Have you ever noticed that many bloggers don't post on Thursdays? It's like some unspoken law: Thursday is the day to let slip by.
Maybe it's because after you get through the first half of the week, your brain is fried and you can't think up any scintillating topics. By Friday you're anticipating the weekend and so your energy has risen again.
It sounds like a reasonable theory, anyway.
I spent much of yesterday (when not dealing with miserable children) plotting to subvert a wedding. It was fun. Unfortunately, the bride and groom are too conscientious to throw their families and friends into a tizzy by eloping a few months before the wedding, but if they change their minds, I have a Plan.
Why do so many people insist on interfering in other peoples' weddings, and what business is it of theirs, anyway? What ultimate benefit does the mother of the groom get by forcing the bride to use the "traditional" candles, or insisting that the bridesmaids all have matching shoes? Why should the mother of the bride insist on inviting second-cousin-five-times-removed Albert when the bride has never even met him? Why should distant relatives nearly have heart attacks upon learning the couple plans to do pictures before the ceremony instead of after, or are arranging the tables in the reception hall in a circle instead of rows? How does this affect their life and happiness?
My wedding was supposed to be stress-free. We kept it as simple as we possible could in order to ensure it was a pleasant, fun-filled day for everyone. And was it? Well, maybe for most people (except the family members who were apparently outraged that I used the word "obey" in our vows, never mind that it's simply tradition and half of them used it too), but it was not fun for us. Not really. My sister took most of her wedding responsibilities on her own shoulders to try to keep other people from getting frustrated, and they still had bad attitudes about it all (except for the same family members who were upset at my wedding. In one year they apparently changed personalities altogether and turned into the most supportive, helpful, awesome family ever.) (I love my family, even if they defy explanation.)
My friend Ash told me yesterday that nothing about this wedding, happening in June, is ending the way she and her fiance originally wanted it. That is a sad, sad statement. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments in a couple's life, marking the beginning of their life together, and instead of merely marks the beginning of other people telling you how to live your life. Go, America.
So, I started plotting. Dad told me he'd be more than happy to marry the couple if they decided to travel up to northern NY for an elopement (our version of Gretna Green?); Carl and I would stand in as witnesses (I already have my matron of honor dress, anyway, AND the color shoes Ash originally wanted before the other bridesmaids went behind her back to get the shoes THEY wanted instead ...); Mom could get Joy's dress made in short order so she could still be the flower girl; I don't think it would take too much persuading for Lis to make a flying trip home to act as photographer.
There's a beautiful gazebo in a lovely park in my parents' hometown where Dad could perform a simple ceremony. The Adirondacks are a lovely place for a honeymoon.
Oh yes, I have it all planned out. Maybe, if the writing career never takes off, I could form a career as an elopement planner. I'm sure there'd be a large call for such a person. Mostly from stressed brides and fed-up grooms, ready to disown their families altogether.
Elopements 'R' Us, anyone?
7 comments:
You would make a wonderful elopement planner, I think. Also, that's an untapped market. Wedding planners seem to crawl out of the woodwork, but elopement planners....
I don't think anyone's wedding turns out to be what they expected it to be. I will probably always harbor some resentment that my mother was so worried about the cakes that she couldn't be there for me that day, and when she looks at pictures, she just complains that she didn't have time to apply her makeup. That is probably one of the few times in my life my sister actually helped the situation instead of making it worse.
We took pictures before the wedding, thank goodness, and Bart calmed me down when I started to absolutely fall apart. I still wouldn't trade my wedding though. That day was proof once and for all, that my life was with Bart then, and he's who I can always count on.
Ugh! People seem to get so childish when it's other people's wedding. Why is that? They have a show called Bridezillas, why not a show on in-laws or guests gone crazy.
