Thursday's Child Has Far to Go (and much to do)

We have today, and we have tomorrow, and then we're home for a visit.

I can't wait.

And I can't blog much, either, because there is much to be done before I can leave with a clear conscience.

But I didn't want to not put up anything.

Because it's Thursday, poor, lonely Thursday which never gets blog posts. (Except by me. And Adrienne.)

So here's a couple more pictures from last weekend:

She cries the whole time she does this, "Lookit Joy running!"

She's just too cute.

I'm pretty sure climbing the cannons is frowned upon, but really, could you pass up a chance for a picture like this? I sure couldn't. And I didn't.

My three favorite people in the world (sorry, everyone else. You are all my second-favorite people in the world.)

Happy Thursday!

Sleepy Wednesday

I have half a cup of coffee in me, and am finally starting to feel like something resembling a human being. It was 1:00-1:30ish before I fell asleep last night. Have I mentioned that Gracie wakes up and wants to play every morning at 5:30?

Yeah.

Caffeine is my friend, today.

The first hour of sleeplessness was caused by the horribleness that was the NCIS season finale. It left me with many questions (and not just the obvious ones, like What Is Going To Happen to Gibbs' Father?) Questions that make me think I'm going to have to re-watch the finale online to pick up what I missed. How did Allison get the report? What was in the box? What is the druglord (druglady?) really up to? What the heck were Gibbs and Vance talking about toward the end? (Would that have made more sense if I'd ever watched Casablanca?)

(Yes, I realize it's a crime against humanity that I've never seen Casablanca. It's not deliberate; I've just never had the opportunity. I'll watch it someday.)

(I've never seen Titanic, either. That one is deliberate.)

Anyway, once that finally got worked out of my system, I still couldn't sleep. It was hot. The kind of heat that weights your body down and makes you twitch. The kind of heat that's really ironic when you have a brand-new air conditioner sitting upstairs awaiting installation.

Then there were the noises. Knowing that it was going to take me a while to settle after the NCIS finale, I opted to sleep downstairs last night so that Carl's night wouldn't be interrupted. (I'm such a good wife.) I swear, the house was just as twitchy as I was last night. Every time I'd start to drift off, I'd hear an odd creak or squeak, and jerk awake, convinced that either A) Joy was awake and wandering around upstairs, or B) Someone was sneaking in about to murder us all. Hey, it was late, I should not be expected to be rational!

So I turned my computer on, wrote a little bit more on my Narnia fanfic (which I think requires majorly detailed plotting before I actually start writing, because I now have two different beginnings and neither pleases me), turned the computer back off and read more in the latest Josephine Tey I borrowed from the library (yes, I am aware that reading mysteries when trying to sleep is not the brightest plan. I will say, however, that Tey is the least likely out of any of my favorite mystery writers to keep one awake. Her books are much more intellectual puzzles, much less gruesome murders), and finally drifted off.

And now it's today, and the girls are playing together and giggling happily AGAIN, and I am chugging coffee and ignoring everything that I SHOULD be doing in favor of just resting, and for the moment, we're all good.

How is your Wednesday?

My reasons for getting up in the morning:

She just started saying "Mamma" this week. It's always in a very preemptory tone, but do we care? No, we do not. We love it.

Her nose was stained yellow for hours after this picture. We loved that, too.

Simple Joy

Right now, the baby is napping. Joy and I are on the porch; I'm taking a break from writing, and she's alternating between coloring and watching vehicles in the parking lot. The sun is shining (really, really warmly); the birds are singing; the last of the lilacs are perfuming the air. We're listening to kid's music on Pandora (Barenaked Ladies at the moment). We didn't eat the supper I prepared last night, so I don't have any food prep to do this afternoon. I just finished cutting out a cloth doll I'm attempting to make for my cousin's baby girl, due late summer.

Joy and I worked on some of her BrainQuest cards earlier today. She's really starting to get good at them! We've also been practicing letter sounds, and now she wants us to tell her a word that starts with whatever letter we're working on at the moment. I don't think it will be too much longer before she starts reading! The only problem right now is that she often thinks numbers should have sounds, too. "What sound does the letter 6 make?" she asks, looking at me expectantly. (Always six, interestingly enough ... never a different number)

We're traveling up to Mom and Dad's on Memorial Day weekend. Lis and David will be there (when they're done running a marathon in Ottawa); one of my uncles is coming up as well, so we'll get to see him and Grandpa; the weather report is PERFECT for the weekend ... I'm excited. Gracie hit twenty pounds over the weekend, so we were able to put her in a forward-facing car seat on Saturday, which ought to make her happier about traveling. It is so fun to look in the backseat and see both our girls facing forward.

