My Cup Runneth Over

(For those of you who commented on the pictures of Joy and Gracie, you were all right. And I'm glad to note that it's not just me, as their mother, who thinks their eyes are different. Their smiles are different too, even though their mouths are similar shapes, but as Dad says, smiles are connected to eyes as much as mouth.)

So many, many things to thank God for this week. My heart sang praise to him all weekend. After last weekend, we didn't possibly think we could have as good weather for our second apple-picking bout--but we did. It was another day of liquid turquoise sky, sunshine (Gracie and I both got a wee sunburn on our faces--at the end of September in upstate NY!!!!), crisp apples, eye-achingly bright colors in the trees, and family love bubbling over. Carl and I held hands as often as we could through the orchard (not always easy when he is carrying a full bag of apples and I'm wearing the baby) and smiled at each other all day.

Joy loved having Oma and Grandpa ('ma and Gumpa) here, just as she did having Grandma and Aunt Ruth (Gamma and Roop) here last weekend. Gracie decided Grandpa was her new favorite toy and burst into giggles every time she saw him.

Dad and I left Mom and the girls napping and Carl studying Hebrew and went to the library Saturday afternoon, my first trip since Gracie's birth without one or more of the girls. Every time I heard a baby cry or a little girl voice my head whipped around looking for my girls--and then I smiled as I remembered that they were safe at home with Papa, and I could spend as much time as I wanted browsing through the shelves.

Mom trimmed both Joy's and my hair, so I now have an adorable bob instead of bad seventies hair, and Joy looks a little less shaggy. She also brought a huge bag of clothes from Lis, so I now have half a dozen or so more outfit options, including some perfectly adorable striped shirts that are So Frenchy.

I started The Beekeeper's Apprentice after Mom and Dad left yesterday and could hardly put it down for bed last night. It's not so much suspenseful as intriguing and stimulating. I love it. As usual, Laura and Andrea (both, independently) were spot on in their recommendations. It's amazing enough having one friend who likes the same sorts of books I do ... having two blows my mind.

Mom and Dad bought a children's CD from the Susquehanna String Band at their recent concert up north, and not only do Joy and Grace love it, but Carl and I thoroughly enjoy it. Joy dances to it all over the house (and asks for "more songs" when it finishes). I think I will encourage one of the girls to take up either hammered or lap dulcimer when they're older.

Mom, Carl, and Joy went to church yesterday morning, and Dad kept Gracie and me company. We had a wonderful chat, the kind that we like to get in at least once during a visit but haven't been able to the last few times we've seen each other.

I also have a possible tentative maybe opening for some of my work. I can't say more than that now--not that it's any big secret, but I don't want to build up my own hopes, so I'm trying not to dwell on it too much.

Ten years ago, if you had told me that today I would be here, in this place, I would have laughed at you with all the naive confidence of seventeen. Now I am here, and I am so glad I am. Aren't you glad that God is sovereign? I know I am. Not that there was anything wrong with Seventeen Louise's future plans, but this is so much better.

Will you join me and the rest of the gratitude community in thanking our Lord for his mercies, grace, and unutterable goodness?



(I obviously deviated slightly today from my usual bullet point format ... but where's the fun is always sticking rigidly to one particular style?)

And gratitude beats grousing, yet again

Things I need to do today:
Bake Bread
Make grocery list
Make applesauce
Cut and sew five pairs of socks into leg warmers for Joy
Do about three-four loads of laundry
Sweep
Wash Dishes
Think about what to make for supper
Compare three Hosea commentaries to decide which to use
Study Celtic History

Things I want to do today:
Sleep
Read the Laurie R King books from Laura
Sleep some more
And then, for a change, sleep

Things that will most likely get done today:
Bread
Grocery list
Read
One load laundry

I hate night work on the road that goes directly in front of my house. And I really hate that the girls have apparently decided to gang up on me so that I never have a spare moment to nap when my sleep gets messed up at night.

