting. So far she hasn't really gotten into using crayons!

I must confess to dismal failure in my attempt to study Ruth every day last week. In fact, I never even cracked it once. By God's grace, I hope to do better this week.

Nor did I get all my diaper covers sewn. I got them all cut out, started sewing the first one, and promptly proceeded to call my mother and ask if I could mail them to her to do on the Serger instead. I could do them on my machine here ... but what would take Mom one afternoon with the Serger would end up taking me a month to do with much frustration. She has a nice long April break starting in a few weeks, so she said she'd be happy to take care of them for me. One less thing I have to worry about regarding the baby!

I started to get nervous about labor again this weekend. Between going to the chiropractor twice a week and planning a water birth, I had started to get fairly confident. But the Braxton-Hicks started to get stronger Saturday night, reminding me that no matter what one does, labor sucks. It really does. And it's coming soon, and as much as I want to meet this little girl, oh my goodness I still have a lot to do to prepare. Grace, please, Father!

And to wrap up my last week recap/this week plan, I leave you with a picture from Saturday, a perfectly beautiful May day given to us in March. Carl and I took Bug to a nearby park, walked around by the river, and ended in the playground, where we introduced Bug to swings.

She loved them.

My Outrage Spilleth Over

Now that the Worlds are done, I have to stop reading the news articles about them. I get angrier and angrier with each one, and NBC's dreadful coverage of the ladies free skate had already ticked me off to begin with!

I have been watching skating for almost 20 years, on ABC, CBS, FOX, and CBC and CTV (oh, for the days of Canadian coverage! I'd even endure the obnoxious commentators to get that kind of depth again). NBC is, hands down, the worst ever. I have never, ever, ever seen a station cover an international competition and not show every one of its own country's skaters, regardless of their standing. To not show Alissa Czisny last night was a slap in her face, and a horrible letdown for those of us who still love to watch her, despite her poor showing the the short program. She's the national champion, people, you don't just cut her out of coverage because she did not skate in the final two flights! Instead of a long, annoying interview with Michelle Kawn (Michelle who?) during the warmups, they could have shown--should have sown--Alissa's free skate. To not do so is simply outrageous.

And now, NBC and everyone and their brother are looking down their noses at both Rachael Flatt and Alissa for only scoring two berths to the Olympics. "Never since 1994 has the US only been able to send two" they loftily proclaim. If they bother to think, the US didn't do so badly in that Olympics ... Nancy Kerrigan was only a heartbeat away from winning the gold. "Never since 19something has the US not medaled at the ladies event at Olympics." Who says we're not going to medal? Yes, Kim Yu-Na is spectacular. Yes, the Japanese ladies are phenomenal. But the Olympics are a year away ... anything can happen. Before the 2002 Olympics, nobody, but nobody, would have guessed that Sarah Hughes would win the gold medal. It was considered a fight between Kwan and Irinia Slutskaya, with Sasha Cohen an outside chance.

Anything can happen. Don't write our ladies off yet.

And seriously, Michelle and Sasha? Retire already. You've had your chances--many, many chances. It's time to step aside. If you're not willing to put the effort in for the years between Olympics, you don't have any right to try and steal the glory and the chance from those who have. This is Alissa's time, Rachael's time, Mirai and Kimmie and Caroline's time. Don't stand in their way; step aside for the next generation. Please.

Well there. I feel better now! Now hopefully I can go to church without seething all through the sermon.

Playing with my Child

Yesterday was one of those "feel like the worst mother ever" days. I was so tired, and so discouraged, and Bug was so unhappy, and ... well, you get the picture. I worry (quite a bit) that I don't spend enough quality time with her. I've always gotten along much better with children who can talk, who are able to communicate their wants and needs, and can understand me. Trying to play, read, teach, or otherwise spend quality time with a child whose vocabulary is still mostly unintelligible is very difficult for me. Besides, Bug still seems so little! and I'm pregnant! and tired!

But excuses wear thin after a while, and I feel guilty.

Part of the difficulty, too, is that I try to do too much. I want to have a clean house, a clean me (something that requires more effort than one might imagine when pregnant), still have time for blogging, writing, other chores, STUDYING ... she only sleeps for 2-3 hours in the middle of the day, and once she's in bed at night, I'm too wiped out to do anything. So I do most of my chores when she's awake. Which is good in one sense, because she gets to see me doing things, but bad in another, because it takes away from time I could be spending just with her.

(Ironically enough, I just spent about 40 minutes away from this post, as Bug's diaper suddenly because far too small to hold in her diarrhea, resulting in a bath for her, which ended with both of us in the tub, splashing and playing. Odd where the "quality time" comes from, isn't it?)

To resume: so I've decided to make a real effort to spend more time during the day just in "Mamma and Bug" time. She's almost 17 months, old enough to start having fun with things like coloring, finger painting, other crafts and activities. One blog I read (Mozi Esme) has a list of wonderful activities you can do with your child all through the alphabet. At first I thought, "Oh, I'll start those when Bug is two," but there's no reason I can't do some of them now. And even if we have to take a few month break when Little Bug comes, I'm sure her knowledge of the alphabet won't be destroyed for life. Or even if all we do is play, without anything geared specifically toward learning, at this stage, everything is a learning experience.