My MIL was the worst offender. She was shocked because Brandon didn't consult her before proposing. Said it was too soon (we had only been dating for 6 years by that time.) She tried to talk him out of marrying me. She threw a fit when Brandon picked his best friend for best man instead of his much older brother and wouldn't stop until he changed. Brandon, who is very easy going, picked a fight with me after we both agreed on the traditional wording of our invitation because his mother had a hissy fit when she found out her name wasn't on it. She proceeded to pout throughout our entire rehearsal dinner for reasons that are still a mystery to me. But I was in good company, she threw fits at all of her kids weddings.
Fun times!! Needless to say, I wish we had eloped. It's sad that those are the things that stick out the most, but nothing would have stopped me from marrying Brandon.
Surprisingly, something huge changed in MIL and she doesn't interfere with our lives anymore, we get along great now. I guess she finally realized that "baby boy" was an adult and would be making his own decisions without her input.
You know what I thought of when I read this? I mean I had a lot of thoughts because I have been to so so so so many weddings and have seen what you are talking about. Oh the drama!
But what I want to say is that you would be SO good at planning what is read. I have heard such beautiful poetry and vows read at weddings. If I could go back in time I would have you help me pick out a special reading, and then I would have you be the one to read the poetry! :)
Lots of love!
JO
This post cracked me up, but it also relieved me. I didn't enjoy my wedding as much as I should have. My mother took over and it snowballed out of control. What we wanted (backyard barbecue, barefoot, friend playing the guitar for music) was so different from what we ended up with (300 people, ballroom, jazz band). Oh, well! The important part is that you're married. Most brides make the mistake of thinking things END with the wedding day, when really, it's only the beginning.
i feel really guilty right now for having been the source of what little drama there was (not at the wedding but related to planning). my mum organised everything i wanted, and the day itself was perfect.... which i never thought it would be given my naturally clumsy and exuberant nature!
mostly i recall frustration with the guest list. but that was only because i have so many dear friends that limiting them was hard. and i was in a bad mood from some previous family drama and wanted hardly any family initially.
my poor mum, on the other hand, was a wreck from absorbing any and all stress related to my wedding. (which was funny because my sister's 6 months previously went off quite well and was much larger.) i have theories but ultimately i feel responsible for the stress and not for the smoothness of the day itself.
*many many hugs and girlish chitchat*
Stress that the bride or groom causes is different, I think. It's not great, but still, it's their wedding so they're allowed to stress other people out (to a certain extent). But when it's other people causing the bride and groom to stress ... well, that's what REALLY gets my hackles up.
*hugs and girlish chitchat always much appreciated!*
The way my in-laws took over our wedding should have been a warning to me about the role they would have in our continued life together.
I don't mean they were picky about invitations and vows and such. We were creative about a lot of that and they knew their son well enough to know we were going to do our own thing - MIL just asked, anxiously, when we said we were doing a medieval wedding, "You're not going to make your father wear tights, are you?"
But because we had the wedding in their home town (it made more sense - we didn't have a home church in our town yet, and my parents are five states away), they insisted on inviting everybody they knew. And for two people as in-the-middle of every community, church, and school activity as they had been for the past fifty years, that was a lot of people. 500 invitations went out. 300 guests were there, of whom about fifteen were my family and friends.
We had initially intended on a much smaller ceremony that we would pay for ourselves. When I put up resistance to their enormous list of people who just "had to be invited or we could never show our faces again", they expressed their intention to pay for most of the event. Well, yeah - I certainly was not going to ask my parents to cover the entertainment and refreshment of over 200 strangers!
It's water under the bridge now, and the wedding was beautiful and went down fine, and we got a lot of very nice gifts from all those strangers. But I will never forget standing in a receiving line for an HOUR shaking hands of people I didn't know, and then having to mingle among them during the reception instead of being able to sit down and eat something. By the end of the afternoon we were starving and exhausted, which is not really the best way to begin your honeymoon. I came down with a raging virus. Sublime.
And that kind of "loving" domineering has only gotten even more pronounced since we had children. Thank heaven we do not live in the same town.
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