I am so grateful for grace from God to keep me from snapping unreasonably at small children even when I'm sleep deprived. I'm thankful that my parents are coming this weekend, and really don't care if anything on that above list is done or not. I'm thankful my husband is understanding and loving and won't complain too loudly if I tell him we're having frozen pizza for supper tonight. I'm thankful both girls slept through the Ringwraith-like shrieking of the pavement saws at 3:30 this morning, even if I couldn't. I'm thankful I was able to cuddle with Joy when she got herself out of bed at 11:30 last night and then got scared, even if it meant I lost yet another hour of sleep.

I'm thankful God and my family don't love me based on the accomplishment of my to-do list.

On the whole, I have less to complain about than I thought when I started writing this post. Which, I think, is another thing to thank God for.

Look alike, much?

One of the above photos is of Joy at 4 months; the other I took of Gracie yesterday, on her 4 month birthday. (And believe it or not, I actually did not intend to put them in the exact same oufit, and only realized it when I compared pictures.) Can you tell which is which?

Contentment is ...

Today, the first official day of fall, isn't really that different from any day these past couple of weeks. If anything, it's a little warmer. We've been having glorious weather: warm and sunny during the day, and cool and crisp at night. This is the kind of weather that makes me think maybe the good ol' U.S. of A. still has a few things to recommend it.

Even if it isn't England.

I am planning to make applesauce from our plethora of apples we picked this past weekend (gotta make room for the new batch we're hoping to pick this upcoming weekend, with Mom and Dad). I might also try to make bread, since Joy and I finished off the last batch for breakfast this morning. I most definitely need to study, since this evening, when I normally would study, is the premiere of both NCIS and NCIS:LA, the only two shows I really care about watching this season. Well, I'm giving Bones another chance, but I got so sick of it last season that if I miss an episode or two due to study requirements I'm not going to weep large tears.

Both the girls are bathed--Gracie even smiled in the bath for the first time EVER this morning. She will be four months tomorrow, so it is high time, in my opinion, for her to start enjoying bathtime! Gracie very kindly slept from 12:30 to 6:00 this morning, so I am much better rested than I have been in weeks. Joy is hovering between cranky and happy at the moment, but she has been more happy than cranky most of the morning, so I'm guessing she's just temporarily irritated that I'm on the computer and Not Playing Her Music. The nerve!

The leaves are all starting to turn outside my (open) windows, my dishes are washed and I'm ignoring my floors' desperate pleas for sweeping ...

I am content. Life is good.

Apples and Thanks

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law (and sister-in-law's boyfriend) came over for the day on Saturday, and we went apple picking. It's something we had been hoping to do for a couple of years now, but we haven't been able to go since before Joy was born ... the nearest Pick-Your-Own in PA was an hour and half away! Blue skies, warm sun, crisp apples ... it was a day simply made for gratitude toward the Creator.

Thank you, Lord, for eyes bluer than the bluest sky

Thank you for sweet little girls and sun shining off golden brown hair


Thank you for the intense colors of autumn: blue sky, green leaves, red apples


Thank you for little girls and their papas; tender love in strong arms

Thanking him also for:

• Good friends and good conversation around the dinner table
• Laughter and shared jokes
• Death blows to pride ... it's a fearsome giant, but each strike kills a little more of it ... not a pleasant battle, but necessary
• Pigtails and cheeky grins
• Hot chocolate and a good book
• Packages arriving in the mail; precious loans from friends
• Satin smooth binding on baby quilt, project so, so close to completion!
• Fairy bunnies and Hopi the hippo
• A little chum always at my side (even when I think I prefer solitude!)
• Milky smiles in the middle of nursing
• Godly examples of parenting: 10 and 12 year old boys who are as mature and fun as any I've ever known! (and also completely smitten with Joy)
• Days of warm sunshine; what a blessing after such a cold, rainy summer!
• Internet friends and "real world" friends alike
• Flowers, an expression of love from husband, still beautiful and vibrant after more than a week
• Seeing the world through the eyes of a toddler ... beauty and wonder everywhere!

So much to thank him for, my friends ... the praise never ceases

Is Anyone Out There?