If I make an effort on days when I feel up to it, if I determine to spend more time just with Bug, rather than mixing Bug with other things, hopefully I won't feel so guilty on the days when I don't feel up to doing anything.

So, I'm going to end this post now to go play with my newly clean child (who is wandering around in a diaper, shirt, socks and leg warmers, because I'm sick of her pants getting stained from diaper leaks. Teething--who knew it had so many other ramifications?)

(Bug's first attempt at using crayons. She takes learning new skills very seriously--somewhat like her father!)

Need Help! (Don't I always?)

Two posts in one day--I am either being really blog productive, or procrastinating with life.

I'm looking for advice on a couple of points. One, can anybody recommend some good meals to make and freeze for late spring/early summer? When Bug was born we put a lot of soups in the freezer, but obviously that plan won't work so well this time around. Those first two months after the baby comes, it's such a relief to just be able to pull something out of the freezer for supper and not have to worry about actually cooking anything!

The second point is, can anyone recommend a good baby sling? I have a Baby Bjorn which I love for going for walks or anything like that, but it doesn't work so well for trying to hold the baby while doing anything around the house. I know a lot of mothers use (and love) slings, so I thought I might either make myself one if anyone had a simple pattern which works well, or buy one if I can find something inexpensive.

Help, please!

A Skating Rant

So, last night I got to watch the Men's Short Program at the Worlds, and I realized something: no matter what else changes in the world of figure skating, judges will always be idiots. Or, to be slightly kinder, they will always make bad calls. No way, no way should Brian Joubert have placed above Patrick Chan and Evan Lysacek. And as much as I love Evan and want him to win, it doesn't make much sense that Chan is behind him. Even Scott Hamilton and Sandra Bezic were confused!

I know I shouldn't let myself get bothered by this sort of thing--it's only a sport, after all--but injustice of any kind puts my back up, and dogone it, I like figure skating! Although with the new scoring system and new demands it puts on the skaters, physically and mentally, I no longer have dreams of my daughters achieving greatness in the sport. I'd rather they keep their knees, ankles, backs, and other body parts intact past the age of fourteen.

They will learn to skate, though, and if they want to pursue the sport, then we'll support them, as far as they want to take it. Provided we can afford it!

In the meantime, I will continue watching the Worlds and cheering when my favorites do well, and (hopefully not much more) fuming when the judges misscore people.

The Best-Laid Plans ...

I think I should stop writing down weekly goals--I never seem to accomplish them when they are written down, but if I hold them loosely, I almost always get them done.

In other words, today is Wednesday and I still haven't sat down to Ruth. And I only have three diaper covers cut out, and none sewn! I did work more on Little Bug's quilt last night--almost five squares out of sixty-three quilted! I would have gotten more done if NCIS had come on at 8:00, as usual, but apparently CBS preferred to show the Presidential Press Conference instead. Honestly, where are their priorities?

So I had to wait until 9:00 to watch NCIS, and consequently got less quilting accomplished.

Bug has been a complete crank these last few days, a combination, I suspect, of over-excitement and over-tiredness from our company this past weekend, and a tooth coming through. I thought that teething was supposed to get better after the first four, but she turns miserable for every single one. She threw a full-blown temper tantrum last night when I would let her touch the hot stove. She's never been allowed to touch the stove, whether it's on or off, but apparently she thought last night that she could.

Oh well. Soon enough I'll have two to deal with, and then I'll be wishing for these days again!

I asked the chiropractor yesterday about my groin pain, and she said it was likely caused by Little Bug pushing on nerve points (just like you mentioned, Sunrise!), and showed my the position to hopefully wiggle her off the nerve and give me some relief. Thank goodness it's not a true groin pull!

In other news, my Welsh Fairy book should be here today or tomorrow, which means I should get the needed inspiration to work on my story again. I've gotten stuck on a couple of plot points, and I think it would help having an idea what Welsh fairy tales in general read like.

Other than that, life has been fairly uneventful--hence this slightly dull post. Hopefully I'll have more of interest to write in the next day or two!

Louise the Plumber

Yesterday did not turn out as I had hoped. I wasn't able to study in Ruth at all, and I didn't even think about diapers. What did I do instead? Well, after sweeping and mopping the entire house, top to bottom (which it sorely needed), I turned into a plumber. And that was pretty much the rest of my day.

Sunday evening Carl discovered our kitchen sink was clogged. He was going to stop by the local Ace Hardware (Ace ... the helpful place!) on his way home from work on Monday and get either some Drano or one of those miniature drain snakes specifically for kitchen and bathroom drains. He's been stressing over how soon his PE is coming, and how much he still needs to study, so I decided to see if there were any home remedies for unclogging a sink that I could do on my own.

I poured baking soda down the drain, followed by vinegar (volcano in the sink, whee!), and then boiling water. I did this twice, but everything was still draining slowly, and water was still dripping slightly out of the pipe joins underneath the sink, so I tried mixing salt and baking soda and pouring boiling water over that.

