Turns out the hemorrhoids are only a minor problem. I also have a mild yeast infection which is causing most of the discomfort. Doggone issues with the same symptoms! I'm actually rather relieved--the yeast infection is easily cleared up with two pills, which is way better than suffering through tortured itchiness for three weeks. The midwife did recommend eating yogurt to help prevent it from coming back, which is difficult for me since I cannot make myself like yogurt (and I've tried--oh, how I've tried), but as I told her, I can gag it down if necessary.
Since I'm already sharing way too much personal information, I also have to pass on that when she was doing my pap yesterday, she informed me that I had the "cutest little cervix." Now there's something you don't hear every day! (Probably a good thing, come to think of it ...)
Anyway, I'm healthy (except for the aforementioned yeast infection), Little Bug is healthy, everything is good. Her heartbeat was a bit elevated yesterday, but as we had just finished the pap and the midwife had been pressing on my womb to check position, that wasn't too surprising. I seem to have yet another child who is not afraid to make her opinion known--and yesterday, her opinion was that people should stop messing around and LEAVE HER IN PEACE.
In other news, last night was the first time in about two weeks that we haven't had to fight with Bug to get her to eat supper. Fish and green beans--not only did she eat her portion, she wanted more afterward so Carl and I gave her some off our plates. Considering that a month ago she wouldn't even look at green beans, I'm encouraged! Also considering that we've had to fight with her over every single meal lately ...
She threw a temper tantrum over breakfast again today, but at least she took one step in the right direction.
The potty-encouraging has taken a step back--she's started screaming every time I put her on the potty, unless I sit directly in front of her and read to her, and then she screams when I take her off and put her diaper on her. Oh well. One step forward, two steps back--isn't that how potty-training works? At least we haven't been too serious about it. This way I can just shrug my shoulders and decide to put off real training a bit longer.
And that's pretty much all the Bug and Little Bug related information I have today!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The End IS in Sight
It's quarter to six in the morning, and I've been up for an hour. Sigh. I really, really can't wait until this baby is out! (Carl just came down to get ready for work, and I had to quickly reassure him that I'm not in labor, just sleepless!)
The biggest problem right now is one that has plagued me through this entire pregnancy, though some vague idea of impropriety has prevented me from mentioning it before now: hemorrhoids. I've been doing my best to deal with them naturally; with wet wipes instead of toilet paper, making sure my underwear isn't too tight, drinking lots and lots of water so I don't get constipated (that part, at least, has worked), sprinkling cornstarch on to soothe ... nothing really seems to have helped. I keep thinking I should talk to the midwife about it, but the only other solution is medication, and I'd rather avoid that if at all possible, so I don't really see what the point is in discussing it.
This morning, however, the itching got bad enough that I couldn't sleep, so I slipped an ice pack into my underwear. Which helped the itch, but also kept me awake, so finally I just got up. At least this prepares me for having the baby in another way--I remember the plethora of ice packs I went through after Bug was born!
Sometimes I feel like all I do is complain about this pregnancy. Being pregnant is no picnic for me, that's certain, but my main point in all this is simply to say: I am so ready to be done that even the thought of labor isn't so bad!
So that's a good thing. A very good thing, actually.
(Carl looked at me yesterday, shook his head, and told me not to stand in profile. Labor's no fun for him, either (it involves bruising, yelling, and the helpless feeling of watching someone else suffer and not being able to help), but even he's ready to be done. Come any time, Little Bug--Mamma and Papa and ready to meet you!)
ETA: (Which always looks like Estimated Time of Arrival to me, not Edited To Add) I should have tried the ice pack months ago. Seriously, the best relief from hemorrhoids ever. True, I can't wear pants, my underwear gets soaked, and I have to sit with a towel beneath me, but those are minor details compared to the sweet relief of NO ITCHING. I know what I'll be doing for the next 3 1/2 weeks!
The biggest problem right now is one that has plagued me through this entire pregnancy, though some vague idea of impropriety has prevented me from mentioning it before now: hemorrhoids. I've been doing my best to deal with them naturally; with wet wipes instead of toilet paper, making sure my underwear isn't too tight, drinking lots and lots of water so I don't get constipated (that part, at least, has worked), sprinkling cornstarch on to soothe ... nothing really seems to have helped. I keep thinking I should talk to the midwife about it, but the only other solution is medication, and I'd rather avoid that if at all possible, so I don't really see what the point is in discussing it.
This morning, however, the itching got bad enough that I couldn't sleep, so I slipped an ice pack into my underwear. Which helped the itch, but also kept me awake, so finally I just got up. At least this prepares me for having the baby in another way--I remember the plethora of ice packs I went through after Bug was born!
Sometimes I feel like all I do is complain about this pregnancy. Being pregnant is no picnic for me, that's certain, but my main point in all this is simply to say: I am so ready to be done that even the thought of labor isn't so bad!
So that's a good thing. A very good thing, actually.
(Carl looked at me yesterday, shook his head, and told me not to stand in profile. Labor's no fun for him, either (it involves bruising, yelling, and the helpless feeling of watching someone else suffer and not being able to help), but even he's ready to be done. Come any time, Little Bug--Mamma and Papa and ready to meet you!)
ETA: (Which always looks like Estimated Time of Arrival to me, not Edited To Add) I should have tried the ice pack months ago. Seriously, the best relief from hemorrhoids ever. True, I can't wear pants, my underwear gets soaked, and I have to sit with a towel beneath me, but those are minor details compared to the sweet relief of NO ITCHING. I know what I'll be doing for the next 3 1/2 weeks!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Writing and Relaxation
I got four pages of my pregnancy scrapbook done yesterday. I am rather pleased about this! That's one more thing I can check off my "to-do" list before Little Bug comes: "Start pregnancy scrapbook." Now, as long as Mom gets those diaper covers back to me soon, I'll be in really good shape! We're setting up the bassinet this weekend--rearranging the study/craft room to make room for it. Which also involves re-organization of books, always a fun thing. Of course, my books are all overflowing from their selves, so organization is always a bit tricky.
It is so wonderful having Carl done with the PE. Everything else that we have to do before the baby comes just seems so simple now. Most of my worries have drifted away. (Note to self: Don't get so relaxed that you forget to buy garden hose and fishnet for waterbirth.) Even having my MS returned from another publisher doesn't really bother me--I wasn't expecting this publishing house to take it anyway. Check another one off the list, on the the next!
Interestingly enough, the very act of receiving that rejection letter spurred me to work on my Tesni story. I wonder why that is? You'd think that it would work in the opposite way--I'd get so discouraged I wouldn't want to write. Must be my stubborn, contrary streak that says: "You didn't like this story? Well, I'll just write a better one, and THEN you'll be sorry you didn't snag me as an author when you had the chance!"
So now my outlining is done and I'm moving on to character sketches. When I'm not scrapbooking. Or washing dishes and laundry. Or encouraging Bug to sit on the potty. Or having to rest with my feet up because this heat wave has swollen me up like a balloon. Or ...
Well. I'll get to those sketches sometime. Maybe after my next rejection letter.
It is so wonderful having Carl done with the PE. Everything else that we have to do before the baby comes just seems so simple now. Most of my worries have drifted away. (Note to self: Don't get so relaxed that you forget to buy garden hose and fishnet for waterbirth.) Even having my MS returned from another publisher doesn't really bother me--I wasn't expecting this publishing house to take it anyway. Check another one off the list, on the the next!
Interestingly enough, the very act of receiving that rejection letter spurred me to work on my Tesni story. I wonder why that is? You'd think that it would work in the opposite way--I'd get so discouraged I wouldn't want to write. Must be my stubborn, contrary streak that says: "You didn't like this story? Well, I'll just write a better one, and THEN you'll be sorry you didn't snag me as an author when you had the chance!"
So now my outlining is done and I'm moving on to character sketches. When I'm not scrapbooking. Or washing dishes and laundry. Or encouraging Bug to sit on the potty. Or having to rest with my feet up because this heat wave has swollen me up like a balloon. Or ...
Well. I'll get to those sketches sometime. Maybe after my next rejection letter.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Because of the Lord's great love
First of all, many, many thanks for all the wonderful suggestions for fantasy books. I have a nice long list to take to the library now :) And thanks to Andrea, I've now discovered abebooks, which could be a good thing for me and a bad thing for my wallet. We'll see how much self-control I can show.