I have been feeling bad for Caspian in Narnia fanfiction lately. He seems either to get pegged as Susan's paramour (in the really bad stuff), or the bumbling inheritor to the Four's reign. Nobody quite seems to give him credit for being the king who restores Narnia to her true roots after a thousand years of Telmarine rule and tradition. And yes, he does some dumb things along the way, and has a nasty streak inherited from his uncle, but considering everything working against him (he was raised by Miraz, after all), he does a fairly good job. So, anyhow, I just started a fic on him after VDT and before SC, giving some explanation as to the stupid things he does in VDT, and dealing with some of the fallout from said fallout (hint: the Lone Islands make a bid for independence!), and trying to build him as a real character, one with human flaws, true, but one who strives to do Aslan's bidding and be the best king possible.

Tonight is the NCIS (and NCIS:LA) season finale. Carl's happy, because it means I won't be watching any television at all until this fall, and I'm happy because OHMYGOODNESS have you people seen the previews? If I have to wait any longer to find out what happens to Gibbs and Franks, I might burst. I could have cared less about the LOST series finale - but NCIS? There I'm hooked.

The baby is awake now, and we're all ready for lunch (the iced coffee I made myself earlier didn't do much for filling my stomach, but it sure tasted good), so I will end this post and simply enjoy the rest of our day.




I feel as though far too often I use this blog as a place to vent when I've had a bad day. This is not a bad thing - it is better to release frustrations here than take them out on my family - but I need to balance that by also writing when we are simply having a good day. This is a Good Day. Nothing especially exciting is happening, but we are Happy, and Life is Good. That, my friends, is worth posting about.

One More

Sorry to do two posts in one day - but I just did some editing on a group picture where half the crew was either scowling at the camera or ignoring it, and turned it into a nice shot of just Gracie and me. And then I had to share!

One Year!

Gracie's one-year birthday was yesterday. (One year? How did this happen?) We had Carl's mom and sister out, went hiking in the morning, and then spent the afternoon relaxing, opening presents, taking pictures, and eating strawberry shortcake. Kind of an ideal birthday, if you ask me ...

First, though, the girls woke up:

That is Joy giving Grace kisses. And Grace not really caring.

Grace wasn't too sure about the strawberry shortcake at first, but then decided it was worth cleaning the plate. And then maybe licking it.

"What?"

Typical children - far more interested in the bows and wrapping paper than the presents themselves.

The weather was perfect, and after presents and shortcake we went outside to take some family shots, and especially some Gracie shots. I really wanted to get some of her in front of the green leaves, like her birth shots:

Oh my little girl, how much you've grown and changed in one year!

Sisters! Who are finally starting to enjoy each other, much to Mamma's delight.

We took a bunch of family shots, but despite the fact that you can't see Carl's or my face, this one is my favorite. Joy was kissing Grace, and both were giggling, and everything about it is just sweet.

The girls are pretty cranky this morning, after the busy weekend (Carl's mom was here on Saturday, too, and we went hiking that day as well), and I'm tired, but it was good.

One year. A year of Grace. (And two-and-a-half years of Joy)

Amazing.

Doodles and Noodles

Our daughters have (in my, admittedly biased, opinion) beautiful names. I call them Joy and Grace on here (and okay, once or twice I've slipped and called them that in real life), but their real names are unique and ethnic and NOT the sort of thing that would make them the target of much mocking on the playground. I worked HARD on finding their names.

What they are currently being called around the house?

Doodles and Noodles.

Joy's name starts with a "D," which led to Doodles. Gracie's name does NOT start with an "N," but Noodles just sort of followed Doodles naturally.

It's Carl's fault. HE started it, and I, being a properly submissive wife who follows her husband's lead in all things, meekly submitted and began calling them that too. Or else I started calling them that because it was so catchy, and hearing Joy sing out "Doodles" in her little two-year-old voice is so stinkin' cute.

You pick which scenario you think is more plausible. Either way, Carl started it.