Somehow that ended up reclogging my sink, so I quickly dumped vinegar on top of the whole mess, let it sit, and then followed with yes, more boiling water.

That, finally, cleared the block. However, in cleaning out the clog, I also rid the inside of the pipes of lots of gunk buildup, which apparently had been serving as a replacement seal for the rubber gaskets on the nuts, because now when I ran water down the drain, it came spurting out of two joins.

Argggh!

Finally, I called my dad. After thirty years in the hardware business, there is very little he doesn't know about home repairs. He said that pretty well the only fix would be to replace the trap. Before I could completely despair, though, he let me in on a secret trick that would work as a temporary-but-practically-permanent solution: wrap 3M electrical tape (NOT duct tape) around the leaking spots. That was a job I knew would require someone with hands both stronger and more careful than mine, so when Carl got home he wrapped the pipes, and finally, we were able to use our kitchen sink.

I no longer wonder why plumbers charge so much.

Our next house had better have PVC pipes all through it!

A Splendid Way to Start the Week

Well. Friday I found out that one of my dear friends, who has been trying for a while now to get pregnant (she has endometriosis) is expecting her first child in October! This morning I found out that my best friend from childhood (and my husband's best man at our wedding, incidentally) proposed to his girlfriend this weekend and she said yes!

So many happy things happening to people I love. It makes me smile.

In other news, Old Navy's 12-18 month clothing is NOT. It's more like 9-12 month. I bought Bug a pair of brown cargo pants (the kind that roll up and button to form capris, excellent for spring) and I can barely squeeze her into them. They might have to get packed away for Little Bug's use--in the smaller size bag. If I didn't know I had another child on the way who can use all of Bug's outgrown clothing, I'd be extremely annoyed, since Old Navy charges as much or more for toddler clothing as they do adult, and those pants were not cheap. I justified it by saying this style is like buying two pair of pants in one, but if she's only going to be able to wear them once or twice before I pack them away ... well, it's a good thing Little Bug is coming.

To be just, it might help if she wore disposable diapers instead of cloth. Her rear end is considerably more padded than most babies' bottoms, and slightly out of proportion to the rest of her. But I'm not switching over just to get her clothes to fit! I'll start making her pants before I do that :)

Which actually isn't a bad idea, come to think of it. I have some nice cotton, and I think I have a pants pattern that goes up to 18 months somewhere in my sewing room ...

First I have to make Little Bug's diaper covers. I've dithered about this long enough--buy, make, use disposable for the first few months, and I really, really want to use the yards and yards of fleece I bought for Bug's diaper covers, and be as frugal as possible, so this week, I Am Going To Make Diaper Covers.

Oh, I don't think I ever updated you all on my waterbirth conversation with the midwife. The only added expense would be the cost of a garden hose and fishnet, since they don't have a water vender yet (Dad wanted to know if they used the net to catch the baby), and the midwife said she highly doubts they'll have to do an episiotomy on me, since in 22 years of midwifery she's only had to perform two, and she's only had patients tear badly enough to require stitches a handful of times. I find that highly reassuring! So, as long as nobody gets to it before I do (they only have one tub), I'll be able to have my waterbirth!

My other goal for this week is to study every day in Ruth. I did great last week until Friday, and between company and busyness, I slacked off. We have nothing out of the ordinary planned now until Carl's PE test april 24th, so no excuses now!

Bug is whimpering for my attention--her sixth tooth is pushing through and she's been a little on edge because of it, so I'll end now! I hope everyone is having as good a Monday as I am!

Quick Update

Finished A Lifelong Passion. Am torn between melancholia and the urge to start plotting a new story. Since I'm still in the midst of plotting my Tesni story, I'm trying to resist the urge. Think I'll go read Freddy the Detective--a good way to cure melancholia and take my mind off too many plots bubbling in my brain!

Going shopping with Lis tomorrow. Should be fun and exhausting.

Oh, and can anyone tell me if it is normal at this stage of pregnancy to feel almost like I have a groin pull? I'm going to ask my chiropractor about it at my next appointment, but I'm also curious if anyone else has experienced this. It's not constant, just when I've spent a lot of time on my feet during the day. By evening, the right side of my groin is in intense pain whenever I walk. Stnading or sitting is fine; it's just moving that's a problem. If this is a groin pull, I have even more respect for Elvis Stojko's performance at the 1998 Olympics than I did before!

Can it really be Thursday already?

I probably won't be blogging much for the next few days. My sister-in-law is arriving for a visit this afternoon, staying until Sunday, and my sister and brother-in-law are coming in Friday evening, also until Sunday. No, we did not deliberately plan our company all to come the same weekend. Ruth is on her March break from school right now, and Lis and David are staying with us in lieu of a hotel for a sporting event. The timing just coincided, and since they're all easy company (Ruth usually spends most of her visits with us catching up on sleep!), I said sure, why not. But it won't leave me much free time for blogging.