Secondly, now I'm curious as to what types of books you all love to read--I'm not looking for a specific genre, just some recommendations of books that have become old friends (or new friends) to you. My reading interests do run beyond just fantasy! I probably have more books by Agatha Christie than any other author, with Brian Jacques and LM Montgomery coming second and third, respectively. (I would love to say Dorothy Sayers tops that list, but she simply did not write enough books!)
Thirdly, please do leave a comment on my post just previous to this one, if you wish. I would really love to hear how God has shown you his faithfulness in the past week, month, or any span of time, really.
And in that spirit of sharing, let me say that this weekend was one of the nicest we have had in years. Carl got back on Friday night, exhausted, exhilarated, and uplifted. The test went amazingly well, better than he had let himself hope, and the trip overall was filled with evidences of God's hand. For example--though Carl did not sleep at all well Thursday night, he had plenty of energy and a clear mind on Friday, something that does not often happen on little sleep. So many little things and larger things came together, and Carl came home worshiping God.
We spent Saturday morning being lazy. Carl loved being able to just get down and play with Bug without feeling guilty about needing to study.. We both kept saying over and over, "I can't believe the test is over." He has been working toward taking this test ever since he graduated, and now that it is done, our next big goal is seminary! Saturday afternoon we went down to the river and walked (leisurely sauntered, really, seeing as how Little Bug gets extremely upset if I move faster than a snail's pace, plus it was HOT so my feet and hands were already extremely swollen), did a bit of grocery shopping, and came home so I could finish preparing a nice dinner (ham, hash brown casserole, biscuits, green peas, and lemon bars for dessert). We ate, Carl put Bug to bed, and then we relaxed and talked--feels like we haven't had a chance to simply talk with each other in months.
Sunday morning, in the process of putting screens in the windows, Carl paused and said: "Yesterday was the best day I've had in ages--and today is already better." And it continued to get better--good service at church, nice fellowship at the lunch/congregational meeting afterward, the ladies telling me they want to have a baby shower in a couple of weeks, Carl studying logic in the afternoon while I (finally!) finished up the outline for my Tesni story (only character sketches left now), Carl and Bug going grocery shopping later so I could just relax, and leftovers for supper. At 9:00 Carl came downstairs to tell me he only had five verses left to study in Matthew before being completely done with that book--a huge accomplishment.
So many little things, nothing truly spectacular, but everything adding up to show, simply, God's faithful hand in our lives. He is truly good.
Secondly, now I'm curious as to what types of books you all love to read--I'm not looking for a specific genre, just some recommendations of books that have become old friends (or new friends) to you. My reading interests do run beyond just fantasy! I probably have more books by Agatha Christie than any other author, with Brian Jacques and LM Montgomery coming second and third, respectively. (I would love to say Dorothy Sayers tops that list, but she simply did not write enough books!)
Thirdly, please do leave a comment on my post just previous to this one, if you wish. I would really love to hear how God has shown you his faithfulness in the past week, month, or any span of time, really.
And in that spirit of sharing, let me say that this weekend was one of the nicest we have had in years. Carl got back on Friday night, exhausted, exhilarated, and uplifted. The test went amazingly well, better than he had let himself hope, and the trip overall was filled with evidences of God's hand. For example--though Carl did not sleep at all well Thursday night, he had plenty of energy and a clear mind on Friday, something that does not often happen on little sleep. So many little things and larger things came together, and Carl came home worshiping God.
We spent Saturday morning being lazy. Carl loved being able to just get down and play with Bug without feeling guilty about needing to study.. We both kept saying over and over, "I can't believe the test is over." He has been working toward taking this test ever since he graduated, and now that it is done, our next big goal is seminary! Saturday afternoon we went down to the river and walked (leisurely sauntered, really, seeing as how Little Bug gets extremely upset if I move faster than a snail's pace, plus it was HOT so my feet and hands were already extremely swollen), did a bit of grocery shopping, and came home so I could finish preparing a nice dinner (ham, hash brown casserole, biscuits, green peas, and lemon bars for dessert). We ate, Carl put Bug to bed, and then we relaxed and talked--feels like we haven't had a chance to simply talk with each other in months.
Sunday morning, in the process of putting screens in the windows, Carl paused and said: "Yesterday was the best day I've had in ages--and today is already better." And it continued to get better--good service at church, nice fellowship at the lunch/congregational meeting afterward, the ladies telling me they want to have a baby shower in a couple of weeks, Carl studying logic in the afternoon while I (finally!) finished up the outline for my Tesni story (only character sketches left now), Carl and Bug going grocery shopping later so I could just relax, and leftovers for supper. At 9:00 Carl came downstairs to tell me he only had five verses left to study in Matthew before being completely done with that book--a huge accomplishment.
So many little things, nothing truly spectacular, but everything adding up to show, simply, God's faithful hand in our lives. He is truly good.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Great is His Faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.
Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
How has the Lord showed his faithfulness to you this week?
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
Lamentations 3:22-24
Friday, April 24, 2009
Almost There ...
We made it through last night. Bug was pretty darn cranky this morning (I read her TWO stories last night, AND sang to her, AND went back upstairs once to re-tuck her in and remind her that I loved her, but I was still no substitute for Papa putting her to bed. Which I guess is sweet, come to think of it), but she seems happier now that I've agreed that yes, crackers can be breakfast foods.
After all, I added a couple of peanut-butter cookies to my breakfast.
A friend is coming over for tea this afternoon, and Carl should be home sometime between 8-9. Bug will have to endure Mamma putting her down again, but other than that, I think we're going to be just fine. I'm not looking forward to the stretch between 4:00, when Carl usually gets home, and whenever he actually will get back, but thanks to a timely Amazon order, I have some new books to keep me company. I'm looking forward to exploring the poetry of the "Four Ancient Books of Wales," and Stephen Lawhead's Dragon King trilogy has intrigued me for a while, so I'm happy with the first book of that.
Speaking of books ... anyone have any good fantasy recommendations? All my favorite authors are either dead or just not producing new books fast enough for me. I've tried some authors which have been BIG mistakes, so now I'm nervous about reading anything without a recommendation first. To give you an idea of what style I prefer, my shelves are full of CS Lewis (obviously), JRR Tolkein (also obvious), Stephen Lawhead, Lloyd Alexander, Edward Eager and E. Nesbit (they didn't write the same books, but I can't think of one without the other), Michael A Stackpole (you have to be familiar enough with his writing to know which parts to skip, but I like his overall style), Terry Brooks, Susan Cooper, Patricia Briggs ... I can't think of any more fantasy writers without actually going upstairs to look.
I tried Terry Pratchett and didn't care much for his style. I tried Juliet Marillier, and liked her style but found the darker themes in her books a little oppressive--not to mention she goes into more details about ... um ... certain things than I really want to read. I tried Terry Goodkind (what is with fantasy authors named Terry, anyway?) and really didn't like his use of unnecessary details. Let's face it, I know there are things like rape and child abuse and the like out there, but I don't want to read about it, okay? Oh, and I also tried Robert Jordan and quite after realizing every one of his books is EXACTLY the same as every other one.
So, any recommendations would be greatly appreciated! In the meantime, I need to bathe my child, sweep my floors, make applesauce scones, start thawing a ham for tomorrow's dinner, and otherwise prepare for the weekend--the lovely, glorious weekend that marks the end of my husband's bondage to PE studying!
After all, I added a couple of peanut-butter cookies to my breakfast.
A friend is coming over for tea this afternoon, and Carl should be home sometime between 8-9. Bug will have to endure Mamma putting her down again, but other than that, I think we're going to be just fine. I'm not looking forward to the stretch between 4:00, when Carl usually gets home, and whenever he actually will get back, but thanks to a timely Amazon order, I have some new books to keep me company. I'm looking forward to exploring the poetry of the "Four Ancient Books of Wales," and Stephen Lawhead's Dragon King trilogy has intrigued me for a while, so I'm happy with the first book of that.
Speaking of books ... anyone have any good fantasy recommendations? All my favorite authors are either dead or just not producing new books fast enough for me. I've tried some authors which have been BIG mistakes, so now I'm nervous about reading anything without a recommendation first. To give you an idea of what style I prefer, my shelves are full of CS Lewis (obviously), JRR Tolkein (also obvious), Stephen Lawhead, Lloyd Alexander, Edward Eager and E. Nesbit (they didn't write the same books, but I can't think of one without the other), Michael A Stackpole (you have to be familiar enough with his writing to know which parts to skip, but I like his overall style), Terry Brooks, Susan Cooper, Patricia Briggs ... I can't think of any more fantasy writers without actually going upstairs to look.