Is it just me, or has there been relatively little blogging action happening lately? I look at the blogs in my sidebar and the majority of them haven't been updated in a week or more. Same thing with the blogs I follow, here and on Xanga. Come back, friends! I miss you.

(And to those of you who have been updating regularly, thank you. You've kept me from feeling completely bereft)

Thoughts on Ruth, Pt 3

I find it interesting how most people (myself included, until I looked deeper) tend to separate the characters in this story into "good" or "bad." Ruth is good, of course, as is Boaz, whereas Orpah and the "other" kinsman-redeemer are bad. Naomi is a bit harder to define--she sort of fluctuates between good and bad for most of the story.

But that's missing the point. It's not about good and bad--it's simply the difference between doing what's expected, and going above and beyond.

Take Orpah--she is devoted to Naomi, as is Ruth. It's not a matter of Ruth being the good daughter-in-law and Orpah being the bad (Cinderella and the ugly stepsister, so to speak). It is only after repeated commands to return that Orpah leaves, weeping. In many ways, this is exemplary behavior, as obedience to one's mother is a sign of great respect. Ruth almost appear as stubborn and obstinate in her refusal to leave, though it very shortly (within a few lines) proven as a sign of her deep, extraordinary devotion.

The kinsman-redeemer, likewise, is not a "bad guy." He is perfectly willing to act as kinsman-redeemer, accepting its responsibilities as well as its privileges, until he realizes marriage to a foreigner is involved in the deal. For an honored Israelite, is it really that hard to imagine that he would balk at that? He realizes, too, that he has responsibilities to his own future heirs, and does not want to beggar himself taking care of another man's. He is not bad--he is simply ordinary. Boaz, by contrast, is remarkable in his selflessness, his extraordinary love.

I think we do all the characters an injustice when we break it down so simplistically. It is not a matter of good vs. bad, it is ordinary love and devotion compared to extraordinary.

Applying this to today's Christian mentality--being a Christian who loves the Lord, goes to church, raises one's children to honor the Lord, etc. is NOT bad. It is wonderful and remarkable and should be applauded. How much more remarkable, however, are those who stand out--the family who sacrifices the comfortable middle-class American life to serve the Lord overseas. The man who gives up his only day off in the week to take up the role of pastor at a church 45 minutes away, in addition to his mentally, physically, and emotionally grueling job the other six days (that one's my father, by the way). The mother and grandmother who spends literally every spare moment of her day in prayer. In my own personal life, the husband and father who cheerfully sacrifices the comfortable engineering job with the prospect of wealth and recognition for the prospect of seminary and a job training up the pastors and teachers of tomorrow.

These are the people who stand out shiningly against the backdrop of ordinary Christian life. Not that they are good and the rest of us are bad. Rather, these are the ones who inspire the rest of us to do better, to love God more, to sacrifice a little more comfort for the kingdom.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I am more of an Orpah than a Ruth, but I am thankful for the Ruths of the world who can encourage me to stretch just a bit more, to die to myself a little more cheerfully, to love God with a bit more of my heart.

Truly, we are blessed to be surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses.

Parts 1 and 2 here and here

Summing-Up

So, I didn't forget, exactly, to add this to my thankful list ... I just didn't think to include it. So:

I am very thankful that my husband has been in this world for twenty-seven years. And one day.

Sorry, Babe.

At least I had a mostly-clean house, apple-cheddar scones, and homemade pizza for him yesterday, even if my blog was embarrassingly mum about his big day. Especially when you consider the fuss I throw over my birthday every year on this thing!

In other news, I have about two and half to three weeks left in my Celtic History book, after which I will start on Welsh History. Once I'm finished with my Celtic studies and the holidays are over, I'll return to my first historical love: Russia. I have a Russian history book I need to get through, and (gulp!) I really, really want to try to learn the Russian language. We'll see how that goes.