Actually, I'm hoping to get some more outlining work done for my story this weekend. It has been pushed on the back burner recently, due to an explosion of sewing projects and family-related things. I just ordered myself The Welsh Fairy Book to help give me a flavor of a Welsh fantasy. I did the same thing a while back with Russian fairy tales, and then decided I had way more research to do before I could start my Russian fantasy. My current story is somewhat less in-depth historically, so I don't need quite so much historical research. Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting back into plotting and character outline. Maybe I'll even pull out my old homeschooling map-making book and attempt to draw a map of the land. Always something fun to do!

And, naturally, I plan to continue my study of Ruth. I was writing out a list of things to do today before Ruth (my sister-in-law, not the book) gets here, and looking it over afterward, I saw that I had forgotten to add "study." It is obviously going to take me a little while to train my brain to put studying the Word as my top priority! At least I remembered, even belatedly, to add it to the list.

Studying this book has really been a wonderful experience. As I told Carl, I haven't found any earth-shattering theological revelations, just a deeper understanding of the meaning behind the surface story--the focus on covenant, the sovereign hand of God over all, the deep faith of the main characters. And I'm still in Ch. 1!

Must be off now--much to do before my company arrives!

I am NOT a Proverbs 31 Woman

Yesterday, after Bug went down for her nap and the house was quiet, I had a choice: wash dishes and do laundry, or continue my study of Ruth? I chose to study, since there weren't that many dishes, and the laundry will always hold over to another day.

I am not one of those amazing Proverbs 31 women, who can somehow balance housework, childcare, husband time, fun project time, and Scripture study. I have to pick and choose each day what I will do--if it is a housework day, I know I won't get any writing or sewing or scrapbooking done. If it is a project day, the housework has to wait. Carl studies so much when he's at home that husband-and-wife time is hard to come with the both of us (but we're working on that), and Bug usually takes up most of my attention during the day. And writing, of course.

So where does that leave time with the Lord? It's so easy to get caught up in the physical--what is visible that needs to be done. Church tradition over the years, also, has given the idea that somehow godliness in wives and mothers looks different than it does for other people, perpetuating the lie that it's okay to neglect serious study in favor of "tending the home."

Thankfully, I have a husband who would rather come home to a messy house and a wife who has spent time in the Word than a sparkling clean house when I have not even thought about God all day. I have parents who have always shown, by word and by example, that godliness does not look different for men and for women, and that mothers are not called to a different form of godliness than single women, even. I have been blessed to grow up hearing and knowing some of the great teachers of the Word of this age, instilling in me at a very young age the thirst to learn more about our great God.

So I choose my priorities. First, it always has to be God. I'm not good at this--in fact, usually time in the Word is last on my list, and easily pushed off "until tomorrow." But I'm trying to change my mindset, and put God first. Carl and Bug second. Writing third (although that one comes more naturally to me than anything). Housework and personal projects--we make room for them as we can. But if my floors don't get swept today, and if my dishes have to sit on my counter overnight, the effect on my spiritual state will be far less devastating than another day gone by without spending time--direct, personal, meaningful time with God.

After all, how can we love a God we barely know?

Happy Kate Greenaway Day!

Just did some research and discovered that Kate Greenaway was born on March 17. So, I am declaring today a holiday in honor of her. Because I'm contrary like that.



I think I should put this poem up on the nursery wall at some point:

MY LITTLE GIRLIE

Little Girlie tell to me

What your wistful blue eyes see?
Why you like to stand so high,
Looking at the far off sky.

Does a tiny Fairy flit
In the pretty blue of it?
Or is it that you hope so soon
To see the rising yellow Moon?

A (hopefully) Temporary Return to Blather

Midwife's appointment today. I'm going to talk to her about the possibility of doing a water birth. I've heard great things about them, and anything that would help make birth less traumatic (for me and for Little Bug, haha) sounds very appealing. My only concern is that I had to have a major whopping episiotomy with Bug, and while everything I've read suggests that water birth reduces the need for episiotomies, I'm not so sure that would be the case for me. I'm tiny, um, down there. Oh well, that's why we discuss such matters with our physicians!

On to less personal matters ...

Although I discovered this weekend that there is considerably more Irish in my family history than I ever realized (my great-grandfather, whom we always thought was exclusively English in heritage, was apparently 3/4 Irish, and only 1/4 English), I am NOT planning on wearing orange or green today, making any food remotely Irish-stereotype-related, or drinking beer (that last would be a bit of a given, seeing as how I am almost seven months pregnant) (although I don't drink beer even when not pregnant, because the very smell of it makes me nauseous). After spending four St Patrick's Days in Scranton, the nation's home of overblown St Patrick's celebrations, I prefer to ignore the holiday. Besides, the one time in my life I decided to do something for it turned out rather badly.

It was the spring before my marriage. Carl was home on spring break, and a bunch of my friends were back from their colleges. We got together on March 16 and decided to dye our hair green with Kool-Aid before going skiing the next day.

Note to all blondes--Kool-Aid dye does NOT come out of your hair easily. It was a month before all the green finally washed out and I no longer looked like I'd been swimming in a heavily chlorinated pool. Most of the others had decided to only do streaks in their hair, but since my hair was fairly short, they decided to do my whole head.