I tried Terry Pratchett and didn't care much for his style. I tried Juliet Marillier, and liked her style but found the darker themes in her books a little oppressive--not to mention she goes into more details about ... um ... certain things than I really want to read. I tried Terry Goodkind (what is with fantasy authors named Terry, anyway?) and really didn't like his use of unnecessary details. Let's face it, I know there are things like rape and child abuse and the like out there, but I don't want to read about it, okay? Oh, and I also tried Robert Jordan and quite after realizing every one of his books is EXACTLY the same as every other one.
So, any recommendations would be greatly appreciated! In the meantime, I need to bathe my child, sweep my floors, make applesauce scones, start thawing a ham for tomorrow's dinner, and otherwise prepare for the weekend--the lovely, glorious weekend that marks the end of my husband's bondage to PE studying!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Playground Fun
There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. ~Walt Streightiff
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Hopeful Anticipation
Carl leaves tomorrow for the PE. The test is Friday, and he'll get back Friday night. We are both so relieved to almost have this over with. He keeps saying, "I'm just going to do my best, at this point I don't even care if I pass or fail, the results are in God's hands." Which is, I think, a very good attitude to have!
Thankfully Saturday is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous--temperatures in the low 80s! I'm already planning a nice dinner for Saturday night, and we're going to do something fun during the day--a trip to the southern Adirondacks, maybe, or something beyond our typical Saturdays for the last couple of months, which have been "hurry up and get errands out of the way so Carl can study." We are ready to express some joy at this being over, whatever the results!
My personal hope is that once Carl is done with the PE and able to help out with Bug a bit more, I'll have enough energy to get back into studying Ruth, and maybe even work some more on my Tesni story. Right now I have a pretty decent outline in my head, but just thinking about putting it on paper exhausts me. As for Ruth--I was so pleased to finish Chapter One, and I haven't touched it since! Chapter Two is waiting ... waiting ... waiting.
So hopefully Carl having more free time will help me be able to devote more time to my studies! Of course, if Little Bug is anything like her sister, I'll have plenty of time for writing after she's born: sitting in the rocking chair nursing, supporting the baby with one hand while I write with the other. Not sure how well that would work with Scripture study, but I suppose I'll find out soon enough.
Tomorrow is the 23rd of April--I'm due the 23rd of May. One month, officially!
And to finish, a couple of pictures from last Friday, when Carl took a break from studying so we could have some fun in the park:
Happy Wednesday!
Thankfully Saturday is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous--temperatures in the low 80s! I'm already planning a nice dinner for Saturday night, and we're going to do something fun during the day--a trip to the southern Adirondacks, maybe, or something beyond our typical Saturdays for the last couple of months, which have been "hurry up and get errands out of the way so Carl can study." We are ready to express some joy at this being over, whatever the results!
My personal hope is that once Carl is done with the PE and able to help out with Bug a bit more, I'll have enough energy to get back into studying Ruth, and maybe even work some more on my Tesni story. Right now I have a pretty decent outline in my head, but just thinking about putting it on paper exhausts me. As for Ruth--I was so pleased to finish Chapter One, and I haven't touched it since! Chapter Two is waiting ... waiting ... waiting.
So hopefully Carl having more free time will help me be able to devote more time to my studies! Of course, if Little Bug is anything like her sister, I'll have plenty of time for writing after she's born: sitting in the rocking chair nursing, supporting the baby with one hand while I write with the other. Not sure how well that would work with Scripture study, but I suppose I'll find out soon enough.
Tomorrow is the 23rd of April--I'm due the 23rd of May. One month, officially!
And to finish, a couple of pictures from last Friday, when Carl took a break from studying so we could have some fun in the park:
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Scrapbooking Roadblock!
Yesterday I organized all my scrapbooking supplies, and picked out everything I would need for this pregnancy scrapbook. Unfortunately, the only pictures I currently have here are ultrasound pics, but I figured those would be enough to get started. So I set everything up yesterday, all excited to start today.
Then Carl reminded me this morning just before leaving for work that his mother wanted copies of the ultrasounds. So I have to wait to use those until he gets around to copying them.
Sigh. It's very frustrating to have ambition and no means!
Hopefully the prints I ordered from Shutterfly will get here soon.
And maybe I can call my sister and badger her into putting the pregnancy pics she took at Christmas onto a CD and mailing it to me.
There are days I really, really wish we had a photo printer. Most days I'd settle for a working printer at all!
Oh well. At least my scrapbooking supplies are organized now!
Then Carl reminded me this morning just before leaving for work that his mother wanted copies of the ultrasounds. So I have to wait to use those until he gets around to copying them.
Sigh. It's very frustrating to have ambition and no means!
Hopefully the prints I ordered from Shutterfly will get here soon.
And maybe I can call my sister and badger her into putting the pregnancy pics she took at Christmas onto a CD and mailing it to me.
There are days I really, really wish we had a photo printer. Most days I'd settle for a working printer at all!
Oh well. At least my scrapbooking supplies are organized now!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Potty-Encouraging, and Colic Tips
We started "potty-encouraging" this weekend. I can't officially call it potty-training, but since Bug has started to look interested in what's happening whenever I'm in the bathroom (and managed to open the door on Papa Sunday morning--time for a bathroom lock!), I brought her potty chair downstairs and have started setting her on it whenever I use the bathroom, plus before bathtime, naptime, etc. So far nothing has happened, but she's no longer screaming over sitting on the potty, and if I can even get the concept of using the potty in her head before we start "officially" training her, I'll be happy.
I was talking to Carl about the possibility of going strawberry-picking this summer with the girls. We wanted to try last year, but Bug was just coming out of her colicky stage, into her teething stage, and we were traveling like crazy to boot, so it never happened. Hopefully (please God please God please God) Little Bug will not be as colicky, so we'll be able to work it out this summer.
Which leads me to my next point ... a list of advice for dealing with parents (especially mothers, or whomever the primary caretaker is) of colicky babies. This will mostly be a list of "don'ts," but there will be a few positive suggestions, too. To begin:
Don't reassure a parent that this will all be over soon. Three months seems like an eternity when your child never stops screaming. Besides, some babies go through colic longer than three months--some last up to six. Don't tell a parent that, either.
Don't insist that whichever particular remedy you/your mother/your sister-in-law's second cousin twice removed favored must work. I always appreciated suggestions (yes yes, anything that might help!), but nothing aggravated me more than having someone suggest something, I say yes we tried that and it didn't work, and then they insisted for the next hour that yes, it really does work, it's the only thing that works, was I sure I had really tried it?
Don't always ask to hold the baby, or get offended if the mother doesn't want to give her up. There are ways you can offer, such as "would she let me hold her?" that are fine, but it was always so hard for me to just get Bug into the only position she found comfortable, and then have someone insist on taking her, hold her in a way that she hated, and then have to listen to her fuss because the other person wouldn't move her or give her back.
Do be careful how you speak to the mother about the baby's colic. I writhed many a time under comments that weren't meant to be judgemental, but came across as though the speaker was blaming me. I was already laboring under a huge load of guilt that my child was miserable all the time and I couldn't do anything about it. Unthinking comments just made it worse-I especially remember one time when my MIL was holding Bug and I needed to feed her. My MIL didn't want to give her up, because Bug had just settled into a quiet position, and in retrospect I probably wouldn't do this now, but at the time my lactation consultants had hypnotized me into believing that if I didn't feed the baby exactly every two hours she would die. So I insisted, and my MIL looked at Bug and told her "This isn't my fault." She meant it as a joke, but boy, did I feel judged.
Do always ask if there are ways you can help the mother. We spent Bug's first Thanksgiving, when she was less than a month old, at my parents. That was also the weekend that stress hives broke out all over my legs and I was an itchy, tormented mess. They insisted that I sit in the most comfortable chair, with my legs up, holding the baby, while they wrapped cold oatmeal compresses around my legs and brought me everything I needed to eat, drink, read, etc. They were helpful with Bug, too, but what I mostly remember is the pampering they gave me, which was so needed.
Do offer to share your experiences with colic, but don't try to one-up other mothers. It's always nice to know you're not alone in this situation, but you don't need to hear about how someone's else's experience was so much worse than yours could ever be. That just makes you feel like an idiot for thinking things are bad, when let's face it, there is no amount of colic that is pleasant.