Doodles

and Noodles

I'm curious. Do you do nicknames in your family? My family is notorious for them, which has apparently affected Carl (you're one of us now, babe. Bwa-ha-ha). If you do nicknames, what are they? 

Inquiring minds, as my dad says, want to know.

B&W Wednesday: Sunday Hike

I feel like there should be a poem to go with this picture ... but I can't think of anything remotely poetic. Any takers? Anyone want to write a poem to go with this? Leave it in the comments ... if I get more than one I'll pick my favorite and feature it in next week's B&W Wednesday.

We went on a hike last Sunday to an educational center nearby. It turned out to be less fun than we had hoped ... both girls ended up whiny before day's end; I lost the lens cap off my camera and could NOT find it anywhere, even though we ended up retracing our entire route; at one point Carl and I crossed paths and missed each other and he had to take care of both girls (while they were whining), etc. Things were rather tense between us until we'd been home for a while, when he accidentally made a pun about something and we both ended up in gales of laughter. Ah humor, truly nature's best remedy for every ill.

I did, despite losing my lens cap, get some great shots, though:

Canada geese were everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

All I could think of were the ducks in "The Aristocats" with this picture! -Their pompous waddle, great sense of superiority, and all the time looking so ridiculous. Hmm ... one could make an analogy to some people here, I think, but one won't. At least this one won't. :-)

Honeysuckle was also everywhere. The scent was intoxicating, just dizzyingly sweet. All I could think of was CS Lewis's "Perelandra." So, so beautiful, almost too beautiful for human senses.

This is my favorite picture from the entire day. I took this right at the start of the walk, when everyone was fresh and happy and not whining. I can hardly ever persuade Joy to look at the camera these days (I'm interested to see what will happen at the wedding in less than a month), but I just caught that mischievous expression as she looked back at me. Off on an adventure!

Still Alive, Just Busy

I know it's been quiet around here lately. A few reasons for that: 1) I don't have much to say. 2) I've been in the throes of final preparation to send The Book back to the agent, with the changes. 3) I've been spending more time with the girls when they are awake, and when they are napping I've been catching up on chores. Yesterday I mopped for the first time in oh, about a month. Needless to say, my floors needed it.

So. I still don't have much to say, and I'm scrabbling away at this while waiting for Joy to finish her lunch before she goes down for a nap, but I did at least want to let everyone know I am still alive, and hopefully I will be back to blogging regularly soon.

We went on a hike this past weekend which produced a few good black and white photos, so if nothing else, I'll at least get those up tomorrow for B&W Wednesday.

In the meantime, I hope you all are having a wonderful week! Joy is almost done eating, and then I need to get lunch, and shower at some point, and take care of the clean laundry, and get supper underway ... see why I have no time for blogging?

Twitter

By the way, I am back giving Twitter another try - mostly because I think it will be a useful tool if The Book ever gets published. Also because it is fun.

Anyway, if you're at all interested in following me, I'm on under my maiden/pen name. You can find me at

https://twitter.com/ElouiseBates

Tulips and Ducklings

Today I'm not feeling so much the inevitability of having another child. Today I am feeling more like it's inevitable I won't survive my children's toddler years.

Well. To distract myself from the morass of sleeplessness and teeth and toddler attitudes that is my life right now, I present to you some of the pictures I took last Saturday at the local Tulip Festival. These were all taken after the random hailstorm that drove us to huddle underneath a tree. Which was actually kind of fun, if only because it was so random. We're strange. I know.

There is something so soothing and serene about tulips. I'm feeling calmer this morning just for looking at these pictures.

I am always in awe at the different shades and color combinations there are in nature. These are only a smattering of the dozens of gorgeous blooms.

I love my Nikon D40. I was able to get some really magnificent close-ups with it.

As much as I love all the different colors, the pure white is so remarkable, and always makes me think of Isaiah 1:18 - "Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool." What a refreshing promise for anyone, especially this exhausted mamma who has lost her temper and patience half a dozen times already this morning!

I adore the streaks of green on these pink tulips. This is my background on my computer right now, actually!

Even if we didn't know from Scripture that God is the heart of all beauty, we could reasonably conclude that just form looking at his creation. If there is so much beauty in this fallen and flawed world, how much more must there be in the One who created it?