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

It seemed like a good idea at the time. At least it makes a good story now! If my hairdresser (I have a hair appointment aftr the midwife) suggests a green streak for the holiday, I know what my answer will be!

I am hoping to do some studying in the book of Ruth this afternoon, and also take Bug for a walk, so hopefully tomorrow I will have more substance for a post. Hopefully!

My Lovely Birthday

This weekend was, quite simply, lovely. Carl went out of his way to make sure I had no frustrations or annoyances, and that everything was as I would want it. So, he made waffles for my birthday breakfast on Saturday, and then he and Bug dropped me off at the library while they got groceries, and then we went for a sunshiny drive hunting pussy willows. The only open ones we found were at a gas station, and I didn't feel particularly inclined to hop out of the car with my nippers and trim off a few branches with all the customers watching, but we decided to look again in a week or two when more would be open.

Then we came back home, and Carl and Bug napped while I read on the sun porch, then Carl did dishes (O Blessed Man), and then the pastor from the E-Free church we'd been considering attending visited, and ended up staying for three hours! It was a wonderfully encouraging and edifying conversation, and when he left we were quite certain we'd be happy at the church.

Carl made supper, then we had the cheesecake I'd made the day before for dessert (with blackberry sauce on top--SO good), and then we just relaxed and talked the rest of the night. Simple but lovely.

Sunday we visited the E-Free church, and enjoyed it just as much as we had anticipated, and found the sermon particularly edifying, something that rarely happens to us anymore (sad but true--usually we have to pick apart a sermon just to drag edification out of it). Then home again, where old friends visited for lunch (chicken and rice in the crock pot--delicious and easy) and stayed until almost suppertime, when they had to leave. We talked about everything under the sun, ranging from casual conversation about their new apartment to discussing the New Perspective on Paul, and gender roles in the church. They also helped us polish off a bit more of the cheesecake!

As usual on Sunday evening, I called Dad and we talked for a long time, just about this and that, and then Carl and I talked a bit more, and then to bed.

Nothing spectacular happened, nothing to make a person sit up and say "Wow," but overall, it was one of the nicest birthday weekends I've had in a long time. And goodness me, can I really be twenty-seven already? Where did the last seven years go?

Letting Frustration Go

Went to bed feeling lousy last night, and woke up feeling lousier this morning. Part of it is physical (I'm cold and achy and exhausted, so I think I might be coming down with a spring cold), but part of it, I know, comes from going to bed in a bad mood. That bit in the Scripture about not letting the sun go down on your anger--completely practical, as it turns out. If I'd taken the time and energy to pray before falling asleep last night, asking God to change my attitude and give me joy, instead of fuming over my frustrations, I most likely would not have woken up still fuming.

We interrupt this post to inform you that Bug has now learned how to open cabinet doors and pull out household cleaners. We recommend that Carl install safety latches IMMEDIATELY upon arrival home this afternoon.

Thankfully, my sister saw my facebook status this morning ("Louise feels lousy") and called to cheer me up. Well, that and she was procrastinating studying. After talking to her for a little while, I realized even physically I was starting to feel better, well enough to clean my bathroom and wash dishes, two things I wanted to get done before the weekend. And emotionally I'm doing better, too. I aired some of my frustrations, she laughed and sympathized, and I eventually realized that life is not so vile after all.

My tendency, when I'm upset, is to pull in, close down, shut others out. Part of that is because I know I'm not as logical when I'm upset and I don't want to make unfair accusations against, say, my husband. But it's mostly a self-defense mechanism. And while it does protect me, it also prevents me from dealing with problems when they come up. Instead I let them fester. So I'm thankful I have a sister who forces me to vent when I need to, and I am going to try my hardest to at least give my problems over to God when they arise, instead of hugging them jealously to myself and wanting to cherish them for a while before letting go.

After all, God has big shoulders. He can handle my rants. They're nothing he hasn't heard before!

Our Holy God

I had another typical blathering post almost all typed up here (mostly due to lack of sleep last night due to the discovery that Bug Will Not put herself back to sleep once she wakes up. I figured this out about quarter to five this morning, when I finally went in and tucked her back in), and then a wonderful thing happened, which caused me to delete the post.

I listened to a song.

O Praise Him, by the David Crowder Band, to be specific. (Side note--Pandora Radio is definitely my friend.) I stopped typing and turned up the volume, and just sat and worshiped the King. The words were simple, but they still cause me to stop and think. "O Praise Him--He is Holy." *

Six words. So basic. And yet, so potentially life-changing, if one dwells on them.

God is holy. He is righteous; he is perfect; he is everything. By his very presence, but the fact of his existence, he demands praise. The only proper response to our holy God is praise. People may gain praise for their deeds, for their actions or words. Certainly God deserves praise in those respects as well, but ultimately, even if he did nothing, if he never acted in any way toward human beings, he would still deserve praise. Because he is God: that is enough.

And yet--simply because he loves us, he does act toward us. He created us to be complete in him, and when we sinned and went our own way, he provided a way for us to return: Jesus Christ. He does treat us as our sins deserve, and his gravious and patient, he holds the world in his hand, he takes our hardened, filthy hearts and replaces them with hearts soft toward him. He is the wonderful God, and there are not enough words in the English language or any other to adequately describe his attributes.