Finally, DO NOT ever tell a mother that "even though it's rough, try to enjoy this time, because it only lasts a short while." This has to be one of the most ignorant things a person can say, especially if said person is a college student who has never even thought about having children ... (who me? bitter?) We know this time won't last forever, and we are counting down the days until it ends! With colic, you snatch the good memories and pray that the bad ones will be mercifully blocked out in time. ONly someone who has never lived through it would counsel a mother to "enjoy this time." You try enjoying several months of no sleep, constnt screams, guilt, frustration, and people saying ignorant things.
So there you have it, Louise's helpful list of things to keep in mind when dealing with colic. Hopefully this baby will not give me opportunities to add to the list!
I was talking to Carl about the possibility of going strawberry-picking this summer with the girls. We wanted to try last year, but Bug was just coming out of her colicky stage, into her teething stage, and we were traveling like crazy to boot, so it never happened. Hopefully (please God please God please God) Little Bug will not be as colicky, so we'll be able to work it out this summer.
Which leads me to my next point ... a list of advice for dealing with parents (especially mothers, or whomever the primary caretaker is) of colicky babies. This will mostly be a list of "don'ts," but there will be a few positive suggestions, too. To begin:
Don't reassure a parent that this will all be over soon. Three months seems like an eternity when your child never stops screaming. Besides, some babies go through colic longer than three months--some last up to six. Don't tell a parent that, either.
Don't insist that whichever particular remedy you/your mother/your sister-in-law's second cousin twice removed favored must work. I always appreciated suggestions (yes yes, anything that might help!), but nothing aggravated me more than having someone suggest something, I say yes we tried that and it didn't work, and then they insisted for the next hour that yes, it really does work, it's the only thing that works, was I sure I had really tried it?
Don't always ask to hold the baby, or get offended if the mother doesn't want to give her up. There are ways you can offer, such as "would she let me hold her?" that are fine, but it was always so hard for me to just get Bug into the only position she found comfortable, and then have someone insist on taking her, hold her in a way that she hated, and then have to listen to her fuss because the other person wouldn't move her or give her back.
Do be careful how you speak to the mother about the baby's colic. I writhed many a time under comments that weren't meant to be judgemental, but came across as though the speaker was blaming me. I was already laboring under a huge load of guilt that my child was miserable all the time and I couldn't do anything about it. Unthinking comments just made it worse-I especially remember one time when my MIL was holding Bug and I needed to feed her. My MIL didn't want to give her up, because Bug had just settled into a quiet position, and in retrospect I probably wouldn't do this now, but at the time my lactation consultants had hypnotized me into believing that if I didn't feed the baby exactly every two hours she would die. So I insisted, and my MIL looked at Bug and told her "This isn't my fault." She meant it as a joke, but boy, did I feel judged.
Do always ask if there are ways you can help the mother. We spent Bug's first Thanksgiving, when she was less than a month old, at my parents. That was also the weekend that stress hives broke out all over my legs and I was an itchy, tormented mess. They insisted that I sit in the most comfortable chair, with my legs up, holding the baby, while they wrapped cold oatmeal compresses around my legs and brought me everything I needed to eat, drink, read, etc. They were helpful with Bug, too, but what I mostly remember is the pampering they gave me, which was so needed.
Do offer to share your experiences with colic, but don't try to one-up other mothers. It's always nice to know you're not alone in this situation, but you don't need to hear about how someone's else's experience was so much worse than yours could ever be. That just makes you feel like an idiot for thinking things are bad, when let's face it, there is no amount of colic that is pleasant.
Finally, DO NOT ever tell a mother that "even though it's rough, try to enjoy this time, because it only lasts a short while." This has to be one of the most ignorant things a person can say, especially if said person is a college student who has never even thought about having children ... (who me? bitter?) We know this time won't last forever, and we are counting down the days until it ends! With colic, you snatch the good memories and pray that the bad ones will be mercifully blocked out in time. ONly someone who has never lived through it would counsel a mother to "enjoy this time." You try enjoying several months of no sleep, constnt screams, guilt, frustration, and people saying ignorant things.
So there you have it, Louise's helpful list of things to keep in mind when dealing with colic. Hopefully this baby will not give me opportunities to add to the list!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Joy in all Things
Between lack of sleep and cranky child, I need something to help fix my mind upward, not inward and downward. So: time for more of the Endless Gifts list!
- Sunshine every day this week
- A walk to the park yesterday (even if the preparation involved so much screaming that we only had five minutes to play once we got there, before having to come home again)
- A lovely Easter Sunday with new friends from our new church home
- The PE coming closer--one week from today!
- Good check-ups with Little Bug
- Trees getting that wonderful mist of red, orange, or green--not quite leaves, but a veil of color swept over the stark bleakness of winter limbs
- Books coming from Amazon, to hopefully help push through these next few weeks of difficulty
- Only five (or six, depending) more weeks of pregnancy, and then, Lord willing, never again
- Hearing birdsong every morning as I lie awake before the sun rises. If I can't sleep, at least I have lovely music to accompany my attempts
- The hopeful possibility of a visit from my parents after the PE. Goodness knows I could use the help
- Looking at the difference between last years Easter pictures and this years. What a change in just a year--the excitement of wondering what another year will bring
- A strengthened relationship with my husband from facing all the challenges of this past month
- The weekend starts tomorrow!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Writing, Bones, and Pink Sweat.
I was skimming some my old posts yesterday evening, and wow, there are a lot about teeth. I sincerely hope Little Bug's come in quicker, because my readers HAVE to be getting sick of reading about all the teething issues we endure around here.
Twenty minutes in and out of the midwife's yesterday--that's my kind of visit. Especially when the midwife comes in, looks at your chart and says, "Oh, they're yapping at me about doing your pap smear. Eh, we might as well wait until next visit. We have to do your strep test then anyway. No sense in going through this twice." She also informed me that Little Bug and I were so healthy we were boring. At least until I told her about my sweat staining pink. That was interesting--she'd never heard of such a thing before! She said it was nothing to worry about, though, probably just some mineral in my system getting affected by my hormones and causing me to sweat pink. So then at least I wasn't boring, but still healthy! Like I said, my kind of visit.
I spent last night watching Bones and pumping out a new chapter of my LMM fanfic. I would love to get my fanfics completed and out of the way soon. I have so many interesting original stories (and the occasional Narnia oneshot) flowing through my brain that my multi-chaptered fanfics have become more of a burden than anything else. So I figured that since this season of Bones has been irritating me slightly, last night was a good chance to kill two birds with one stone. What is up with Bones, anyway? I still adore Booth, and Cam's storyline has been great this season, but the rest of them are just annoying. And how many episodes can you have where Brennan insists that love is irrational, monogamous relationships are unnatural, and sex is unrelated to both? Once or twice I could have let slide, but Every Single Episode? I'm sure they're setting up for something big in the season finale, but at this rate, viewers are going to be so sick of the topic that they won't even care. (At least, this viewer won't.)
In other writing news, I sent my children's story off to another publisher this past weekend. The deadline came and went in February for the first place to contact me if they were interested, and I finally got around to organizing my list of other publishers and sending it to the next. I have five more places to try if this place doesn't want it--hopefully one of them will take it!
But if not--I'll have to take another story and try, try again.
And now I have to go discipline my temper-tantrum-throwing child. O, the joys of motherhood!
Twenty minutes in and out of the midwife's yesterday--that's my kind of visit. Especially when the midwife comes in, looks at your chart and says, "Oh, they're yapping at me about doing your pap smear. Eh, we might as well wait until next visit. We have to do your strep test then anyway. No sense in going through this twice." She also informed me that Little Bug and I were so healthy we were boring. At least until I told her about my sweat staining pink. That was interesting--she'd never heard of such a thing before! She said it was nothing to worry about, though, probably just some mineral in my system getting affected by my hormones and causing me to sweat pink. So then at least I wasn't boring, but still healthy! Like I said, my kind of visit.