In other studies, I finished reading through the Psalms, finished Jerry Bridges' "Respectable Sins," and am about halfway through Leslie Leyland-Fields's "Parenting is Your Highest Calling and eight other myths that trap us in worry and guilt" Hopefully by the time the Hosea commentaries arrive in the mail I'll have finished the parenting book and will be ready to start back in on Scripture!

I have hit a bump or two in my fashion journey. One is the lack of a box of clothes that is supposed to arrive from home any day now. It was supposed to be here a couple of weeks ago, but ... well, this is my family we're talking about. Anyway, that's one hitch. Another is my hair. Don't laugh. These days I kind of look like a boy from the seventies. That's a bad hair day, people. And there's not much I can do about it except wait for it to grow out. Add to that the fact that anything I wear inevitably ends up covered in baby drool or worse by the end of the day ... unless I'm going out (which happens rarely enough), I tend to wear knit pants and t-shirts. I haven't given up on my French fashion--I'm just waiting for a little while until I can accomplish the look more easily.

In writing news, I finished Weeping May Tarry (or as Laura calls it, Meeping May Tarry, which as a title fills me with wicked glee), am almost done with The Eastern Door, and am determined to finish Cup of Joy and Her Own Manner of Devotion before starting anything longer than a one-shot, fan-fic related. Original works: I'm scribbling away at my Welsh fairy tale, and still researching all my options for my two completed works.

And I don't believe I have any other interesting news to share, unless you all want to listen to me rave about my beautiful, clever, and charming children!

Multitudes on a Monday

• Playtime with little girls
• Painless transition from crib to "big girl" bed (and how little she does look in it!)
• Stuffed animal already starting to get worn-out by love
• Psalm-reading at supper
• "Happy" books from library; books to uplift and cheer
• Encouragement from both father and mother, separately
• Reminders of God's sovereignty
• Homemade chicken soup and muffins filling the house with savoury smells
• Papa and Mamma dancing wildly with girls--no fear of shame or embarrassment
• Days filled with chatter and giggles
• Writing projects that actually move forward
• Anticipation of a new study of Scripture (Hosea, for those who are interested)
• Baby tipping over as she tries to sit up; the delightful stages of learning
• Colors blending and shaping, a quilt coming to life under my fingers
• Sunshine and changing leaves; beauty in the dying of the year

The Mad Dancers

Remember This

Lamentations 3:19-27

19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
20 My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
21 But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.

Today, my soul is bowed down with grief, for I will never forget the events that took place this day eight years ago. But I do not despair, and I will not wallow in the past; I have hope, for I look to the Lord, and he answers. He was present eight years ago; he IS present today, for all the big world-changing events and the small daily moments that nobody else notices or remembers.

And so I fix my eyes on him, and he does not disappoint. Today, my friends, is a good day.

Moments Captured

I am taking great delight these days in watching the girls interact with each other. They have moved beyond mutual fearful fascination (finally), not quite to playing with each other yet (Gracie is only 3 1/2 months, after all), but at least getting used to each other. Of course, that does mean that I can no longer leave them alone in the same room unless Joy is in her high chair--I turned my back for a second yesterday when Gracie was on the floor for some tummy time, and when I turned back Joy had rolled her over and was attempting to adjust her neck like she sees the chiropractor doing to Mamma and Papa. Gracie was looking up at me with the most patient and resigned expression!

Oh well. It's still wonderful to watch them.

Gracie still has some balance issues
I love this picture not so much for what it is, but for what happened seconds after I took it and my camera battery died--Joy turned to her sister and wrapped her in a big hug. Precious!


Eeyore is Joy's special animal, a present from Aunt Lis that she's had since birth. We didn't have anything like that for Gracie, so I bought her this little stuffed bunny recently. Right now Joy finds it more fascinating than Gracie does--we're working on the concept of "Baby's bunny," not Joy's bunny. Here at least she was playing with it WITH Gracie.


Joy was distracted by her books at this point, so Gracie was able to have a few minutes alone to bond with the bunny.


Joy's expression here as she happily demolished the mini muffins I made earlier was too adorable not to capture. It was only after I took the picture that I noticed how tall she's getting--look at those long legs! She's in that awkward phase where many of her clothes are too short, but still falling off around her waist. Gotta get her some suspenders!