O Praise Him. He is holy indeed.

*I know there are more lyrics to the song than the ones I quoted, but those are the ones that had the most impact on me.

Mushy Mind and Thankfulness

So, I was hoping to write that intellectually stimulating post this morning, but unfortunately, my brain is tired and not coming up with any stimulation. Plus, Bug is trying to help me type, which is more than slightly distracting.

Do you, my readers, have any requests for topics? If someone provides me with a topic, I can usually expound upon it. It's just coming up with one on my own that's evading me right now.

So, in lieu of actually discussing anything, I'll jot down a few things for which I am grateful, and leave the thought-provoking post for later.

• God's sovereignty. I don't know how one could survive without the firm belief that God rules all things great and small, in heaven and on earth, in one's personal life and in the world at large.
• Two nights in a row of Bug sleeping straight through. Someone's prayers are most efficacious!
• The invented casserole I made out of leftovers for last night's supper coming out quite tasty. That doesn't always happen!
• Music to lift my thoughts God-ward instead of man-ward.
• Carl working things out with the chiropractor so Bug and I (and Little Bug when she comes) can start going again. We haven't been since moving, and while it doesn't affect me terribly, Bug is always much happier and healthier when she's properly adjusted.
• The almost-completion of Jen's son's quilt. He might actually get it by his first birthday (in two weeks).
• Warmer days, even if they are bringing rain. It's better than snow!
• My birthday coming up at the end of this week. It may be childish, but my birthday always makes me happy. (Well, except for when I turned seventeen. Then I was so sad to be leaving sixteen that I cried. Other than that, though, birthdays have always been fun.)
• Toothy smiles from Bug. Five teeth and counting!
• Beautiful Scripture passages, to both inspire and exhort.
• Grace and peace from God the Father, through Jesus Christ the Son.
  

Morning Thoughts

Well, someone must be praying for us ... Bug slept right through the night last night and only woke up a little before 7:00 this morning! Which meant, in turn, that I slept much better. Which is good, because I spent all day yesterday baking and sewing, and I need to start some major cleaning today. My floors haven't been swept in over a week. Now that's disgusting.

I'm hoping to get some studying done this week (after cleaning. And finishing sewing projects). Carl got me The History of Wales as part of my birthday present (he's spreading my presents out over a week's spam--I love it), and I would love to get started reading that. First, though, I need to finish A Lifelong Passion, and I really ought to finish Knowing God at some point, and I need to continue my study of Ruth ... I have too many interests.

Thankfully, I am feeling mentally stimulated thanks to an interesting facebook conversation between my cousin, my friend, and me regarding vaccinations. Carl and I take a ... shall we say ... non-traditional stance on vaccinating our children, and these other two people are some of the few I know ho don't gasp in horror at our opinions. So we've been having a lively chat going on, and it's been wonderful. Being a stay-at-home mother, I don't get many chances for conversations in general, and when I do, they are usually with other mothers, about our children. It's rare to have the opportunity to have a really intellectually stimulating talk with someone these days, and I miss that. No wonder my brain feels stagnant so often!

Of course, I could always start posting more intellectually challenging blog posts, instead of always talking about my daughter and my pregnancy ... maybe I perpetuate this whole "mothers only have lives as mothers" mentality more than I want to admit ...

Learning

I was planning on going to bed at 9:00 last night, due to Bug, Little Bug, and Daylight Savings preventing me from getting any more than 2 hours of sleep the night before. Then Carl and I started talking about what he was studying (Matthew 24, a nice easy chapter), and then we discussed the importance of studying the Old Testament as well as the New (and preaching on it!), then we started sharing various passages from the OT that we found rich in both content and language, then we got talking about Job, and then ...

It was not an early night. But it was a good night.

I'd been praying lately about being a better listener to Carl when he wants to talk about his studies. Usually I let my eyes glaze over and zone out, nodding automatically without really listening. Recently I decided that that was not really being as supportive of his goals as I could be. True, he usually goes into more detail than I want to hear, and he usually picks the time when I'm just settling into a good book of my own or (horrors!) in the middle of watching Bones to start talking, but if I can't sacrifice my own interests to my husband's once in a while, I'm not really being very loving.

So I was glad to see that decision pay off last night, when letting him talk about his studies resulted in both of us feeling refreshed and encouraged.

This marriage thing--it's taking a while, but I'm starting to figure out the basics. Give it another twenty years or so, and I might be really catching on. I'm a slow learner, but at least I do learn!

In other news, does anyone have any advice on how to get Bug to stop waking up around 2:00 every morning and babbling loudly to herself (and playing) in her crib for two hours? She doesn't do it every night, just most, and it doesn't have any relation to how short or long she's napped during the day. She keeps waking me up, and I'm afraid if she keeps it up we will not be able to put her and Little Bug in the same room, and that will be difficult, to say the least. Help, please!