I spent last night watching Bones and pumping out a new chapter of my LMM fanfic. I would love to get my fanfics completed and out of the way soon. I have so many interesting original stories (and the occasional Narnia oneshot) flowing through my brain that my multi-chaptered fanfics have become more of a burden than anything else. So I figured that since this season of Bones has been irritating me slightly, last night was a good chance to kill two birds with one stone. What is up with Bones, anyway? I still adore Booth, and Cam's storyline has been great this season, but the rest of them are just annoying. And how many episodes can you have where Brennan insists that love is irrational, monogamous relationships are unnatural, and sex is unrelated to both? Once or twice I could have let slide, but Every Single Episode? I'm sure they're setting up for something big in the season finale, but at this rate, viewers are going to be so sick of the topic that they won't even care. (At least, this viewer won't.)
In other writing news, I sent my children's story off to another publisher this past weekend. The deadline came and went in February for the first place to contact me if they were interested, and I finally got around to organizing my list of other publishers and sending it to the next. I have five more places to try if this place doesn't want it--hopefully one of them will take it!
But if not--I'll have to take another story and try, try again.
And now I have to go discipline my temper-tantrum-throwing child. O, the joys of motherhood!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Another Non-Essential Post
The past two days here have been filled with glorious sunshine. I think (hope) spring might really be here to stay this time around! Bug and I walked to the grocery store for milk and other mid-week necessities yesterday, and it was lovely. The only downside (well, beside trying to balance a basket in one hand and push the stroller in a straight line with the other) was that my ankles swelled up as soon as we were home. Oh, pregnancy.
Speaking of which ... the chiropractor said yesterday it looked to her like Little Bug had started to drop slightly. Since Bug didn't drop at all until the week before she was born, I was somewhat startled by this, to say the least. It could have just been position (this child wiggles), but I can't help thinking how nice it would be if she came before her due date, instead of five days after, like her big sister.
Which might explain why I have my hospital bag almost all packed already!
Right now, though, all our focus is on Carl's PE next Friday. I wish so much Bug and I could go down with him for moral support, but since most of my nights are spent on the couch due to restlessness, and Bug is a light sleeper, I don't think he'd get the sleep he needs if we were all in the same hotel room the night before the test. So we'll stay home and pray, and talk to him all the way home on the cell phone, if need be! And since hams were on sale this past weekend, we bought one to freeze, so I am going to cook that up on Saturday after the test and we'll celebrate his being finished with a nice ham dinner!
We also just indulged in an Amazon book order to celebrate his being almost done with PE preparation, and me being almost done with the pregnancy. Let's face it, we use almost any excuse to justify a book order!
I'm still not doing so well on keeping up with my Scripture studies, but I am at least doing better about spending one-on-one time with Bug (even when she's fussy because she's cutting her next tooth), and about not worrying, handing everything over to God. I'm even mostly (you'll be proud of me, Sunrise) unafraid of labor now! The house, of course, is still a wreck (laundry, augh!), but at least I'm not stressed out. Although Bug is going to be wearing disposable diapers again soon if I don't get that load of cloth diapers rinsed one final time and hung up--I think it's been sitting (clean) in the washer for three days now! Hm, I might need to wash it again--how long does it take before mildew starts to form?
Midwife appointment this afternoon, and then we finally get the car registered in NY. Somehow the forms kept getting confused, but I think we've got everything now. I told Carl I'm not looking forward to having a NY license plate, because it's so easy to find the car right now--the only PA license plate in the parking lot! Oh well, at least now we'll be "true" New Yorkers again.
And that's all the news on this end!
Speaking of which ... the chiropractor said yesterday it looked to her like Little Bug had started to drop slightly. Since Bug didn't drop at all until the week before she was born, I was somewhat startled by this, to say the least. It could have just been position (this child wiggles), but I can't help thinking how nice it would be if she came before her due date, instead of five days after, like her big sister.
Which might explain why I have my hospital bag almost all packed already!
Right now, though, all our focus is on Carl's PE next Friday. I wish so much Bug and I could go down with him for moral support, but since most of my nights are spent on the couch due to restlessness, and Bug is a light sleeper, I don't think he'd get the sleep he needs if we were all in the same hotel room the night before the test. So we'll stay home and pray, and talk to him all the way home on the cell phone, if need be! And since hams were on sale this past weekend, we bought one to freeze, so I am going to cook that up on Saturday after the test and we'll celebrate his being finished with a nice ham dinner!
We also just indulged in an Amazon book order to celebrate his being almost done with PE preparation, and me being almost done with the pregnancy. Let's face it, we use almost any excuse to justify a book order!
I'm still not doing so well on keeping up with my Scripture studies, but I am at least doing better about spending one-on-one time with Bug (even when she's fussy because she's cutting her next tooth), and about not worrying, handing everything over to God. I'm even mostly (you'll be proud of me, Sunrise) unafraid of labor now! The house, of course, is still a wreck (laundry, augh!), but at least I'm not stressed out. Although Bug is going to be wearing disposable diapers again soon if I don't get that load of cloth diapers rinsed one final time and hung up--I think it's been sitting (clean) in the washer for three days now! Hm, I might need to wash it again--how long does it take before mildew starts to form?
Midwife appointment this afternoon, and then we finally get the car registered in NY. Somehow the forms kept getting confused, but I think we've got everything now. I told Carl I'm not looking forward to having a NY license plate, because it's so easy to find the car right now--the only PA license plate in the parking lot! Oh well, at least now we'll be "true" New Yorkers again.
And that's all the news on this end!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Per Request
Two of the Easter picture attempts:
I actually really like this one; Carl and Bug are making "scowly eyebrows" (said in a growling voice) at each other, and thoroughly cracking each other up.
This, however, is a far more accurate depiction of how the photo attempt went. Bug was not happy, and I realized afterward that my blue skirt wasn't even in the shot! Oh well.
I actually really like this one; Carl and Bug are making "scowly eyebrows" (said in a growling voice) at each other, and thoroughly cracking each other up.
This, however, is a far more accurate depiction of how the photo attempt went. Bug was not happy, and I realized afterward that my blue skirt wasn't even in the shot! Oh well.Friday, April 10, 2009
Friday Bits
I have a new sleeping pattern: fall asleep at 9:30, sleep fairly well, with occasional interruptions to switch sides, until 4:00. Wake up with a muscle spasm in my leg. Leap up, rub leg, whimper, finally settle back down and try not to move my legs at all for fear of bringing on another spasm. Restlessly doze until 6:30, when I kiss Carl goodbye for work. Fall into a drugged coma the minute he is out the door until 7:30-8:00, when Bug gets really bored with waiting for me to come get her out of bed and her happy babblings turn into demanding cries (if she was using more words, I'm sure it would sound something like: "MA! Get me up RIGHT NOW! I'm BORED and HUNGRY!").
No wonder my house looks like a tornado blew through it! I haven't had the energy to clean at all these last few days. My parents--at least my father--have been talking about trying to get down here once more before the baby comes (but after Carl's PE. We had to turn away his mother and my grandmother when they each wanted to stop by in the few remaining weeks before the test), and I hope they do, if for no other reason than I could use the assistance in getting the house in shape.
At least Bug has been happier this week than last. I finally overcame my debilitating fear that I had stunted her growth (I love Dr. Sears--his website is the only down-to-earth and honest site I've found on pediatrics), plus I think her teeth are taking a brief break from tormenting her. I've started just putting food on a plate or in a bowl on the floor and letting her munch from it as needed throughout the day, rather than try to get her to eat only at set times, in the high chair. This actually makes all of us happier, and I think she's not getting as hungry throughout the day waiting for her next meal. (Dr. Sears taught me that one.) I've also been able just to spend more time entering her world, sometimes even just sitting on the floor next to her while she plays. She's started stopping her play occasionally to come up to me and throw her arms around my neck in a bear hug, or to deliberately plop herself in my lap (which is getting trickier as my stomach seems to increase daily). I love, love, love it. I was always a cuddler, and I was so disappointed when Bug seemed to not be the affectionate type. Apparently she just needed to grow into it!
And have I mentioned her walking? She went from a few random staggers once in a while to seriously working at it in the course of about one weekend. Now she's at the point where she will at least try to walk before she crawls, and only resorts to crawling when she's in a hurry to get somewhere. She still ends up sitting down quite abruptly in the course of a few steps, but thankfully she finds that thoroughly amusing (as do we).
6-7 more weeks to go (depending on if Little Bug is one schedule or a week late like Bug). Given the way I'm sleeping, it seems like eternity!
Waiting for Papa to come home.
Little Miss Demure (Carl took this one--must give credit where credit is due!)
Cuddling with Pooh Bear (not just Mamma gets to benefit from the new affectionate Bug!)