My girls--my treasures from God!

(Sorry, Carl--our girls)

Thoughts on Ruth, Pt 2

The following is quoted verbatim from my personal study notes. (In this study, I found Robert L Hubbard's Commentary on Ruth to be extremely helpful. Comments in quotations are taken directly from the commentary, mainly because I couldn't think of any better or clearer way to put it.)

Introductory Thoughts:

Ruth is a simply love story between Ruth and Boaz. It is a story of hope rewarded, in Naomi finally receiving an heir. It is a story of hesed, compassionate loyalty, of Ruth toward Naomi, of Boaz to Ruth, even of Naomi to Ruth and Ruth to Boaz. The underlying theme, however, woven through all other parts, is that of God's presence in everyday human life. Not through miracles or visions--just he hand of God guiding the hearts of those who seek him, to bring him glory and them good.

The book of Ruth concerns God's attitude (and the Israelites) toward non-Israelites. Here, he is shown as "Israel's covenant God whose welcome to foreigners depends upon their embracing him as God and Israel as people." Note, though, that once this acceptance happens, there is no question of whether or not Ruth belongs. Indeed, she is the ancestress of King David himself, and much later, of Jesus Christ. Her former "foreign" status is completely negated by her new status as a child of God.

We are able to see God in the book of Ruth as a personal God, as opposed to the Mighty Divine Being he appears so often in the Old Testament. He is Yahweh, the covenant God, deeply concerned in his children's personal lives, not just he destinies of nations.

Yahweh's work in Ruth can be noted for two things in particular: "its hiddenness and its continuousness." While the work may be carried out by human hands, Yahweh's presence is clear behind every action; it is he who provides, though he uses human means more often than not.

Part one of this series can be found here.

My Hermitude

I occasionally get accused of being a hermit. It is, I admit, not an unjust assessment since the girls came.

I rarely get out these days, even to church. It will get better; once Joy hit about six months I started feeling like I could have a life again. So we only have two and a half months to go with Gracie!

But honestly, it is just so much work to get them out the door, and then to actually go anywhere with Gracie (and add Joy to the mix and it gets about three times as difficult!), and they are always so cranky when their schedule gets thrown off ... It's exhausting. And just easier to stay home.

Yesterday we visited friends who live two hours today. Gracie slept most of the car ride, but Joy required active entertainment. Both ways. Gracie did not want to nap, and somehow managed to fuss her way off our friends' queen-sized bed (thankfully she landed on an afghan on the floor, where apparently she was laying--lying--whichever it is--sucking her hand when K, the husband, went in to pick her up); I didn't even try to lay Joy down, and she alternated between fussing and extreme silliness once she was past her regular naptime.

Between the two of them, I felt I hardly had much chance to enjoy visiting with these friends, whom we only see occasionally. It was still wonderful to get out and see them, and to show Joy all the animals around the ministry center where they live (did you know that grey bunny rabbits say "Meow"? In Joy's world, they do), and for a once-in-a-while thing it was okay, but I could not do that on a regular basis. The girls couldn't do it on a regular basis--Gracie screamed for hours after we got home last night, and Joy's still cranky this morning from missed sleep.

So we stay at home. And I do my socializing through facebook and blogging. And you know what? I'm okay with that for this time of my life.

It's not always a bad thing to be a hermit.

Completion

After over a year of work, I just uploaded the final chapter of Weeping May Tarry to fanfiction.net.

I am torn between sadness, relief, satisfaction, and emptiness. It is the longest piece of fiction I have ever written. I wish I had taken a shorter time to work on it--it got very long and rambling in parts, and then I had to speed through the middle war years because otherwise it would have ended up the length of a Harry Potter novel ...

But it's done.

And I am pleased.

And now I have to put off the writer and put on the cook--I'm making brownies and pasta salad for a picnic tomorrow with friends, plus tonight I'm roasting a chicken for the first time ever.

Variety is the spice of life!