On our way back through the park, to walk the two hundred blocks back to where we parked the car (yes, I exaggerate, but only slightly. It was a LONG walk), we saw this mother duck and her ducklings swimming in the river. We immediately stopped, and they swam right over to us, most likely looking for food. When they discovered we had nothing for them, they swam away again, but in the meantime Joy was beside herself with excitement (which looks calm to people who don't know Joy. Trust me; she was excited) at seeing some real live ducklings with their mamma. It was the perfect cap to a wild and crazy day.

"There is so much in the world for us all if we only have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it, and the hand to gather it to ourselves -- so much in men and women, so much in art and literature, so much everywhere in which to delight, and for which to be thankful." - Anne of the Island, by LM Montgomery.

B&W Wednesday: Silly Brain

Disclaimer: I am not pregnant.

Pregnant with Joy, summer '07

Pregnant with Grace, winter '09

After much, much prayer and discussion, Carl and I decided last year that Grace was going to be our last child (DV). I'm not going to go into all the reasons for that decision here, but it was the right choice for our family. If, of course, God decides to turn our lives upside down, we'll be fine with that, too. He is, after all, a sovereign Lord.

Lately, though? It's the weirdest thing. I've been feeling like it's almost inevitable that I will get pregnant again. Like it's going to happen despite us, which leads to feeling like, "Well, if I'm going to get pregnant, I'd rather do it now and get it over with." I don't want to be pregnant - but I've almost been feeling like I ought to be.

Part of it, I'm sure, has to do with the fact that both Joy and Grace were surprise babies, gifts from God we weren't expecting. Part of it has to do with the fact that one of my close friends just gave birth a couple of weeks ago, and several other friends are expecting. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that our lives have been so tumultuous ever since I became pregnant with Joy that it is just odd to be in a place, now, where things are fairly settled. My silly subconscious keeps going "OK, time to shake things up again!"

I'm not pregnant. I'm happy about that. Really happy about that.

But if I put up a post in a month or so that begins "Here we go again ..."

You'll know that God was just trying to prepare me for another shock.

*The top picture was taken by Carl, the bottom by my sister Lis.

A Hard Season

Gracie is on the kitchen floor, playing with a bag of potatoes and a Fisher-Price tea set yellow plate. A few minutes ago she was (loudly) "singing" while banging accompaniment to herself on the tin Mom keeps her rice in. Dad is trying to get ready for work, and being thoroughly and delightedly distracted by my baby, and I'm smiling.

Which is good.

Because I was crying at various points in the hours between 1:00 and 5:00 this morning. When the baby wouldn't sleep. And I worried about her waking Joy up, since the three of us have been sharing a room while here at Mom and Dad's. And my back started aching abominably again (likely due to the constant picking up and setting down of the baby between my bed and the crib). And I felt, once again, utterly abandoned by God.

My soul is full of snarls lately. I can't seem to comb them out. Everything I try just tangles them further. I've heard all the "supposed to's" that people say one should do.

I pray - God seems silent. Sometimes the moment I get done thanking him for something (like "thank you for making the baby sleep" last night), the opposite happens (she woke up. Again). It gets so frustrating that eventually I am tempted to stop praying all together, because I (contradictorily) feel more abandoned by God when I'm speaking to him than when I'm not.

I read the Scriptures - the words sink in, are sweet refreshment at first. An hour later, I can't remember what I read. Whether it is my sleep-deprived "mommy brain" or something else, these words of life aren't staying with me.

I "count my blessings", fill out my gratitude list - somehow, the thanks hang dead in the air, and my heart it not in it. It does not build joy, not anymore.

This is a season, and I know it will pass. The baby will eventually not be a baby anymore; she will sleep, and no longer cling to me every moment of the day. As the girls get older, things will eventually settle down, smooth out. Maybe, even, by God's grace, we might find a new church, and we might start receiving spiritual nourishment from a source outside ourselves. (That post on theology and mothers? I have to remind myself that I am NOT getting anything, and I am trying to still give, and it's kind of natural that my reservoir would run dry after a time.) That thought does not bring comfort in the moment, at 3:00 in the morning, but I cling to it with both hands all the same.

By the time I finish this post, both Mom and Dad have gone to work, Joy is up, Gracie is fed, and the girls are playing around each other in the kitchen while I try to finish my coffee before it is stone cold. The sun is shining through the windows and french door, melting the frost (yes, frost in May - it's the north country) off the grass.

Everything looks brighter in the morning. The sun warms my heart at surely as it warms the hard grass. We're going home today, and maybe Gracie's tooth will break through.