No wonder my house looks like a tornado blew through it! I haven't had the energy to clean at all these last few days. My parents--at least my father--have been talking about trying to get down here once more before the baby comes (but after Carl's PE. We had to turn away his mother and my grandmother when they each wanted to stop by in the few remaining weeks before the test), and I hope they do, if for no other reason than I could use the assistance in getting the house in shape.
At least Bug has been happier this week than last. I finally overcame my debilitating fear that I had stunted her growth (I love Dr. Sears--his website is the only down-to-earth and honest site I've found on pediatrics), plus I think her teeth are taking a brief break from tormenting her. I've started just putting food on a plate or in a bowl on the floor and letting her munch from it as needed throughout the day, rather than try to get her to eat only at set times, in the high chair. This actually makes all of us happier, and I think she's not getting as hungry throughout the day waiting for her next meal. (Dr. Sears taught me that one.) I've also been able just to spend more time entering her world, sometimes even just sitting on the floor next to her while she plays. She's started stopping her play occasionally to come up to me and throw her arms around my neck in a bear hug, or to deliberately plop herself in my lap (which is getting trickier as my stomach seems to increase daily). I love, love, love it. I was always a cuddler, and I was so disappointed when Bug seemed to not be the affectionate type. Apparently she just needed to grow into it!
And have I mentioned her walking? She went from a few random staggers once in a while to seriously working at it in the course of about one weekend. Now she's at the point where she will at least try to walk before she crawls, and only resorts to crawling when she's in a hurry to get somewhere. She still ends up sitting down quite abruptly in the course of a few steps, but thankfully she finds that thoroughly amusing (as do we).
6-7 more weeks to go (depending on if Little Bug is one schedule or a week late like Bug). Given the way I'm sleeping, it seems like eternity!
Waiting for Papa to come home.
Little Miss Demure (Carl took this one--must give credit where credit is due!)
Cuddling with Pooh Bear (not just Mamma gets to benefit from the new affectionate Bug!)Thursday, April 09, 2009
Some Things, You Never Outgrow
This is a facebook conversation that took place a couple of days ago. "L" is me, "J" is my almost-sixteen year old cousin, "Z" is his older brother, "C" is my mother, and "LH" is J's cousin on his other side.
J :I am *drumroll* a Jedi!!!!! (as is Mom, because one cannot be a Jedi unless at least one of one's parents is a Jedi.) I do not own a lightsaber, because, a Z pointed out to me, they are impossible because there's no way to make the blade be only 4 feet long or whatever...the light would keep going on forever...
Z only says that because he was kicked out of the Jedi academy before he had a chance to learn how to make a lightsaber.
ALOL! Well how do you know that lightsabers are possible? How many times have you been to Coruscant, hmmm?
Mock not the ways of the Force, young Padawan ... much to learn, still have you.
ROFL you're the best!
Proof in the pic^ [he posted a new picture of himself hooded and robed]
LH
one thing I don't get ... if you have to have a parent as a Jeti, how did the first Jeti become a Jeti?!!!!???!!?!
Mutation.
Dude it's spelled Jedi...and I think the midi-chlorians might have had something to do with the first Jedi.
Actually J, I think your theory about one's parents having to be a Jedi is flawed, seeing as how the Jedi were forbidden to marry. I think the Force simply manifests itself i certain people, regardless of parentage.
Well, one's parents do not HAVE to be Jedi,(as evidenced by Vader), but the other Jedi expressed surprise that Vader's parents (or parent, as it were) was not a Jedi, revealing that it's not a common thing. So one's parents being Jedi certainly helps (Luke, Leia, if you've read the books, then you can add Jaina, Jacen, and Anakin Solo, not to mention others). Furthermore, Jedi were forbidden to marry, but that doesn't mean they always followed said rules.
And after the Jedi purge, the Jedi rules no longer existed, so the marriage rule no longer applied.
True, and also if you read the books you'll see that the Corellian Jedi certainly ignored the rules that applied to most of the others. Although the books contradict each other and the movies so hopelessly that I've actually considered writing my own Extended Universe, just using the movies, Timothy Zahn's Thrawn trilogy, and some of the Rogue Squadron books. It's probably common for Jedi to have Jedi children, but also common for children of non-Jedi to just spontaneously show that connection to the Force. (I think it would have been cool if one of Han and Leia's children had not been Force-sensitive. Wouldn't that have been an interesting twist?)
LH
well technically you can have kids without getting mrlarried.. (a little random)
Well maybe Leia and Han will have a non-Force-sensitive kid in a new book by L ... we know it doesnt have to coincide with the other books. hmmmm
Sometimes it's fun to stop pretending to be a grown-up and revert to my teenage years. J may be eleven years young than I am, but he's a pretty awesome cousin!
Sometimes it's fun to stop pretending to be a grown-up and revert to my teenage years. J may be eleven years young than I am, but he's a pretty awesome cousin!
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Giving Over to God
Is it a rule, I wonder, that all parents must torment themselves over their children? Or is it just me, constantly seeking reassurance that I am doing all right, that my children will be all right. My husband certainly doesn't worry (nor does he enter into my fears--usually just meeting them with a casual "I'm sure it's fine.").
A couple posts ago, I mentioned how I wasn't concerned about Bug's small stature. After writing that, the torture began.
Did I not breastfeed her long enough? Should I have done more with formula after she weaned herself at ten months? Will she always be short because I stinted her of nutrition?
Is the problem after the breastfeeding, did I not give her enough fruits and vegetables? Do I give her too many Cheerios and not enough real foods?
Maybe she's not getting enough to eat in general. I know she eats like a horse and always seems full after a meal, but maybe I'm tricking myself.
Is she developmentally slow in other ways, too? Is her late walking, late crawling, etc signs that there's a deeper problem? Even though she seems mentally ahead for her age, maybe I'm mistaken.
Was it the vaccines? Should we not have done any, should we have done more?
Somehow, is this my fault and am I screwing up my child forever?!?!?!
It's exhausting. It's illogical. I'm 5'4". My sister is 5'. My mom is average height, my dad is short. Carl is tall, but his mother is short. From the beginning, Bug took after my side more physically. I know I shouldn't worry, I know it is lack of trust in God's sovereignty, I know all this in my head ...
But I can't seem to stop the worrying. I want my kids to have the very best life possible, and I don't want to have anything I have done or not done hinder their possibilities.
I just want to be a good mamma, and for some reason, there is no handguide for such matters. Nowhere in the Bible does God give minute direction on how to be a good parent. Instead, he says to trust him. To love him. To love each other and to raise our children in the knowledge of him. In the end, that's what is most important.
And that's what is the hardest task of all.
A couple posts ago, I mentioned how I wasn't concerned about Bug's small stature. After writing that, the torture began.
Did I not breastfeed her long enough? Should I have done more with formula after she weaned herself at ten months? Will she always be short because I stinted her of nutrition?
Is the problem after the breastfeeding, did I not give her enough fruits and vegetables? Do I give her too many Cheerios and not enough real foods?
Maybe she's not getting enough to eat in general. I know she eats like a horse and always seems full after a meal, but maybe I'm tricking myself.
Is she developmentally slow in other ways, too? Is her late walking, late crawling, etc signs that there's a deeper problem? Even though she seems mentally ahead for her age, maybe I'm mistaken.
Was it the vaccines? Should we not have done any, should we have done more?
Somehow, is this my fault and am I screwing up my child forever?!?!?!
It's exhausting. It's illogical. I'm 5'4". My sister is 5'. My mom is average height, my dad is short. Carl is tall, but his mother is short. From the beginning, Bug took after my side more physically. I know I shouldn't worry, I know it is lack of trust in God's sovereignty, I know all this in my head ...
But I can't seem to stop the worrying. I want my kids to have the very best life possible, and I don't want to have anything I have done or not done hinder their possibilities.
I just want to be a good mamma, and for some reason, there is no handguide for such matters. Nowhere in the Bible does God give minute direction on how to be a good parent. Instead, he says to trust him. To love him. To love each other and to raise our children in the knowledge of him. In the end, that's what is most important.
And that's what is the hardest task of all.
I want to be Abby!
I've figured out why I want to be Abby from NCIS. She's wacky and weird, and totally comfortable with who she is, and absolutely everyone loves her. Seriously. Every person who meets her, no matter how weirded out they might be at first, ends up succumbing to her charm and loving her. And part of that reason is that she is completely accepting of other people's oddities, forgiving of their errors, and loving toward others (unless you lie to her. Then she gets really ticked off).