Just Some Happy Thoughts (for a change)

Despite bizarre dreams last night (why do I keep dreaming I'm falling in love with old friends who are practically brothers? Just ... ick) and a grey sky this morning, I feel so much better than I did yesterday. I'm actually motivated enough to cut out the blocks for Little Bug's quilt, and maybe even get some diaper covers cut out. I can't decide, though ... my babies are born small and gain weight quickly. Small as in under 7 pounds. So do I make the newborn size for diapers or the small? The small will be too big for the first month, but she'll outgrow the newborn size after that. Maybe I should do a dozen in the newborn size and the rest in small.

I didn't have this problem with Bug--none of the diaper covers I made worked; she leaked through them all, so we used disposable until I did some research and bought pocket diapers, which we've used ever since (and love, I might add). I would like to avoid disposables as much as possible with Little Bug, though.

Some of our training with Bug looks like it's finally paying off, amazingly enough. She's been throwing a fit over eating lately. She doesn't want to sit in the high chair, and she doesn't like ANY food except crackers and raisins. However, mostly through her papa's hard work, backed up by me (full credit to Carl, though), she's realizing that she needs to eat the food we give her, and eat it in the high chair, not while she's crawling around on the floor. And the temper tantrums are getting less, praise God! I love my child, but she does have a temper. Can't imagine where she got that from ...

And to end this happy day post, more of my gratitude list. I stopped writing down numbers for these, simply because I don't want to turn it into a number game--ooh, I'm up to 200, I must be really spiritual! Or conversely, I only have 200, and this person is already up to 600, she must be soo much more spiritual than I. No, the amount doesn't matter, merely the heart direction.

• Happy Bug sounds behind me while she reads her stories
• Medical ordeal much less traumatic than I was expecting
• Robin Mark station on Pandora radio, helping me turn my thoughts to praise
• Agreeable husband, willing to have a thrown-together supper last night
• Study through the book of Ruth (finally getting past the commentary introduction!)
• Agatha Christie books (go ahead, laugh; it's true)
• Beauty found even in grey skies
• Seeing Bug come so very close to walking!
• Lovely colors coming together to make a quilt for new little one
• Energy in the midst of pregnancy
• Rain heralding spring--sound the trumpets!
• Weaving together story plot, being willing to take my time and enjoy the process
• Hot tea and homemade toast for breakfast
• A gracious and kind Father, never letting me go.
  

Who Couldn't Love This Face?

My brain is running on empty today (I think I'm coming down with something--nothing sits well on my stomach and I'm achy all over--not just the arm where they drew blood), so instead of a wonderfully thought-provoking post, I'll leave you with the old adage:

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words:

Papa helping Bug put her shoes on


Getting ready for a winter walk (take note of the nice knitted leg warmers from Oma)


Enjoying the fresh air and sunshine


Pure mischief!

Update

I survived! The midwife this time mentioned nothing about the pap (and naturally I didn't bring it up if she didn't think it necessary), and the doctor who did the bloodwork was very kind, had me sit in a reclined seat, laughed at my lame jokes, and brought me a cup of water when I was done and told me not to move until I felt I was ready. So no passing out or throwing up this time! Although if I'd tried to stand any sooner than I did I would have fainted, I'm sure, my head was spinning that much.

So, as usual, the anticipation was worse than the actual event, and now it's over and done with and no more bloodwork, at least, this pregnancy. As for the pap, if they suddenly decide I need one, then I'll do it, but for now I'm off the hook.

Thank you all for your encouragement and not making me feel like a big fat baby for moaning and whining about it!

(Oh, and we found fabric for Little Bug's quilt--I think it's going to be adorable!)

If You Have A Weak Stomach, Skip This Post

I am praying that I will not be a nervous wreck this afternoon. I hate getting blood drawn, and pap smears are not even a full step behind. Today, I get both. I did have a faint hope that waiting so long to see a physician would mean that I could skip the pap, at least, but no such luck. And yes, I know it's important for health purposes, and the bloodwork is important for the baby's health, but that doesn't make me dislike them any less. Besides, when I had my blood taken when I was pregnant with Bug, they took nine vials, and I almost passed out, then I threw up (the darn nurse tried to make me sit up before I was ready, and then she got queasy when I threw up and left, leaving Carl to clean up after me), and then I was sick for the rest of the day. Wouldn't you dread getting your blood drawn if that was your last experience?

However, providing I am not as sick this time as I was last time, we are going to the fabric store after the appointment so I can get fabric for Little Bug's quilt. So I am trying to think about that, not the unpleasantness that must occur first. My sister helped me figure out the colors--dusty purple, sage green, and silver. Won't that be elegant? I wasnted something not completely "baby-ish" but still soft and sweet, and it had to work with the Classic Pooh theme we already have in the nursery. We picked a very simple block pattern so I won't have to spend as much time putting the top together, and I might actually be able to hand quilt it. I might end up doing it by machine, though--we'll see how ambitious I feel!

See, just talking about the quilt makes me feel better--I'll focus on it all through the appointment today :)

And now I have to go--my child seems to need some discipline. She has started throwing a hysterical temper tantrum whenever she doesn't get her own way. Gotta nip that in the bud!

(By the way, the outlining is coming along nicely. And it's great fun. Maybe I should think about that when the vampires are sucking my blood, as well as the quilt.)