Simply a Good Morning

The girls are both asleep--Gracie back to sleep, and Joy still asleep (though I expect to hear her little voice at any moment). The house is cool but comfortable, with the sun shining through the dining room windows and a fresh breeze ruffling the curtains. Birds are singing madly outside ... trying to make the most of the last days of summer, I suspect. I have one cup of Italian Creme coffee in me and another one waiting for me when I've finished breakfast (yes, I ration out my cups of coffee--otherwise I hog it all down first thing in the morning and need another cup by noon).

The Psalms are awaiting me. I'll put worship music on once Joy is up, but right now the quiet is more worshipful than any music could be. I'm a chapter ahead in my Celtic study schedule. Last night I figured out that I can wrap Meggie's story up in four more chapters (considering it's already over 100,000 words, I think it's about time!). Gracie slept from 10:00 last night to 6:15 this morning.

I shared a funny story with Carl this morning before he left for work, and so we started our day with laughter, and a baby's beaming face as she curled up beside me in bed after eating. Last night I did most of the prep-work for tonight's supper, so I don't have to worry about that today.

When Carl comes home from work tonight, he won't have to go back until Tuesday. Monday we are heading up to the southern Adirondacks for a picnic with friends, and to deliver a bag of baby clothes Gracie has outgrown, since their first little one is coming in October.

After the mental and emotional stress of the last few days, and the physical exhaustion, I am at peace in my heart, mind, and body.

It's a good place to be.

Glory to the Author of Peace.

Cautious Excitement

My copy of the 2010 Writer's Market arrived in the mail today, and I instantly sat down with Gracie on my lap to skim agents, just to get a feel for them before I made a serious list. I jotted down a few places that jumped right out and would go atop my list, and one of them looked especially promising, being very small and specifically interested in Christian fiction. I took a closer look and almost dropped Gracie. (Who continued to happily drool all over my linen pants, being unaware that Mamma has any life outside Feeding And Playing With Me And Then Cruelly Making Me Sleep.)

The agent is located in my hometown. My tiny little hometown, the one where you blink and miss it. She graduated from the same college I attended. One of her sons graduated from the college my sister and husband attended--actually graduated the same year they did. If my parents don't know her, it's a good bet my grandfather does.

Now, I know that this does not automatically guarantee (I misspell that word every time) that she'll take me on as a client, but I have to think that mentioning in my query letter that one of the reasons I was drawn to her agency was the fact that we're from the same town has to give me at least a better shot of not being tossed into the rejection pile without thinking. Even to have my MS looked at ... that would be amazing, even if the end result was rejection.

So. Guess where my first query letter is headed? And guess who's calling home tonight to ask her parents if they know a certain agent?

In this business, after all, who you know counts for almost as much as what you've written.

Trying to Turn

This has been a rough morning. Carl's alarm (at 5:45 UGH) woke me up from a dream about being married to an emotionally abusive husband (who was not Carl, thankfully, but still--?????). I managed to shake the lingering emotions from that in time to kiss Carl goodbye and was determined to have a good morning.

Then I read a blog post--not on any of the blogs I normally follow, but one I accessed through a rabbit trail of other blogs--about all the reasons it is bad to spank your kids, which linked to an article by Dr. Sears giving even MORE reasons why it is bad to spank your kids, and now I'm worried that the occasional swats we've given Joy for discipline have scarred her for life and she's going to grow up hating us for it.

Although, interestingly enough, neither the blog nor the article actually gave any suggestions on how to discipline your children, simply vaguely saying that there are better ways ...

Thankfully my morning worship music on Pandora has included some very uplifting songs (O Praise Him by David Crowder Band being one), so I'm not wallowing in misery.

And I'm off to read more Psalms--only 40 more before I'm done! Time to turn my thoughts to the Lord.

(For the record, in case anyone is concerned, we RARELY spank Joy, only in cases of extreme defiance, when nothing else has sufficed, and it is never done in anger--we make a definite point of that--and we always cuddle with her afterward, explaining why we had to spank, and reinforcing how much we love her. And yes, I am a little defensive right now. I Do Not Like spanking, but until someone can give me an actual effective substitute, this is the best we can do. *End defensive tirade*.)