Who wouldn't want to be like that? Besides, she has the best "family" ever in the rest of her NCIS team: Gibbs as the over-protective and slightly indulgent father, Ducky as the eccentric uncle, Tony, McGee, and Ziva as older siblings, and Palmer (poor Jimmy) as the pesky but cute little brother. They're all great, but without Abby, I think they would be more of just a "team" and less of a family. She's what holds them together.
Yeah. Sounds great to me, too.
Who wouldn't want to be like that? Besides, she has the best "family" ever in the rest of her NCIS team: Gibbs as the over-protective and slightly indulgent father, Ducky as the eccentric uncle, Tony, McGee, and Ziva as older siblings, and Palmer (poor Jimmy) as the pesky but cute little brother. They're all great, but without Abby, I think they would be more of just a "team" and less of a family. She's what holds them together.
Yeah. Sounds great to me, too.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
A Kitchen Catastrophe and A Growing Bug
I was feeling pretty good about myself this morning (always a danger sign). I got up about twenty minutes earlier than usual so I could make muffins for Bug and me for breakfast. I even replaced the oil with unsweetened applesauce in the muffins, and reduced the sugar, so I felt extra healthy! Then I got Bug up, sat her on my lap to check my email and other internet items (so much quicker now!), and then cut her up a banana to start her breakfast until the muffins were done. I got the muffins out of the oven, broke one up for Bug, let it cool, and started to make myself a cup of hot chocolate. As I was stirring the mix into the hot milk, somehow my sleeve caught the cup and ...
Hot Chocolate EVERYWHERE.
All over the kitchen floor, the counters, the radiator, even the front door. At this point Bug was in her high chair demanding her muffin, and I was standing in the middle of a chocolaty mess.
I wiped up as much as possible with napkins (the paper towels are upstairs waiting to replenish the downstairs supply), dashed into the dining room to give Bug her muffin, and scampered back to scrub the floor, door, counters, radiator, etc.
Did I mention that by now it was after 8:00 and I hadn't had anything to eat yet? Yeah, Little Bug was getting ticked off at me too. At least Bug was happy eating her muffin.
I eventually got it all cleaned, made myself a fresh mug, finally got myself to muffins, and joined Bug at the dining room table for breakfast. It was an adventure, anyway. At least the muffins were delicious! A bit denser than when made with oil, and they stick dreadfully to the muffin papers (I have got to get some of those silicone muffin liners), but so tasty.
In other news, we measured Bug this weekend (she turned 17 months on Sunday) and she has shot up two inches since December--she's now 29 1/2" tall! And she weighs a little over 20 pounds; I haven't been able to accurately weigh her on the scale. Apparently that places her in the 5-10 percentile for both weight and height. I'm not terribly surprised by this, as my sister and I were both very petite as toddlers and children. I hit my major growth spurt around age nine, and Lis--well, she's still short. And even though Carl's tall now, he was a fairly average-sized baby until age two, when he shot up like crazy. What's most important (to me) is that Bug's height and weight are on track with each other, she's growing steadily, and her head circumference is in the 90-95 percentile. The rest of her body will catch up with her head eventually!
Hot Chocolate EVERYWHERE.
All over the kitchen floor, the counters, the radiator, even the front door. At this point Bug was in her high chair demanding her muffin, and I was standing in the middle of a chocolaty mess.
I wiped up as much as possible with napkins (the paper towels are upstairs waiting to replenish the downstairs supply), dashed into the dining room to give Bug her muffin, and scampered back to scrub the floor, door, counters, radiator, etc.
Did I mention that by now it was after 8:00 and I hadn't had anything to eat yet? Yeah, Little Bug was getting ticked off at me too. At least Bug was happy eating her muffin.
I eventually got it all cleaned, made myself a fresh mug, finally got myself to muffins, and joined Bug at the dining room table for breakfast. It was an adventure, anyway. At least the muffins were delicious! A bit denser than when made with oil, and they stick dreadfully to the muffin papers (I have got to get some of those silicone muffin liners), but so tasty.
In other news, we measured Bug this weekend (she turned 17 months on Sunday) and she has shot up two inches since December--she's now 29 1/2" tall! And she weighs a little over 20 pounds; I haven't been able to accurately weigh her on the scale. Apparently that places her in the 5-10 percentile for both weight and height. I'm not terribly surprised by this, as my sister and I were both very petite as toddlers and children. I hit my major growth spurt around age nine, and Lis--well, she's still short. And even though Carl's tall now, he was a fairly average-sized baby until age two, when he shot up like crazy. What's most important (to me) is that Bug's height and weight are on track with each other, she's growing steadily, and her head circumference is in the 90-95 percentile. The rest of her body will catch up with her head eventually!
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Freedom!
Today, I canceled my My Space account (I only kept it for about three friends who weren't on facebook but now are). I also canceled my Twitter account (nobody else in the world REALLY cares what is going on in my life every minute of the day). I also took about 40 people off my facebook friend list--people I either had never met, were friends of friends I had met once, or people that I felt obligated to have on my list because I'd known them forever, even though my feeling toward them are completely indifferent and I wouldn't consider them friends in real life. Mind, I still have over 100 people on my friend list, but nearly half of those are family, and the rest are either real friends or people I couldn't remove without forever offending them.
After I finished all this, I started to sing "I've got no strings to hold me down," while Carl kindly pretended to smile as he studied.
It's amazing how much of a burden social networking can become. I feel so free now! Maybe, instead of spending all my time during breakfast catching up on social stuff, I can actually read the Scripture. Or even a meaningful book. Or do something beside read pointless updates from people I barely know. And maybe now I can give more attention to real friendships.
(Don't worry (or hope), though--I have no intentions of giving up blogging!)
After I finished all this, I started to sing "I've got no strings to hold me down," while Carl kindly pretended to smile as he studied.
It's amazing how much of a burden social networking can become. I feel so free now! Maybe, instead of spending all my time during breakfast catching up on social stuff, I can actually read the Scripture. Or even a meaningful book. Or do something beside read pointless updates from people I barely know. And maybe now I can give more attention to real friendships.
(Don't worry (or hope), though--I have no intentions of giving up blogging!)
Friday, April 03, 2009
A Post in Which I do Not Complain
Just so you don't think I complain and whine all the time ...
Yesterday I got to feel like a good mamma. Even though Bug was cranky again (Dr. S, our chiropractor, took one feel and said "Swollen lymph nodes. Teething?" Always good to have confirmation), I managed to stay in a good mood. After her nap and lunch, I loaded her into the stroller and walked the mile and half to the playground in our local park. I pushed her on the swings, I helped her down the slide, I encouraged her to climb over the playset (that one didn't work too well as she kept getting stuck and it's not as easy as it used to be for me to climb up after her and rescue her), I bounced her on the bouncy riders, and finally, I took off her shoes and socks and let her play in the sand. Carl picked us up after work and we all went to the chiropractor, two of us tired and sandy, but smelling like fresh air and sunshine. It's raining today, so we can't repeat the activity, but now that I've walked it once, I have no qualms about doing it again when the weather permits.
I've learned something very important about my child this past week. Unless she asks for it, she does not want to be helped. When I try to guide her hand with the crayons, so she at least knows the proper way to hold them so they can make a mark on the paper, she jerks her hand out of my grasp. When I try to assist her with putting the finger paint on the paper instead of smushing it over her hands, same result. She needs to figure things out for herself, on her own.
She's an independent.
I'm not this way at all. I like precise directions, someone showing me exactly how something is to be done. If it's my first time trying something, I study examples until I'm sure I'm doing it correctly. You should have seen me read other people's blogs for months before trying my own, wanting to make sure I did it "right." I was incredibly nervous about posting my first fanfiction, because I was afraid I'd be doing something wrong.
Not Bug. She is SO MUCH like her father. His aunt tells about how when he was a toddler playing with the "put the shapes in the correct holes" game, he would carefully study each shape, study the holes, and then put it in the correct one. No trying several different holes before finding the right one, just thinking the matter through and figuring it out on his own. And he wasn't too keen on assistance, either.
This is going to make teaching Bug a bit of a challenge for me--how do you show a kid who doesn't like to be helped how to tie her shoes? Or potty-train? Or even something as basic as how to color?