Inspiration--at last, at long last!

Yesterday I started reading Sometimes the Magic Works, by Terry Brooks. Last night I finished it. It was excellent. I was excited when I found it in the library because I'd been wanting to read it for a while; now I'm kicking myself for not just buying it when it first came out.

Without going into everything about this book that inspired me (that would pretty much be me telling you all the entire book), suffice to say that I have a revitalized approach to my writing; in fact, last night I started sketching out place descriptions for my Tesni story, to be followed by character sketches, plot outline, and hopefully even a chapter-by-chapter outline. Not that I expect to follow this exactly, but I was quite convicted (can I use that word for non-spiritual matters?) by his emphasis on putting in a considerable amount of work before you start writing the story, in order to make the story A) easier to write, and B) a better, more fully-developed story. I know most people's biggest complaint about my romance story was its sparseness, and while I think a starker approach worked for that particular story, I don't want to fall prey to that dilemma in all my writings.

I love being inspired. Sewing diaper covers can wait, even my dread of bloodwork tomorrow has faded. Farewell all, I'm off to write.

Mostly Spiritual Musings

So Bug decided to sleep in late today instead of yesterday ... 8:40, and she's not awake yet! I'm not complaining, mind. I enjoy the chance to eat and catch up on my blogging before she's up and demanding attention NOW.

Carl thinks he might have found our new church home yesterday. I'm slightly sad that I missed the chance to go with him, but excited that we may actually have a church here. I've really been feeling the lack of fellowship lately--hormones are starting to drag at me again, and loneliness is creeping in. Usually my online friendships manage to keep those feelings at bay somewhat, but the online community seems a bit slow these days. Or maybe I'm just slow! Either way, it'll be nice to get the chance to make some real-life friends.

I did discover, through my link to Christway Media here on this blog (which I need to update, come to think of it), that Christway has closed and been superseded by The Gospel Coalition, which has mounds of audio sermons online. I started listening to one yesterday, although I didn't get to finish it, and I'm thinking I could really benefit from listening to some of these sermons on a regular basis. It seems obvious when I write it down like this, but honestly, I never used to get anything from listening to a sermon instead of being there in person. I think I've grown and changed enough, though (hopefully matured), that now it could do me some good and provide me with edification and exhortation. It would at least be better than turning on Rachael Ray in the afternoons just because I need some background noise and filler!

In other news, I shuld have known poking my nose back into Russian history would be dangerous. Now, even though I just started a promising little fantasy, I'm all fired up to go ahead and start that Russian-inspired fantasy I've been thinking of for a while. What to do, what to do? Reading the letters and diary entries of the monarchs and their friends from back then has affected me in other ways, too--last night I dreamed I was reading more diary entries, and that the eldest daughter of Nicholas and Alexandra, Grand Duchess Olga, had written how she and her sisters had learned to dance to a new jazz routine, which they and the family enjoyed very much but which shocked her great-grandmother, Queen Victoria! And yes, I know that both Victoria and Olga were dead by the time jazz became popular, but really, it was such an odd thing to dream that I had to share it. My pregnant subconscious ...

Quickly, before I end, I want to jot down some thing for which I'm grateful. Mainly because I'm dreading this upcoming week, and I want to turn my thoughts to higher matters. So:

• Finding online sermons
• Carl (possibly) finding us a new church
• Being able to introduce Erin to our old church and get her connected with our small group
• Bug being happy for a good portion of the day yesterday
• Two more teeth poking through--that makes six altogether, and two more working up on the bottom!
• Finding a delicious new bread recipe, the best I've ever made
• Planning Little Bug's quilt with Lis's help, and getting the fabric this week
• Having Carl around for two days
• A lovely drive in the sunshine Saturday
• Good books (I think this entry pops up almost every time I write a gratitude list)
• The start of March--spring (and my birthday) is coming!
• Family, always, always, always.

Check out Holy Experience's blog for more gratitude lists!

Weekend Reflections

Carl and I were all set to visit a new church this morning, but it's looking like Bug and I will be staying home, seeing as how she woke up early, which means naptime will come early, which means she'll be sleeping when it's time to leave for church. I am disappointed, but Carl reminded me that there's a good chance this church will be all fluff, in which case I'll be better off missing it. And if it's good, there's always next week!

I had to stop knitting Little Bug's blanket, since my unfamiliarity with yarn led me to think that 5 balls of 70 yards each would be enough. Turns out, it wouldn't be enough for even half, which means that a simple knitted blanket would end up costing us somewhere between $75. and $100. NOT HAPPENING.

So I called my sister yesterday and we spent a happy hour planning a baby quilt which would be fairly simple and look lovely. We picked a simple pattern with lots of room for creativity--I'll post pictures when it's complete (which may take a while, seeing as how we don't even have the fabric yet).

Other than that, it's been a fairly uneventful weekend. I did try a new soup recipe last night which turned out delicious! Now I have to make more bread today, but I'm holding off until my sister sends me her latest recipe. Sharing, in all things, is caring, in my family at least.

Happy Sunday, Happy March! (only two weeks until my birthday--start the celebrations now!)