ETA: I should say, until someone can give me an effective substitute for our family this is the best we can do. I do recognize (now that the defensiveness has faded somewhat and I can be more logical) that there are families out there with different parenting styles, and they work. I know children who have never been spanked who are beautifully behaved and well-rounded people, and I know children who have been spanked who are rebellious and immature. I also know families who are the opposite. I applaud parents who have chosen a different path and made it work for their family. For our family, this is what works, for right now. Maybe someday in the future we will discover something completely different, but for us right now, right here, we are doing the best we can, with God's help, with what we've been given.

Louise the Fashionista?

Some of you (okay, Cathy) (but I know Laura is interested too) have asked about my recent excursions into fashion.

It started right after Gracie was born, when my hairdresser called me (ONE day before my appointment) to tell me she was quitting her job to go back to school and wouldn't be able to cut my hair anymore. *GASPMISERYDIES* This was the first person in pretty much my entire adult life who cut my hair the way I asked, without saying, "Oh, I know you brought me this picture and explained that you wanted it exactly like this, and explained to me just how your hair works, but I still thought I'd do my own thing, and oh hey, what a shock, your hair does what you said it would not what I thought and it doesn't look anything like the picture oh well, see you in six weeks!"

I have hair issues.

Anyway, so, bereft of my hairdresser, and too busy with a newborn to go through the stress of finding a new one who could do at least a halfway decent job, I decided I had to let my beloved pixie cut (favorite hairstyle EVER, by the way) go, and grow my hair out.

Which led to a fashion crisis. Namely, the fact that I have no defined fashion sense. My wardrobe consists of one or two pieces that I picked up because they were comfortable and I liked the way they looked, and EVERYTHING else was either bought for me by my sister or handed down from her. I live in constant dread of morphing into the Homeschool Mom (the stereotyped one--you know), or even just the Frump Mom. With my hair turning into an untrimmed, shaggy mane, and everything I wear needing to be baby-spit-proof, I knew I needed help.

So I called Lis (which is pretty much my answer whenever I need help for anything except a writing problem) ('cause Lis, she's the math whiz, not the writer). We sat down at our respective computers, figured out my body shape (pear), my face shape (actually, I'd figured that one out a little while ago--it's a mix between oblong and heart), and tried to figure out a good look for me, that would be stylish yet practical, and would best reflect my personality.

With the help of this site, we finally settled on French Fashion: Sleek, sophisticated, and timeless (doesn't sound like me? I didn't think so either, but hey, everyone has to aspire to something, right?), a mix of trends and staples, with a little added "oomph" to make it personal (now THAT part--the oomph--sounds like me) ... now I had something to work with!

Obviously I can't get rid of my entire wardrobe and start fresh to achieve this style, but it did help me sort through my clothes, get rid of items that weren't flattering, or I just plain didn't like (no matter how good other people may think they look on me, I just cannot like collared, button-down shirts), or didn't fit well, and now I have an idea of what to look for when I do have a little extra money to spend on clothing.

Now, this all seems utterly frivolous, and it is to a certain extent, but it's amazing at the huge boost in self-confidence I've felt since settling on a "me style." I wear my clothes with confidence, instead of just schlepping around with them, I am not embarrassed in public, I'm not always wondering and worrying if something makes me looks bad ... overall I just feel stronger, more confident. I can't carry this look too far until I'm done breastfeeding Gracie, but working with what I have right now is enough for the moment!

As for the hair ... it's going to continue to look shaggy while it's growing out, but it's controllable right now, and I do have a longer, simple hairstyle I'm working toward (this picture, if you're curious). Maybe by the time I can pack away my nursing tops, it will be long enough to get trimmed the way I want it!

I have been taking pictures of my "new" outfits recently, so I will probably be posting them periodically. You know, in between study notes on Ruth. 'Cause nothing screams "deep, theological blog" like fashion photos!