Thankfully she's also a pretty sharp kid (another way in which she takes after Papa), so hopefully with most things she will be able to learn through observation of others, rather than direct intervention.
And at least now I've realized, which should eliminate one source of frustration for us both!
Yesterday I got to feel like a good mamma. Even though Bug was cranky again (Dr. S, our chiropractor, took one feel and said "Swollen lymph nodes. Teething?" Always good to have confirmation), I managed to stay in a good mood. After her nap and lunch, I loaded her into the stroller and walked the mile and half to the playground in our local park. I pushed her on the swings, I helped her down the slide, I encouraged her to climb over the playset (that one didn't work too well as she kept getting stuck and it's not as easy as it used to be for me to climb up after her and rescue her), I bounced her on the bouncy riders, and finally, I took off her shoes and socks and let her play in the sand. Carl picked us up after work and we all went to the chiropractor, two of us tired and sandy, but smelling like fresh air and sunshine. It's raining today, so we can't repeat the activity, but now that I've walked it once, I have no qualms about doing it again when the weather permits.
I've learned something very important about my child this past week. Unless she asks for it, she does not want to be helped. When I try to guide her hand with the crayons, so she at least knows the proper way to hold them so they can make a mark on the paper, she jerks her hand out of my grasp. When I try to assist her with putting the finger paint on the paper instead of smushing it over her hands, same result. She needs to figure things out for herself, on her own.
She's an independent.
I'm not this way at all. I like precise directions, someone showing me exactly how something is to be done. If it's my first time trying something, I study examples until I'm sure I'm doing it correctly. You should have seen me read other people's blogs for months before trying my own, wanting to make sure I did it "right." I was incredibly nervous about posting my first fanfiction, because I was afraid I'd be doing something wrong.
Not Bug. She is SO MUCH like her father. His aunt tells about how when he was a toddler playing with the "put the shapes in the correct holes" game, he would carefully study each shape, study the holes, and then put it in the correct one. No trying several different holes before finding the right one, just thinking the matter through and figuring it out on his own. And he wasn't too keen on assistance, either.
This is going to make teaching Bug a bit of a challenge for me--how do you show a kid who doesn't like to be helped how to tie her shoes? Or potty-train? Or even something as basic as how to color?
Thankfully she's also a pretty sharp kid (another way in which she takes after Papa), so hopefully with most things she will be able to learn through observation of others, rather than direct intervention.
And at least now I've realized, which should eliminate one source of frustration for us both!
Thursday, April 02, 2009
The Love of God ...
You know what I'm thankful for?
That God's love does not rest in my efforts. No matter how tired, how cranky, how wretched I feel, no matter how unloving I am, no matter how unloved I feel ...
He still loves me.
His love for me rests in Christ's perfect work on my behalf. Nothing I do can change his love. No good efforts can increase it, no failures can decrease it.
And even when my emotions surge up and overwhelm me, trying to convince me that I am all alone, that God doesn't care, I know he does.
Emotions lie. God doesn't.
He said he would always love me, and he does.
Hallelujah.
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." -Ephesians 3:14-19
That God's love does not rest in my efforts. No matter how tired, how cranky, how wretched I feel, no matter how unloving I am, no matter how unloved I feel ...
He still loves me.
His love for me rests in Christ's perfect work on my behalf. Nothing I do can change his love. No good efforts can increase it, no failures can decrease it.
And even when my emotions surge up and overwhelm me, trying to convince me that I am all alone, that God doesn't care, I know he does.
Emotions lie. God doesn't.
He said he would always love me, and he does.
Hallelujah.
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." -Ephesians 3:14-19
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
My Absence Explained
You might have noticed I didn't write anything yesterday.
That is because yesterday was a horrible, horrible day.
I am past the oh, say, three weeks of my pregnancy that are actually okay for me, and have moved into full panic "I can't take this a second longer, but I am SO SCARED of labor and still have so much to do" mode.
Plus Bug was awful. Very, very disobedient, and would respond to even the gentlest "no" with screams that sounded like someone had just shattered both her legs with a 2x4.
Sometimes she would scream like that even when I hadn't told her "no" about anything, apparently just for the heck of it.
I didn't even want to talk to my husband when he called (partly for his sake--if he was having a good day, I didn't want to bring him down with my gloom and despair). I finally answered the phone the second time he called, but even then I didn't want to talk.
Supper was a frozen pizza--I just didn't have it in me to cook. Thank goodness NCIS is on Tuesdays, because I needed to crash on the couch after supper and watch a little Gibbs & co. (On a side note, are we going to have to wait until the season finale to clear up the Vance mystery? And when do we get to see the episode that starts the spin-off show? Is NCIS going to become like CSI, with a million different spin-offs? 'Cause I just can't picture an NCIS team without Gibbs. And Abby. And Ducky. And DiNozzo, McGee, and Ziva. Apparently I am not very open to this idea of a spin-off. But I'll give it a try, because it is, after all, still NCIS. Of a sort.)
One of the hardest things for me right now is talking to people about what I'm experiencing. Whether they respond with cliche "hang in there, it'll get better soon, and then you'll have a beautiful baby!" answers, or with a sympathetic, "I know, I've been there too, it will pass in time," it doesn't help. (For the record, the sympathy is always more appreciated.) Even my sister's bright chatter yesterday, momentarily distracting me (which usually helps perk me up) didn't do much.
What I want more than anything right now, is a human presence. I want someone here with me, to say, "What do we need to do today? Make freezer meals? Okay, hand me the recipe and I'll get started while you sit here and talk to me." I need someone to give me a hug when I start panicking about labor--there really isn't much comfort one can give regarding that, so just a hug is all I want. I would love to have someone take Bug for a day, just to give me a break from always wondering if I'm scarring my child for life, and becoming more and more convinced that I am in the wrong business--God could not possibly have meant me to be a mother, because I am no good at it.
But, until God drops a million dollars in my parents' laps so that my dad doesn't have to work anymore and can come down and help take care of us, I will just keep muddling through--and remind myself, in the cliched words I so hate hearing from others, that "this too will pass."
That is because yesterday was a horrible, horrible day.
I am past the oh, say, three weeks of my pregnancy that are actually okay for me, and have moved into full panic "I can't take this a second longer, but I am SO SCARED of labor and still have so much to do" mode.
Plus Bug was awful. Very, very disobedient, and would respond to even the gentlest "no" with screams that sounded like someone had just shattered both her legs with a 2x4.
Sometimes she would scream like that even when I hadn't told her "no" about anything, apparently just for the heck of it.
I didn't even want to talk to my husband when he called (partly for his sake--if he was having a good day, I didn't want to bring him down with my gloom and despair). I finally answered the phone the second time he called, but even then I didn't want to talk.
Supper was a frozen pizza--I just didn't have it in me to cook. Thank goodness NCIS is on Tuesdays, because I needed to crash on the couch after supper and watch a little Gibbs & co. (On a side note, are we going to have to wait until the season finale to clear up the Vance mystery? And when do we get to see the episode that starts the spin-off show? Is NCIS going to become like CSI, with a million different spin-offs? 'Cause I just can't picture an NCIS team without Gibbs. And Abby. And Ducky. And DiNozzo, McGee, and Ziva. Apparently I am not very open to this idea of a spin-off. But I'll give it a try, because it is, after all, still NCIS. Of a sort.)
One of the hardest things for me right now is talking to people about what I'm experiencing. Whether they respond with cliche "hang in there, it'll get better soon, and then you'll have a beautiful baby!" answers, or with a sympathetic, "I know, I've been there too, it will pass in time," it doesn't help. (For the record, the sympathy is always more appreciated.) Even my sister's bright chatter yesterday, momentarily distracting me (which usually helps perk me up) didn't do much.
What I want more than anything right now, is a human presence. I want someone here with me, to say, "What do we need to do today? Make freezer meals? Okay, hand me the recipe and I'll get started while you sit here and talk to me." I need someone to give me a hug when I start panicking about labor--there really isn't much comfort one can give regarding that, so just a hug is all I want. I would love to have someone take Bug for a day, just to give me a break from always wondering if I'm scarring my child for life, and becoming more and more convinced that I am in the wrong business--God could not possibly have meant me to be a mother, because I am no good at it.
But, until God drops a million dollars in my parents' laps so that my dad doesn't have to work anymore and can come down and help take care of us, I will just keep muddling through--and remind myself, in the cliched words I so hate hearing from others, that "this too will pass."
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