We'll get through.

The sun still rises every morning, even when I have not slept more than four hours the previous night.

God is still good, even when he seems distant.

We'll be okay.

Nothing Much

My gram is coming out sometime today on her way through from PA to VT. She'll spend the night and go on to my uncle's in VT tomorrow morning. Then Sunday the girls and I are going to be taking an impromptu trip to Mom and Dad's, and coming back on Tuesday. (A friend in the area is going up for Mother's Day, and offered us a ride.) It's going to be a busy few days, but fun. Family time is always great.

In other news, my brain is still fried from my push to get the editing done on The Book as quickly as possible. My back is also quite sore from spending too much time in a hard chair leaning over a computer. Yesterday I barely touched the computer all day, and had to spend an hour flat on my back after I made supper. (Don't worry, I've been to the chiropractor, nothing's damaged, it's just sore.)

Due to the brain-frying, I can't think of anything worth blogging about. I didn't want to just be silent until next Wednesday, though, so I figured I'd at least say something. I might post while at Mom and Dad's, but I wouldn't count on it.

Something pretty to take into the weekend:

Also, them:

I Did It

I finished the edit, and I'm feeling pretty good. So I found this video of Kurt Browning skating to "I Did It," and thought it summed up my sense of triumph quite well.

Plus, you know, Kurt. Who wouldn't want an excuse to watch him skate? Especially in those pants?

(Carl, ignore that last question.)

Black and White Wednesday: Apple-Blossom Days

I'm on the porch with the baby right now (Joy is still sleeping, or else playing quietly enough in her room I haven't heard her yet). The sky is robin's-egg blue, and the sun is shining through the windows and dancing on my computer screen. I'm drinking my first cup of English Breakfast tea, and Gracie is pressing her face to the glass panes in the door and laughing at herself. She's wearing pink and brown monkey pajamas with little ruffles on the shirt, and her curly hair is sticking out every which way. She will occasionally stop with the door long enough to look around and hum reflectively to herself. She is so much fun. I can't believe she is only weeks away from being a year old. Joy is exactly two-and-a-half TODAY. Where does the time go?

You all might (or might not) have noticed a bit of a silence on this blog recently. The reason for that is two-fold:

1) I've been working (slaving) on re-writing The Book. It's a pain. It's tedious. It's all going to be worth it in the end, even if I don't get published, because I am learning a lot about voice and POV and all that, but it's still Hard Work. And I'm trying to get it done quickly so I can send it back to the agent before she forgets about me, so I haven't had much time for blogging.

2) I was kind of hoping that if I didn't put up any new posts, I might get some more dialogue happening on my most recent one. And it worked—partially! Connie left a comment, for which I am grateful. I wouldn't mind hearing other people's opinions, though (and I will leave a response, too), so if anyone feels inclined to chime in on the post just below this one ... have at it.

It's Wednesday. That's means black-and-white pictures. Here you go:

These were all taken during our hike on Sunday morning (which came about this way: Carl woke up and said, "We should go for a walk this morning!" I said, "Yeah! But I hate walking on the road with the girls, especially since Joy doesn't want to hold our hands anymore." Carl said, "Maybe we should go to one of the parks." I said, "Yeah! Or that place Dr. S told us about, with the waterfalls." Carl said, "Oh, that would be fun. Let's do that." And that's how our "morning walk" turned into a two-hour hike. Don't you wish you lived close enough to hang with us?), and they are noteworthy because they are the first pictures that I ever attempted taking on my digital SLR on the manual settings. These were all taken in black-and-white, not just edited into b&w once on the computer. It was fun. I'm going to start playing with manual more. I like the control. I'm learning to be brave!

Joy is now awake and on the porch with us. More specifically, on my lap. ("Mamma's lap, please?" she asked so sweetly. How could I say no? Why would I want to?) She is the only one out of us three who is dressed, courtesy of a leaky diaper this morning when she woke up, and she's happily munching on some dry Cheerios while I try to finish this before scrambling up some eggs for breakfast. I am NOT going to have those lemon bars I made yesterday for breakfast. I'm not. Really. Maybe for a mid-morning snack, but not for breakfast. I have my standards.

It's a good morning. By God's grace, it will continue to be a good day.

"These blossoms fall

-And in falling bear fruit.

While they are here

These ephemeral days of spring

Let us enjoy them."